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1) How well does your GAYDAR work? Can it be any more effective than just guessing??
2) How have you met your best friends? Do most relationships take time before you know if it'll last??
3) Share some words of wisdom regarding meeting, greeting, befriending that special some one?
We await you replies!
TeddyBear 
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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There is actually no such thing as gaydar. What there is tho, amoung gays, the ability to note spacific actions and very subtle manerisums of other individuals. With str8t men there is no problem. They see a girl, yep its a girl. Gay men who are looking, pay closer attention to other men. Because of this they become better at picking up the tinny subtle things that others would miss.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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>1) How well does your GAYDAR work? Can it be any more effective than just guessing??
Not well. In fact, it seems to me LESS effective than just guessing; or rather, virtually all the people I'm attracted to turn out to be straight. Of course, I haven't done a proper statistical study, but it certainly seems that way. I am, however, dubious about the supposed 1 in 10 people being gay, though -- where did it come from? Is it 1 in 10 who has had some homosexual activity at some stage in their lives? It seems to be more like 1 in 20, or 1 in 30, going by the people I knew at school.
>2) How have you met your best friends? Do most relationships take time before you know if it'll last??
"Ordinary" best friends? Or sexual friends? I have several of the former; most of those I met through school. There's something about living with someone for five years that makes one get to know them exceedingly well; possibly better than one will ever know anyone (until one gets a partner, I suppose).
>3) Share some words of wisdom regarding meeting, greeting, befriending that special some one?
Sorry. No special someone yet.
David
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Handyman wrote:
> 1) How well does your GAYDAR work? Can it be any more effective than just guessing??
GAYDAR is a learned skill..... It does not just happen because one is gay. If properly implimented, gaydar can be foolproof.... when coming into contact with someone you would like to know better and if you are barking up the right tree, Stand directly in front of him about five or six feet away and adjust yourself.... If his gaze focuses itself on your crotch and lingers you are on the right track....
>
> 2) How have you met your best friends? Do most relationships take time before you know if it'll last??
Gay relationships traditionaly do not last longer than a trip to the mens room at the local gay watering hole.... Anything longer than that is considered long lasting.....
>
> 3) Share some words of wisdom regarding meeting, greeting, befriending that special some one?
Reguarding meeting..... turn off the computer and go out and find a likely place to go trolling.....
Greeting..... Hello usually works best....
Befriending.... that depends on how the adjustment described above goes.....
>
> We await you replies!
>
> TeddyBear
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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No, seriously, I agree with Brian and Marc that it isn't something which comes with the 'package' of being gay; it's an acquired skill.
I have to confess that in my gay years I never really needed to trawl; I was 'picked up' at an early age by a young adult, and whilst that relationship didn't last, it brought me into the local gay community - so I didn't need to know who was gay, just who was unattached! Incidentally, it was quite a broad community, with plenty others of my own age.
Curiously, since I married my gaydar abilities have increased by leaps and bounds. My wife has an actively gay cousin, and I can impress even him with my prowess!
Thinking of Deeej's posts on another thread, I have to say that I never saw myself as anything other than very average, but I discovered that, although almost any gay will look lasciviously at an attractive guy, other attributes could be of greater importance in forming a relationship. Over the years, I came to realise that my own greatest asset was my voice, which others described as deep and warm, with an attractive accent. On the other hand, I was in those days almost totally lacking in self-confidence outside of the walls of my school, so I was rarely the first to speak!
So, Deeej. Somehow, with your background I can't see you standing at a six-foot distance and adjusting yourself - though I'm not denying that Marc's idea is perfectly valid. I suggest that as Lesson One in Gaydar Techniques you look out for attractive males but, instead of drooling over them you look around and see who else is watching them. A good rule of thumb is that if you are potentially interested in someone, catching them eyeing the cute boys on three separate occasions is a fairly strong pointer to their orientation. For a period of 15 years or so, my profession brought me into close contact with the Film Industry and I was a regular visitor to Pinewood and to seminars at other locations; believe me, the 10% are there to be found if my own gaydar is any guide!
Finally - and inevitably this will sound patronising, though it isn't intended that way - I have never followed football or cricket and I have never been good at small-talk, but at around your age I began forcing myself to socialise more. I didn't pretend an interest in things that didn't interest me, so at first I said very little, but after a conscious attempt to allow myself to be the butt of humour - even my own! - I found myself a comfortable niche, from which I developed into the arrogant prat I am today!
Deeej, I really do wish you well; you are an intriguing and multi-layered guy who has a lot to offer. I know it isn't easy - but try to get out there and offer it!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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What Cossie said is very good and reflected in my experience too. They are proven so be bold & use them all. I wished I'd known them when I was younger & more wanting companionship. :-/
First, where a person's eyes go do tell alot about what's on their mind. As a younger horney stud I could hardly keep my eyes off attractive guy's crotches (in those days clothes generally fit tighter than they do today). Look for where their minds are by their eyes direction.. 
I saw it happen again just the other day as a kid just kept staring a my crotch like I used to do. He tried not to be seen, but it was so obvious. He was pretty obviously an overly avid masturbator as his mind was on just that, he appeared tired, lethargic & depressed, no horney sparkle in his eyes, could hardly smile, head hung down continually.. etc. Not actually an attractive guy because of it but made me wonder if he was gay, bi curious or just a guy who's mind is on penises & what he likes doing with his every chance he gets...
