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Mathew emailed me tonight asking me to do a favor. His parents had a tracking device on the computer and knew he came into theis site. Obviously they read his post. He says they know everything and he has had to agree to see a councilor and talk to the church Bishop. He said to tell everyone he is sorry and he has not just stopped posting, but you understand that he cant come back into the forum. He says he can still get in touch with me and will keep me posted when he can if he can. We all need to wish him the best, his life is going to be miserable for a while. I hope he has the courage to stand up for HIS rights to be a human being and live his own life.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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So sorry for Mathew. Some parents just look for trouble.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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I am posting this here because it is probable that his parents will see it. But please make sure you tell him this:
When he sees his bisop he must ask that the conversation is in confidence. The bishop must abide by this. It is part of the process.
Since he has not done anything whatsoever physical with any other male there is no sin that he has committed in the church. he is still - searching for the word - clean.
Speaking to the bishop and to a counsellor is ok, according to my friend in Scotland who is an LDS bishop. He simply needs to use those people as he would with any challenge in order to help him clarify his mind.
Any parent with faith would take the same actions. They are doing what they believe is best for their son. And, as he says, he is lost, confused and broken. Provided he ensures that he is physically safe from harm he can get through this. Talking about one's feelings is hard. But it also allows us to crystallise what they are.
Show him the words in http://forum.iomfats.org/w-agora/index.php?site=forumiomfatsorg&bn=forumiomfatsorg_placeofsafety&key=1123866129&action=view by pasting them into an email for him
And tell him I will pray for safe resolution of this, please.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy, I did as you ask. I hope he will get to check his mail. Maybe he can get his mind straight. I hope so.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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I know you are hurting right now, and wonder where you went wrong. I'm a father and I understand the worries you have. And I am homosexual, married to a wonderful woman for the past 28 years, and a family man. The little I know of your son says to me that he is a fine young man, an active member of his school and an active member of his faith. He is a credit to you.
He may or may not be homosexual. He syas clearly that he is attracted to other males. This may be a phase which passes, and yes, prayer and a counsellor may assist that passing, if it is to happen, to happen early. If the feelings are not a phase, I know you will still love him. He is still the same wonderful kid that you raised. He's just made diferent, like some of us are.
It wasn't you, it may or may not be genetic, and no-one "made him homosexual". He is just the way God made him, for whatever purpose that is. So please, love him, and listen to him.
I know a Bishop in your faith. I called him when I first heard from Matty online and asked about the LDS faith and homosexuality. He's a fine man, lives in Edinburgh, and I am sure, though you have Bishops in abundance where you are, that he would be happy to receive a call or a letter from you if you wish. Ask me and I will organise it. After all, an extra perspective does no harm.
He said very clearly that, while homosexual acts are viewed as a sin, the church views the person with homosexual desires as a wholly valid church member, and will simply seek to assist that perosn to determine who and what they are. He ws very clear that the LDS way is not to force anyone, nor to brainwash anyone, in the way that some more strident faiths do, but to help them to come to terms with themselves and what that means to their faith.
I wonder if you have any idea how brave Matty is?
He has spent the time since he discovered his same gender attractions being worried about it. The stress is awful. I had it when I was a kid, he has it now. Help him, please, by letting him know that you are striving to understand, and will always love him.
I may have a different faith from you, but my prayers for your and his peace of mind are no less valid for that. Please remmeber that homosexuality is a hard road. Matty has not chosen it. No intelligent person would choose it. Should he follow the road of marriage, or of celibacy, ether is very hard too. It takes more strength that you may understand yet to deny what is an emotional imperative. It woudl be like asking you each to be homosexual yourselves from now on, if you ask a homosexual person to be heterosexual from now on.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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"All" he has to do is to be thoughtful, and open his mind to the help he will receive. Like all help he should listen to it, understand it, and accept those parts that he finds useful. The parts he rejects should be rejected inside himself.
I am certain that his parents are good people. They will be doing what they see is the right thing for their beloved child. And that is a good thing. Matty is a clean living, decent teenager. He has done nothing wrong, and that will be abundantly clear in conversations with his bishop.
He is on a hard road. It was hard already. As a paradox the raod may become easier now his parents are with him on it. I hope so.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I would say "Amen" to what the others have said here. I agree wholeheartedly with everything said even though I hope that Matt is not going to find he is gay in the long run. Life is a whole lot simpler for someone who is not gay. I want to fully endorse the advice given here by Tim and cossie and the others and I can see a real desire to help in any way they can.
Please give your son the love he needs and try to step back and not put any more pressure on him. I am sure Matt is having a lot of trouble over this whole issue because of his profound faith and not because of a lack of it. No matter what you think or the church thinks I firmly believe that God will never abandon nor condemn him for being gay if that is the case. God can see into our hearts and knows what is there.
Ken
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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I suppose we have not heard from Matty? Brian I am sure you have, but please email the message for his parenst to him too, if not.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I emailed all the things to him to do with as he wishes. His parents dont know about the emails. He has not emailed me back yet, but I wasnt expecting him to too soon. If he can I know he will email me. I just hope everything is going ok for him.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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If he wants to talk to a former LDS church member who is now living a "gay lifestyle" tell him he can email
I can also put his parents in touch with my mum. Her first move when she found out that I was gay was to contact LDS social services, too. She knows what it is like.
[Updated on: Thu, 22 July 2010 15:35]
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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A favor for Mathew 
