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If there is one thing you could change, what would it be? Knowing what you know now.
I'll post mine in min.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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That as a teenager I knew what a homosexual is and that I was one.
Gary
Naveone
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Mine would be that i could have talked my grandmother in to a surgry that would have saved her life. She died x-mas 2004 from cancer.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think it all comes down to self worth. I've thought about this quite hard and there are many things that would have been changed by self worth being known and understood. I could have done anything if I had realised that I was of some real value. I would have different things in my life today. Different happinesses, different pains.
So, if it were iun my power, I woudl have learnt who i was, that I was worth something, a substantial something, and managed my life after that point proactively and positively instead of drifting as I have done.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy I feel... sorry that you have pain. And not knowing what horrable things you have gone throw. My heart gose out to u.
But I must bring up a thought. If you changed that would you still be the same person that you are to day.
And one other thing I want to thank u personly. For the good you do on this page and the home page. You and every one here have helped me in ways not even i understand yet.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Jason wrote:
> Timmy I feel... sorry that you have pain. And not knowing what horrable things you have gone throw. My heart gose out to u.
Pain is something we all have. Each of us has our own 100% of pain which is, for us, as terrible as the next guy's. In the global scheme of things most of us have very little real pain. The few that do have it tend to bear it with more apparent courage than those who do not. Even so, each experiences 100%.
What I meant was that, of the pains I have today, some would be no longer "valid", and I would have different ones. The same with the joys.
>
> But I must bring up a thought. If you changed that would you still be the same person that you are to day.
Yes. But doing different things. For example, if I were a content soul and at ease, I doubt veyr much that any such site as this would exist. It exists because I needed it to exist. As a more content soul I woudl not have needed it.
>
> And one other thing I want to thank u personly. For the good you do on this page and the home page. You and every one here have helped me in ways not even i understand yet.
I am going to differ with you. The person who has made a difference to you is you yourself. The site, the people at the board here, they act as a catalyst, nothing more. Any help that you have received has come from inside yourself. I accept your thanks, of course I do. And accept them with some pride. But part of that pride is being proud of you, whom I do not yet know, for the good you are doing for yourself.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Perhaps, just perhaps, she chose her path? We old codgers know what is what, you know. Perhaps you could have talked her into it. Perhaps it would have saved her life. Perhaps not.
I think what I hear you saying is that you miss her. But you are not responsible for her dying when she did. Just miss her properly and well. And make a decent memorial to her life by being the best YOU that you can be. Do some good for a stranger today in her name.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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On a certain evening I would have opted to take the cab rather than walk.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy wrote:
> I think what I hear you saying is that you miss her. But you are not responsible for her dying when she did. Just miss her properly and well. And make a decent memorial to her life by being the best YOU that you can be. Do some good for a stranger today in her name.
Oh I know that I'm not responsible for her death. And your right I do miss her. She was more than just my grandmother she more like my mother. And what I mean by that is I felt safe with her like nothing bad could have happen to me. And so far in my life I have never felt like that with anyone else only her. but more on that later.
it's funny how find it easer to talk to some one you never meet before.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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At a certain conference in Birmingham I would have paid much more attention to the porter in the corner.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I know how you feel ..... I miss my Gramma soooooooo much...... Especially around the holidays......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy wrote:
> I am going to differ with you. The person who has made a difference to you is you yourself. The site, the people at the board here, they act as a catalyst, nothing more. Any help that you have received has come from inside yourself. I accept your thanks, of course I do. And accept them with some pride. But part of that pride is being proud of you, whom I do not yet know, for the good you are doing for yourself.
"The person who has made a difference to you is you yourself." Maybe. But if I had never found this site, read some of the stories, and some of the post. I probly would still be kicking my self. This site showed me what I need to see. I finly relized that I'm not alone. And not the only one going throw this stuff. What ment to say was that all you... I don't realy know. I know what I feel but i can't realy put it in too words, theres no word I know of that can come near what I mean. It just that I now know what I'm. NO who I'm. And it feels like ton of bricks has just been lifted off my sholders. And you all helped me do it.
So once more I thank all of you.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Hey I said one thing not two.lol So pick one
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Selfish things?
i. I'd have avoided a certain trip at the end of my third year at secondary school. Don't ask me what happened. But if I hadn't gone on it, I might have made it through to the end of the academic year. Never developed OCD. Made it through the next term. Never have missed most of it. Never fucked up my A levels. Perhaps even made it to Cambridge. Not have been -- for the rest of my life, most likely -- so damn anxious and obsessive all the time. Who knows?
I couldn't have known that at the time.
ii. Less importantly, I could also have 'come out' when I was 14 or 15, and stopped feeling sorry for myself. It might also have had the benefit of preventing the problems mentioned above.
iii. I'd not have scraped that damn car while reversing last June, as it's costing me thousands in increased insurance premiums.
Unselfish things?
Well -- i. I'd withdraw all the stupid and hurtful comments I can remember making; and those I don't remember if that were possible.
ii. I'd have participated more in half a dozen productive activities at school, especially team-based ones.
iii. I'd have Not Been Gay, assuming such a thing were possible by the rules of this thought experiment, as it's inevitably only going to cause upset and complications to my parents and family. (Come to think of it, if Not Being Gay is an option, I'd have to list it under the selfish things as well, as it just makes life so much easier.)
I'm lucky in that I know no-one who has died unnecessarily or unexpectedly. I have always had a chance to apologise for the wrongs I have done to other people. Of course, that is not to say I should not have made more of an effort. I'm a right prat sometimes.
Hmm -- that's quite a few things. The only one, single event that I would want to change is the first thing I mentioned. I don't even know if that would have made any difference in the long run. But I'd still give it a shot.
David
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... I wish that I hadn't been so shy and lacking in self-confidence when I was young. By the time I developed any real confidence in my own talents, it was too later to put some of them to practical use. My career choices would certainly have been different as a result.
Incidentally, following up from Deeej's post above, I have never wished that I had not been gay, even though I struggled for many years to be normal - whatever that might be! I have always earned my living from my logical and technical skills, but I have always derived much more pleasure - and found much more friendship - through my creative and artistic skills - and I have never doubted that those skills are associaled with the gay elemeny of my personality. Put another way, I think that being gay has made me a better person, despite any problems it has caused.
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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A simple question 
Re: A simple question 