Also if a person is interested in you and looks at you, do not turn your eyes away, no matter how embarrassed you are. This is actually a sign that you're interested in them if you continue to look at them & smile a bit..It shows you're open to meeting them. Even if the guy you're interested in looks away it's probably out of embarrassment & you should still show yourself friendly by looking & speaking to them. Even if they don't respond favorably they may just be having a down day, so stay cheery & brighten their day. if they refuse companionship now, find where they go often & try to catch them there later..
If you're interested in getting to know another just look at them with an interested look, or let them see you looking at them long or repeatedly.. look at their crotch & back at their eyes, or rub your leg or other obviously while looking at them. Watch their reaction. Don't wait too long to go & speak to them either.. they may get up or leave & the chance is gone. Just greet with a "Hi my name is...you look like somebody I'd like to get to know"..or similar. ;-D
Actually today with as many 'out' bi & gay guys as there are it'll probably be a bit easier to find one willing to let it be evident. Natural shyness, though, continues.
If there are none that seem to interest you perhaps practice meeting others just to refine your skills. To me anyone that's sitting alone is a potential friend as we all usually appreciate companionship especially in a public place where the focus is group activities. Try joining a group where you know one or two people. As you hang out with them you'll have chance to watch & meet others in hopes your GAYDAR alert will be activated! ::-)
Of course it helps to go places known to welcome diversity such as bi-racial couples & gays. Even in this town of less than 10,000 residents I've heard of a regular bar (pub) where guys have been seen dancing with guys.
Also as Cossie said, I sort of forced myself to be more sociable. Forcing in the sense that you're not so comfortable or accustomed to it. You will enjoy yourself & at least you won't be alone. My favorite was going out with a few close friends, drinking beer & eating at a table or playing darts or pool (billiards). This all gives a chance to look around & practice GAYDAR skills. ::-)
Learning to joke & laugh at myself was an essential key to enduring life. Though I'd normally been the brunt of jokes, I learned to tell them on myself which accomplished two things. First it took the opportunity from others to cut me down, somewhat preserving my ego.. And secondly it helped me & others laugh, then they'd tell other jokes. I've since become known somewhat for my sense of humor though I've never been good at remembering or telling well-timed jokes. ;-D
What we do on this board is similar to the social training in other situations.
I have known guys that nearly always insisted on hunk hunting alone.. others did it in groups..I think it best to develop your own style, what is natural for you..and what works according to the situation.
Hope this gives some good ideas... Happy Hunting!!  )
TeddyB.
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Handyman wrote:
> 1) How well does your GAYDAR work? Can it be any more effective than just guessing??
It is an educated guess, often frustrated by wish fulfilment
>
> 2) How have you met your best friends? Do most relationships take time before you know if it'll last??
I don't really have "best friends" because that means I prize some above others. Instead I have friends
>
> 3) Share some words of wisdom regarding meeting, greeting, befriending that special some one?
I can't! But I can say that, to make your own gaydar work, you have to be subtly not str8 in the way you present yourself. Signals then create signals that are reflected
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Maybe rather than calling it GAYDAR, when I was younger, I think I'd have described it as a heightened 'intuition'. I've always had a good 'sixth sense' about a lot of things.
Even as a child aged six, I knew I was different and liked boys more than girls, AND I knew which part of them I was attracted to, but not why.
I had a first REAL boyfriend at the age of ten. We both knew we were attracted to each other. Strangely, though sex got involved, it wasn't the reason for our relationship.
I've seen teens writing, (not here), asking why their GAYDAR doesn't seem to work. Well that would support the 'learning' theory about subtle body language between males. It would be interesting to do a study of whether guys whose GAYDAR came into being younger, had a heightened sense of intuition. There again that isn't a constant thing and fluctuates with health and mood sometimes, from personal experience.
Anyone else find the same thing?
Mike.g
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... since a significant proportion of eventual str8s are more than happy to experiment with any variation on the sexual theme.
I think that I am genuinely bisexual, though with a strong gay bias - yet I ended up happily married with str8 kids. But certainly from the age of 6 or 7 - if not earlier - I wanted sexual contact and I wasn't at all fussy about gender. In fact, I was almost hitting puberty before I had my first gay relationship, but if the chance had come earlier I'd have jumped at it with both hands (and mouth, for that matter!)
And, as I've said elsewhere, my 'Gaydar' has perversely become much more efficient since I withdrew from the gay scene - which enforces the notion that it's a learned, rather than instinctive ability.
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Greetings-
I don't have it, and would doubt that it was real except for a tangential experience.
I once had a boss, half a life-time ago, who had something that we underlings came to call 'Jewdar'.
It pains me to admit that it was one of his finer features; we would leave a meeting of twenty or so strangers, and as we walked back to our car, Werner would list all of the Jewish folk in attendance. I can't say that he ever acted any differently after pointing out their ethnic/religious situation, but he never failed to point it out, and he seemed to have it dead nuts.
Some people have a sixth sense.
Does it make it easier?
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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I have a good sixth sense which effectively sums up other people's characters, particularly if they are lying or bullshitting. It works better on males than females. Unfortunately it doesn't in the least include the gift of gaydar. I think this is because of my personal naïvety, though.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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