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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Message Body
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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This subject comes very close to home. I have spent a lifetime embracing who and what I am and yet at the same time exhausted innumerous hours running from the realities that make my life what it is.
I moved so often sometimes I didn't have time to unpack.
I moved to my present location about 12 years ago to gain a rather prestegious position with a restoration project as well as teaching.
Once I settled in here I became aware of a part of the local sub-culture, i.e. The park kids.... These are college aged kids that work at Cedar Point Ammusement park in the summer. Many of these kids come from small towns across America to work for the summer but also (as they often put it) to be "gay". Many choose to remain here in town to follow whatever dream they invision for themselves.
This town is very tollerant of GLBT people and I have grown to feel comfortable here....
Kevy feels the same way having come from the deep south ( Louisiana ) and having been a southern Baptist minister for some 12 years.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Hey Marc
Are you saying that you re-invented, or that you found a place to be yourself?
(or a combination of both)
S
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Oh my ..... yes.......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Marc
Yes to which?
S
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Tell me about your reinvention. Is asking about the integration of the 'old & new' to psycho-techie? I'd be lying if I said I had a clue.
Starting over physically isn't possible when you have a life's time worth of roots. A transplant at this late state would surely wither. And besides, this was never a toxic waste dump.
You started the thread; give it some guidance please.
Regards
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Ok.... I'll give it the best try I can...
I'll start with a bit of background information........
The first time I went through a reallignment of my life was at about the age of 14.... Having been sent awat for "treatment" I found myself alone and scared to death of what was in store for me. To make a long painful story short let us just skip to my eventual removal from the fine establishment of psycho-torture and jump to my reentering the school system.
I was sent off to a private school (the local school system refused to allow my return) and found myself alone in a world of {{{openly}}} hostile schoolmates and teachers. I was refused from any of the school activities and allowed only access to the library (under supervision). In a school with dormatory facilities designed for 4 students to occupy a suite I was accorded a room to myself.
Being things the way they were I found myself throwing myself into study and reading as my only opportunity for something to break the monotony.
I am not realy sure if I went through a reinvention of my life but it was what I had to do to get by at the time.
Privatly however, among a great many of my schoolmates I was considered .... (for lack of a better word).... fodder.... Someone that could appease their adolescent appetites for relief....
In other words I was fair game....
This.... Activity.... eventualy led me to weekend adventures into Boston. First, as a way to just get away from the cloistered atmosphere at the school but eventualy to working the Combat Zone (Tremont street area) for fun, recreation and profit.
I was able to continue this for the duration of my remaining time up until graduation. My grades were rather good and was accepted to a good university and with the assistance of a trust set up by my Gramma was able to pay the tuition (mostly).
College led me to my second life altering exparience.... After a couple or three months, an assignment which required a cooperative effort, coupled with an earnest desire to meet the person whom I maneuvered to partner in this project.... I met Ricky.... We hit it off right from the start.... We were inseparable as best friends.... One evening as we were studying at his place words, feelings, emotions progressed into something more than friendship.
In this time by means of extenuation circumstances and opportunity we had a joint carreer in film that was to say the lease extreemily lucrative. Through Ricky's Father we were allowed a floor of a building in the Clarkston St. area of Greenich Village and with a little enginuity and alot of sweat equity managed to construct a first class loft. At the fourth year of uni Ricky was accepted to the London School of Economics and I managed to follow him along to finish my education in GB as well.
We had a wonderful life full to capicity of good times and great blossoming carreers.
Three and a half years after returning to NYC I lost Ricky. We were together for a little more than 12 years........
I instantly found myself alone. I (after a time of breakdown) returned to Boston and quietly entered a carreer of nondescript existance teaching. I spent the next twenty years living an existance that included work and then back home. The only place I went out of the house was to work and I only did that because I had to earn a living income. Eventualy, through the years I became comfortable in my seclusion and continued on until one fine day the department at the university said I would have to take a computer.
It took me some time.... Almost a year.... but eventualy I managed to take enough teensy small steps and discover that there was an online world that I could visit from the safety of my own home. This eventualy led me to some stories that I discovered quite by accident. Following links as one does, I found myself at a site that had a message board....
"Comicality's Shack Out Back"....
I read and read and then reread the postings and was amazed at the number of people just like me that were out there. I think it took me about eight months before I worked up the nerve to make a post. It was to someone who seemed to be down and needed a word of encouragment. To my surprise and utterly panicked dismay he replied and thanked me for whatever it was that I said.
