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I have a dream. To be kissed. To be loved. To feel someone. To be close to someone. To be near someone. To kiss and not worry about anyone else but that one person.. To speak, but to not speak, to experience that which is so simple..
To love...
I want to be loved.. I write about love, but I've never experienced it. I've read many fics that were about male/male. And I want that to happen to me..
Has anyone ever felt what I'm feeling?
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Yup, I've felt what you're feeling. In fact, when I was your age, it drove me completely to distraction. Back then I didn't have the internet as an outlet (though I did have the internet -- I'm not that old!), and I wasn't "out" -- I was pretty terrified even of talking about it. Finding love was out of the question.
Nowadays, I'm still hoping.
David
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im glad someone knows how im feeling. i was nervous about posting that. it sux, cuase i really want to be kissed... but so far, and even with going to a youth group for gays/bi's/lesbians, i still havent yet..
oy.. *blush*
~Pyro~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Hey Josh, Yep I know the feeling all to well. The guys in here will tell you Ive had my ups and downs. When I love someone I want it to be us. Im not gonna cheapen myself just to have sex, I want it to really mean something.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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It's wierd you know.. I'm fine with hugging anyone. Boys or girls, it doesnt matter.. But anything more then that, scares me...
I want to be kissed.. But I dont want to be kissed... And its wierd.. It makes me cry sometimes, the face that I dont think I can do anything to make a guy happy..
Is this wrong to? Is it wrong to have these desires about males? Mind you, I am not comfortable with my body, despite how everyone on MSN calls me cute. I am not comfortable with it. And I always change for fitness in one of the stalls in the washroom. I've done that since elementary.. And I still do it today. I dont think im hot or attractive in any means, despite how flamboyant I can be sometimes.
I laugh like a girl, and I have a girly voice when Im hyper...
I think I need help or something... I need to be kissed.. I crave it.. I have to have it.. I dream about it all the time.. Like lastnihgt when I was going to my youthgroup, I dreamed I was going to be kissed, but I didnt get kissed. And I dream that its jsut gonna be me and him you know? But then he starts talking to other people, and I feel ignored..
Is it okay to fantasize about males? (yes I'm insecure with myself..)
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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First Deeej suffers from pedanerisum ummmmmmmmmm, whatever lol. Boy Im gonna catch it now.
Im no expert on these things (maybe you can help him Grandfather). You know it sounds like your not wanting to kiss might be showing thru so others are put off. I dont have enough life experience, all I know is I want to be someones other half, and that can be worth waitting for. I dont think any of us are really satisfied with our bodies. I hear the girls at school talking about how cute I am, but its not the girls I want saying that. Your probably just really modest, I am kinda. I hate dressing out for gym (actually Im scared I might get a stiffy) ;-D
If you find someone and treat them with respect and strive to make life good for both of you. When his needs are more important than your own and he feels your need are the most important, hang on to that guy.
Oh and dont do the waiting for Mr. Right thing. they dont exist.
I could ramble all day and actually acomplish saying nothing. Im not as proficient as some of the others in here.
If you look back to one of my post (you can do a search for "Desiderata". Its a poem I keep over my desk. I wont type the whole thing here. But two parts stick out as the most important. "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; You have a right to be here. And wheather or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." "With all its shame drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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lol.
I guess there really isnt anything to be scared of. Theres beauty in the breakdown. Everyone is naturally beautiful I guess. Everyone is good at something.
I guess wanting something made me afraid of it, as wierd as that sounds.
thanks everyone.^_^
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Hi Josh,
>It's wierd you know.. I'm fine with hugging anyone. Boys or girls, it doesnt matter.. But anything more then that, scares me...
It scares me too!
>I want to be kissed.. But I dont want to be kissed... And its wierd.. It makes me cry sometimes, the face that I dont think I can do anything to make a guy happy..
There are so many people in the world, so many possible permutations -- I am sure that there are people in the world whom you could make happy, and I am equally sure there are people in the world who could make you happy. The only problem is finding them -- something I haven't quite worked out how to do myself. 
>Is this wrong to? Is it wrong to have these desires about males?
Absolutely not. It's not wrong to have desires about anything. It's how you act that defines how other people see you.
>Mind you, I am not comfortable with my body, despite how everyone on MSN calls me cute. I am not comfortable with it. And I always change for fitness in one of the stalls in the washroom. I've done that since elementary.. And I still do it today. I dont think im hot or attractive in any means, despite how flamboyant I can be sometimes.
