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What was your ultimate ambition in life when you were a child?
How did it change as you got older?
I don't necessarily mean anything that was necessarily achievable: I mean, what caught your imagination and gave you something to live for?
I'll post a reply of my own in a minute. I'm not sure whether this topic has mileage or not. It's very open-ended and it's not specifically gay-related.
David
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A tricky set of questions, actually.
As a young child, I don't remember any ambitions ... except for people (parents) to get off my back and let me do things my own way, not be whatever they thought I should be. So I spent much of my childhood curled up in out-of-the-way places with a book.
From about age eleven to around 20, my ambition was to show that I was not a wimp / pansy / nancy-boy, and I wasn't scared of ANYTHING. So I had a pretty destructive lifestyle, along the lines of "live fast, die young", and "if I haven't already tried it, I'm up for it" ... especially as regards drugs, and rock-n-roll.
Which predictably led to a drug-induced (although probably overdue anyway) breakdown.
After a couple of years putting myself back together, I realised that it was as easy, and a damn sight less wearing, to earn respect for being good at what I did in more conventional areas than being a tearaway. So from about 22 to around 50, my ambitions were to be respected for being excellent at work. Didn't really matter what the work was ... what mattered was that if I couldn't reckon on being liked, and even if I was disrespected for being an out gay man, the quality of my work would be something which would demand respect and recognition. Which, of course, led to a workaholic approach to life.
Which crashed on 19th December 2003, when I became disabled, unexpectedly. And I'm currently taking the time since I retired a couple of months ago to think about the things that I do really enjoy. So, current ambition (and being actively worked on) is to move to a smallish town in the countryside, and work part-time in some kind of mentoring / coaching / youthwork / youth drama field. And, of course, I wouldn't object to finding someone around my own age to share a new life with ....
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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In my case, I can remember wanting to be:
- an airline pilot
- a spy in the mould of James Bond
- a film actor
- an inventor or engineer
I'd still like to be a pilot, but it's virtually impossible, because I'm half-blind in one eye. Not even a private one, under current European rules.
I'm interested in acting, but now on the level of directing actors, not acting myself. Actors are replaceable. The director is not (sure, you can replace him, but you won't get the same film).
It's much more fun to invent things on a computer. You can design, build and execute an idea in just a few hours, rather than the weeks or months it would take to build a technically interesting machine in real life.
I've also discovered a desire to be a long-standing husband and father, both of which are probably stronger than any of my other ambitions. The latter is likely going to be distinctly complicated, as so many gay people seem to have no such interest.
David
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What was your ultimate ambition in life when you were a child? Not jesting - To retire. From what? -Anything.
How did it change as you got older? Never changed Retired at 46
I don't necessarily mean anything that was necessarily achievable: I mean, what caught your imagination and gave you something to live for? I have always enjoyed life. I love good food, like to watch the Grass grow and the birds and the flowers. I like people, toping the list with young men between 18 and 30. Never drink anything stronger then gin before noon. Love to laugh and have laughed to my sides hurt more then could be counted.
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I guess I haven't really addressed why my ambitions have changed. The foremost reason, of course, is what is actually feasibly possible. Becoming James Bond, obviously, is not. And, being young, I haven't actually had all that much time to change my mind.
One major shift I have seen in my life in the last couple of years -- a conscious one -- has been away from computer geekery and towards film-making and a radically different industry. But I would probably never have achieved this had I not dropped out of university (Computer Science) and worked in a "real" job at an internet company. The chances were, Computer Science degree or no, that I would have stuck with it indefinitely -- at least, until I was past conventional university age. By chance I noticed there was an open day at a nearby university, so I visited it, liked the sound of one particular course, and applied for it only (no other courses, no other universities). If I hadn't succeeded (which was quite likely, given my grades) then I'd probably still be in the computer industry. Now I hope to make a career in cinematography. The course is not fantastic, but it convinced me that the film industry is actually a real industry and not just a pipedream. I'm not sure if my parents are so pleased with my choice of industry, though.
David
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Actualy, most of life is not "gay related"
OK..... Ambitions and opportunities......
Once I settled into my routine in the high school environment my parents ordered for me I showed a high apptitude for chemistry and physics....
For my junior science project I designed a high voltage transformer / emiter that produced 2.5 million volts and would send an 8 foot bolt of electricity across a room.... After that fiasco.... (( I say fiasco because it was later determined that this apparatus produced high concentrations of X-rays.... LOL )) I was asked to take an examination administered by the U. S. Air Force..... Now that was a joke.....
Soon afterward I discovered an intense interest in philosophy and followed that option to an advanced degree.... I also have a degree in early english literature but noeve used it for much more than personal enjoyment...
Hobbies thru the years include......
Jewelry fabrication.....
Writing.....
Fantasy role play gaming.....
Renaisance Faires..... As a patron and working cast....
Cooking.....
More reciently.....
Small business operator..... ergo
Army Navy Surplus
Website design and administration
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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was to be an engeer/inventor, or to do some thing with computer
not much tryed the computer engineer thing but it did not work out.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Well I have always been interested in computer engineering and chemistry and I still am.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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