We continued to talk back and forth and after some time he introduced me to ICQ and we bagen to IM back and forth. At one point, I was going through a bit of distress (as many here are aware of) and found myself in a desparate position. I was at the time still taking medication and through a lapse in memory... or not... I had double dosed and then some...
My friend, having realized something was rather off contacted another friend of his and convinced me that I HAD to talk with him....
That was the day I met Tim....
Tim helped me through my crisis.... As time passed Tim said that he used writing as a method to get past issues he had and convinced me to give it a shot. So I did....
He also eventualy convinced me to seek yet another therapist.... So I did....
As time passed and I began posting some of my writing to nifty I began to recieve a little mail.... One Day I got an E-Mail from a person named Kevin from somewhere in the middle of Louisiana. I discovered he was gay and alone. I discovered he had spent the past 12 years as a Southern Baptist Minister. I discovered he was not well.
We began to write back and forth a few times and then IM as well... I discovered that he was off work due to an illness. One day after some time of IM'ing back and fourth he was upset and I asked what was the problem. He said he was suposed to go to the hospital for an important treatment and a friend was suposed to drive him the 50 miles to the clinic.
His friend never arrived and Kevin found himself stranded. Having waited some months for the appointment he was very very upset. I went into a panic and after a day of on other ideas to help Kevin I decided I had to do something about it myself.
I took control of me fears and got into the car and drove the 1200 miles to his appartment. I arrived at about midnight and Kevin was standing (just barely... he was so weak from illness) in the parking.
That was the first time I saw Kevin.... We have not been apart since....
As he was out of work and having been working for Wal-Mart he was fully without resources and money. We contacted a local Doctor and had the procedure done at the local Catholic hospital. We settled his affairs there in Louisiana and I took him back here to Sandusky.
Upon our return here and after about 4 months of recouperation we began building our life together.
Since that time (we litteraly started with nothing but the clothes on our backs) we have managed to build a fine life for ourselves. It's not perfect, we have our stresses but we get through them. We managed to get Kevin enrolled in Uni and he is flourishing in his studies. We managed to start a retail business that is growing slowly but steadily. We this past year also started a website design business which is growing steadily and doing quite well.
We aren't rich.... but we are comfortable.... most importantly we are happy being together....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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{{{{{{{{{{ M A R C }}}}}}}}}} [Hugs]
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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Marc,
Thank you. I was very touched by your story and I feel it helps me understand more about where you are coming from.
Best wishes,
Deeej
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Funny you should start this thread.
I was just going to say something about this.
Those that know, I've been trying to sell my place
for a long time. It's sold finally, I've the money,
I've paid everything off, and treated myself to a
new vehicle (I budgeted for it, paid cash, was so awesome).
Not sure why, but I've had bits of crying bouts just
over take me. My boss says its the stress of everything
thats went on trying to escape. My friend here in town says
I'm just happy now, and it hasn't sunk in yet. I'll
be moving and off line for a while.
So does this mean I'm reinventing myself or am I just going
with the flow now?
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Great 'try'!
Not to put too fine a point on it, but, You've Made My Day!
Thanks
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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You took a decision, set your course and carried it through. Whatever it is, "going with the flow" it is not
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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Having been around for a while, I knew the background (or most of it) and I know that it's painful for you to re-visit the past, so writing as you did must have taken a very considerable effort. It'll help the rest of us to understand you better, and to see the real Marc behind the sometimes-grumpy exterior! As JFR said: {{{{{{{{{ Marc }}}}}}}}} !!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It isn't easy remembering some of these things. When I was going through therapy I tended to fight tooth and claw against whatever treatment was being proposed. When I met Tim we kind of stumbled into a room I had kept locked for a long time and then everything just started pouring out. I wrote down (in a rather incoherent manner) everything and for a time Tim had it exhibited somewhere but some troublemakers caused me to ask it all be removed.
I guess I panicked......
I guess what I am trying to say is that I know I can be an asshole as times and I also know you guys stick by me when I am.... For that I love you all.... you are more of a family to me than I ever had in real life....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Hi Marc,
You probably dont even remember ever having emailed me before but I do certainly remember you. I found out about you from visiting this site about 5 years ago when Tim had your story posted on the site. I was very overwhelmed with what had happened to you as a boy and while I was in such a depressed state myself, began to realize just exactly how lucky I had been in my life. I saw what happened in your life and saw that it could have just as easily have been me. You helped me to come to terms with some of the things I have in my past and I want to thank you and Tim for that.
