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Someone sent me these and they made me laugh, so I thought I share them with you too. Does anyone have any more like these? (I wish the guy who sent them to me had included the newspapers that published these headlines.)
THE YEAR'S BEST ACTUAL HEADLINES OF 2005:
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [That'll stop 'em.]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
My favourite headline of all time is this one from 1957:
Sibelius dies as Sargent conducts his 5th Symphony. {Was Flash Harry (aka Sir Malcom Sargent) really that bad?]
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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Is jaywalking a purely American phenomenon? 'Cos over here, either
- there are so few cars on the road that no-one cares if you walk in it, or even, on some roads
- there is no pavement, so you have to walk in the road
or
- there are plenty of pavements and crossing points;
- you can cross anywhere provided you don't disrupt the traffic;
- and in town and city centres, pedestrians pretty much get priority over traffic, anyway
David
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death [What good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought?]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges ! [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [He probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [What a funny place to find hundreds dead]
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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