I'm not comfortable with my body. Possibly I am less comfortable with it than most people of my age, but I suspect that everyone is to a certain extent. Especially if we are different -- either psychologically or physically -- and are not sure if other people approve.
I'm also firmly convinced (though in a slightly tongue-in-cheek way) that I am not attractive. Certainly not hot. I suspect the real reason for my insecurity is that I haven't met -- or, worse, that I haven't let myself meet -- the right person yet.
>I laugh like a girl, and I have a girly voice when Im hyper...
Not sure if it's relevant, but I always got to play the girls' parts when reading Shakespeare at school. I think it's because I had a good falsetto voice (I used to sing falsetto in the school choir).
>I think I need help or something... I need to be kissed.. I crave it.. I have to have it.. I dream about it all the time.. Like lastnihgt when I was going to my youthgroup, I dreamed I was going to be kissed, but I didnt get kissed. And I dream that its jsut gonna be me and him you know? But then he starts talking to other people, and I feel ignored..
That happens to everyone, I think. Just some people are better at commanding other people's attention -- and that often entails pretending to be someone different from who you are.
>Is it okay to fantasize about males? (yes I'm insecure with myself..)
It's okay to fantasise about anyone you like. Honestly.
Deeej
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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(Ancient and decrepit guy with long white beard hobbles on from stage left, holding ear trumpet)
Ancient Guy: "Eh??? What's that, Grandson?"
(Trips over feet and falls flat on floor)
Brian: "OMG - He's been hitting the malt whisky again."
Just setting the scene, you understand - I like things to be realistic!
Welcome Josh! Though I can't recollect the story titles, I think you've been writing for quite a while; the 'Pyro' tag-line seems pretty familiar, so I guess I've read your stuff on Nifty. I don't recall any details, but I'm feeling good vibrations, so I think I must have enjoyed your stories!
I'm not setting myself up as a counsellor here - I'm just an observant guy with a due share of experience - but I CAN tell you that what you're feeling is not merely normal, it's entirely typical! Guys who are looking for a romantic relationship rather than a mere sex partner tend to agonise quite a bit; I suppose it's just another manifestation of the state of mind that makes you romantic. Brian has a valid point when he suggests that your fears might just be affecting the way you come across to others; there's nothing wrong with that, but neither is there any justification for being afraid to kiss a boy. You just need to develop a relaxation strategy for yourself. Don't be disheartened; you WILL find someone, especially if you stay involved with GLBT groups and take part in their activities. There are no guarantees that your first relationship will be the one to last - but that's true whatever your sexual orientation. Oh, and this business of self-doubt regarding your physical appearance is also absolutely typical of those who are romantically inclined; don't worry about it for two very good reasons: firstly, you're almost certainly wrong, and secondly it's unimportant anyway. You may look longingly at cute guys, but when the time comes it'll be a voice, an expression or a mannerism that hooks you, not just a face and figure.
I wish you luck, and I hope you stick around and stick your oar (I said your OAR; get your mind out of the gutter, Brian!) into our rambling exchanges. You get all the support we can give you. Timmy, the site owner and author of 'Chris and Nigel', probably has most experience, but the rest of us are always willing to chuck in our twopennorth!
Oh, btw - that comment from Brian about what Deeej suffers from - well, it's actually the rest of us who do the suffering. Deeej is practicing hard for the senior pedantic championship at the 2008 verbal Olympics. If you get a pedantic reply from him, it's probably best to ignore it and hope that he'll go away!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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hey Cossie
I meant to reply to this yesterday, but I never got the chance to.
The ~Pyro~ thing that I put at the end of that message, is always put at the end of every message at my Livejournal.com account. My username there is inuyasha02. If you've read anything I wrote, im glad you liked it.^^
And I know that its normal, what I feel, and what I think about. The dreams I have, I suppose are normal for anyone to have.. They are nice ones. It's nice, to dream, and know that you're near the ones you want to be close to.
Thanks for the comments by the way. I liked them, and I like hearing waht others have to say.^^
You know the choir Libera, I LOVE THEM^_^ I'm listening to Twilight is Stealing. It's an awesome song, and I love them, each and every one of them. I love the sound that they make, and their voices are just beautiful to me.
I think I'm happy now.^^
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Ok Deeej!! Weve been thru the "Im not attractive thing". We determined that your wrong, worng, wrong. So there! shut up!;-D ;-D ;-D
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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