We have a mutual friend (well Kevin knew him better than you) who lives in Illinois and I know you are aware of who I am speaking. I have visited him a few times in the past. His youngest son is about to graduate from HS now and I will probably get a chance to talk with him this summer. If you can even remember who I am I would be happy and if it were possible sometime to come and visit you and Kevin. I am retired now but busy as ever so I will have to see if that is something you could tolerate. I guess we have all come a long way since I first heard of you and Kevin.
The fact that you two guys have managed to make a life for yourselves is encouraging to me. I am really a geezer myself so thinking of making a future life is not so much of an issue any more; I guess that a lot of us are in that situation. My goal is to rid my house of its junk and perhaps be able to rent it out and then I would have someone I could call on to mind it when I travel. There is always snow in winter and grass in summer! I would enjoy very much having a room mate to share talk and expenses but that is probably an unlikely thing. Maybe I will be able to find a guy who is at least tolerant and will be some company for me.
So anyway, it is fine to realize you are still around and that alone makes me happy. I also have another email addy that will reach me sooner than the hotmail one: kenlynes@usa.net
Let me know if you can remember me and say hi to Kevin for me.
Ken
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Yes...... yes I do remember you.....
I am so happy you took the time to post here......
I logged your email address but to be frank I rarely use email......
I am however always here and I know I as well as everyone else here would love to hear from you regularly....
Keep in touch...
Marc..... Kevy too
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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If you still have, whic I think I do not, that which was taken off the site, I am happy, quietly, to put it back
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I sent you a zippy file
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Your right Marc. this place is like a huge family. I like to think of it like a humongus family of brothers.. Like all brothers we bicker and tease each other, sometimes even fight, but when all that is stripped away or the chips are down, or one is in trouble or upset, the love and caring of each of us comes thru.
I am proud that you have trusted me with some things, and that you are my friend. I never ever thought you were an asshole and I would fight anyone who called you that. You have, as the poem said, you, "Speak your truth quietly and clearly".
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Dear Marc,
This is my first opportunity to say thanks to you for opening your door and allowing me in. I am deeply moved by your story and more than ever realize what a great place this is.
I wish you and Kevin a long and happy life together!
______
Sailor
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So you are the Marc that wrote that story back in the day.... I wonder why I never made the connection, I remember really liking that story and I think I even emailed you (as timmy requested on the page) after it was taken down.
On another note, I really appreciate you posting your story. It is really quite a story and it gives me hope that someday I'll find someone and hopefully be the person I want to be.
Also, if you don't mind, could I also have a copy of your story ? I remember really liking it, but I'm having a hard time remembering exactly which story it was. If you'd rather not though no worry.
David
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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David R. wrote:
> So you are the Marc that wrote that story back in the day.... I wonder why I never made the connection, I remember really liking that story and I think I even emailed you (as timmy requested on the page) after it was taken down.
>
> On another note, I really appreciate you posting your story. It is really quite a story and it gives me hope that someday I'll find someone and hopefully be the person I want to be.
>
> Also, if you don't mind, could I also have a copy of your story ? I remember really liking it, but I'm having a hard time remembering exactly which story it was. If you'd rather not though no worry.
>
> David
I reciently began a complete rewrite of all my stories..... As I am kind of busy with work and such it may take me a little while to get them done..... If you could remember the name of the story you had in mind then I could email it to you.....
Stories I have so far are.... "Ricky & Me" "Summers Heat" "The Decision" "Letters In The Sand"
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I believe it was "Letter in the Sand"
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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That piece, actualy Part 1 of a 3 part story can be found at the contest area on Tim's website....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Oh, then that is why that one sounded familiar. Upon having looked at the list a second time, the name "Summers Heat" also sounds familiar and I'm pretty sure that was the one. I also browsed the change log and confirmed.
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Summer's Heat is being rewritten and will be posted upon its completion....
I can of course send you a copy in a zippy file if you want or you can just pull it from the site when it is finally posted.
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I suppose I can wait for the finished version 'cause that would probably be the easiest. Plus, that'll keep me from reading it all in one sitting. It's good to hear that you are reworking the story. When it was removed, I tried to search all across the internet incase it was only removed from this site. I certainly look forward to reading it again.
Thanks
David
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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Re: I think this deserves it's own thread. 
