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pete1990
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Getting started |
Registered: July 2006
Messages: 7
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I went to see him. And we talked. It was a bit, well, brittle. I did a load of apologizing. Said I was pretty confused, and that I wasn't. Or probably wasn't. I feel bad about lying to him, but he obviously doesn't feel... Well he feels friendship.
Anyway, he hadn't spoken to the preacher yet. I told him what it would mean if he did. Not that I'd deny it. I would have, though. I told him if I ever was then I'd handle it myself with the preacher. Asked him not to speak.
I waited all yesterday not breathing. Church was hateful. I felt eyes all over me. They weren't. Couldn't spleep much last night. Up early for no reason this morning. I've pretty much done my day's chores already.
I'm going into camoflage. There's a girl at school who seems to like me. If my parents let me I'll date her for a bit. If she'll let me. But dating isn't easy if everything fun is ungodly. And she's a different church, so she may want to go where I'm not allowed if I'm allowed to date her at all. Seems being normal isn't easy either.
Anyway I don't think he'll tell anyone. I can't dare come here much. I'm sorry I can over as a bit tough. I kind of had to be, just to get able to post something.
I believe in God. I do. But I don't think he's cruel like "my" church says. Not unless he makes us gay and then hates us for sport at least. Only, leaving the church... That's a huge step. What if they're right?
I think we're friends still. That hurts too. knowing we can be friends, not... I'm not even sure what I wanted to do. I'd only told him I truly liked him and felt real comfy with him, and I guess I looked into his eyes too long or something.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Good for you. This dating stuff. Go for it.
I was sort of similar. but I "needed" to date girls to see if I could "not be gay". My parents plain refused to let me for no reason at all. Period.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Im so glad things seem to be working out. as far as your friend goes. I love my best bud and he knows it. We are like brothers. For me to tell him I care about him doesnt mean I want in his pants. I know he cares about me. Looking in his eyes too long? Many times I have cried on my buds shoulder. He has looked me in the eyes many times and told me he loves me. But I know its like brothers love each other. sometimes we project our own fears on other people making out fears worse. anyway Im glad things seem to be working out. I know its a pain having to pretend to be str8t, but you need to buy the time. Im sorry Peter, your church is not right. You were already beginning to see the hypocracy and what wasnt right. Exactly where in the bible does it say not to dance? The Old testiment says "Make a joyfull noise unto the lord. With the harp, horn and tamborine. sounds like instuments to me. They are wrong Peter, God loves you just like you are.
come here whenever you can, you will always be welcome and I and others will always speak to you. Try and keep it low for a while.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Good to hear!
Keep your head low and do what you have to do, but always remember that God who created you, loves you the way you are!
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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I am so sorry that I wasn't around when you first posted, but I endorse everything that Brian has said to you.
Speaking of your Church, you say 'What if they are right?' Well, I used to be an enthusiastic practising Christian, albeit in a different Church, but for many years I've been deeply interested in Church history, and - in particular - in the reasons and circumstances in which congregations split from existing Churches to form new Churches of their own. There is a very clear repeated pattern which demonstrates that these divisions are the result of human disagreement rather than Divine ordinance.
I've posted longer histories in the past, but I don't wan't to bore our regular readership by repeating them unless I'm fairly sure that you'll be around to read what I have to say. But, in short, your Church is NOT right; in fact, its teaching denies the clear implication of the Gospels. Christ preached love and humanity, not austerity and repression. You'll be aware of the miracle of Christ changing water into wine at the wedding at Cana. What do you suppose the wedding guests did then? Did they hold a prayer meeting, or did they enjoy the wine and get a little tipsy? Only the second alternative can be reconciled with the rest of Christ's teaching.
I am truly sorry that you find yourself in this difficult situation. I echo the advice of Brian and others: YOU are the most important factor, and if lies are necessary to secure your protection, then lies are justified - not because they are morally right, but because they represent the lesser evil. There's not a lot you can do until you reach 18, and I wish you the virtue and blessing of patience. I do see a real danger that you will eventually be cut off from your family, and this is sad in the extreme. You need to appreciate that it isn't your parents' fault - they have been indoctrinated by a misguided Church. It may well be that they will never forgive you, but I think you should make an effort to forgive them: 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do'.
In the fullness of time, you will, I think, be a better person than your parents, because you will have an understanding of the virtue of tolerance. And, just possibly, that virtue may help you to build bridges and repair your relationship.
Your life, in the short term, isn't going to be easy, but the difficulties are not your fault. I hope in the longer term that you will find mental peace, and that you will not try to repress what you are - because, in the end, repression can never make you happy.
If you want to talk more, I'm a regular poster on the site and Brian will, I'm sure, vouch for me. Brian's already my cyber-grandchild, but I could cope with another if it would help you. You're a good kid, and your actions so far say a lot about you - and it's all good!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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One option might be immersing yourself in your church and activities your church offers as much as possible. As repulsive as that may sound.
Or finding a friend outside your church that you can talk to, etc, someone that you can talk to in confidence. Without anyone knowing. Whatever you need to do to keep your head screwed on.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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