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I was talking on the phone sec ago when he called me fag. Playing like he always dose. But for some reason it hurt this time. Keep in mind up untill few weeks ago, I was not 100% sure I was gay. But to the question how do I go about getting him to stop calling me that with telling him I'm gay.
When I say hurt not painfuly, but... like if some one calls you a name.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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That can get complex. You see there are several reasons for insulting someone. They include- Being insulting - duhhhh!
- Getting someone's attention by whatever means - stupid, but we have all done it
- Testing the water in a really stupid way - yup, been there, done that
- Being very careless with speech
- Actually using it as an endearment
Complex enough for you?
Jason wrote:
>I was not 100% sure I was gay.
Two things here. How do you know for sure you are gay? It takes a lot of courage to say the words "I am gay" even to yourself. Why did you say them? What caused this in your mind?
>But to the question how do I go about getting him to stop calling me that with telling him I'm gay.
If you are sure you are gay, what is actually the harm in telling him, since he is the one you are hoping for a relationship with? I think you are using "pre-gay" thinking here.
A reasonable answer is "Brandon, I may be gay, but I am not a 'fag'. That term never sat comfortably with me. To me it implies pink angora sweaters and tight pvc pants, walking with a mince, and talking with a lisp - pretty much everything I'm not and dislike. Any chance of a date?"
I'm actually serious, but I'm putting this thought up for others to comment on rather than syaing "do it".
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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When I hear words like fag, queer, niger, chink, beaner I just say....
"We don't use those words, It's not nice...."
It usually does the trick....
And it is painful when someone calls you a name....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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And what is wrong with pink angora sweaters and pvc pants....
Well as long as you wear them with a killer pair of Joan Crawford black patent leather come fuck me pumps....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I agree with you completely. Pejorative terms about homosexuality were a part of what made me act straight and marry and all the rest of it.
The challenge Jason faces is that he has only just come to terms with his orientation and he likes Brandon a lot, but is not quite ready to come out to him. I know that he "has to" if he is to stand a chance of having a loving relationship with him (recognising that Brandon may well not be gay at all), but Jason also still wears the armour of apparent heterosexuality.
I know you shed your armour suddenly in your younger years, but I think it was more sudden that you wished and without much choice in the matter. Those of us who struggle to shed the armour do need a spur, a goal, and often a shove, but we must also only go at a pace we can become comfortable with.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Twit! But you know what I mean 
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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OK. First I need to I'm sorry, for not useing names, and the words he was suppost to be friend. It was late, I typed one thing but thought another. The friend I was talking to is my bestfriend Mike that I have know sice 8th grade. We jokiing around and, He called me fag, but not to be mean or hurtful. but as playing around. He has no problems with Gay people we have a lez in or group of freinds. And I think he would be ok with me, if he knew I was gay. But I don't plan on telling Mike any time soon. I just want to find away to get him to stop calling me fag.
On your first question. I kinda knew all along that I was gay, but was real to scared to ever admit it to my self. I pushed it off as a phase, that every one gose throw. That it was the hormones. But it's not. Like I said before in some of my post. It was the main webpage, and some of the stories, and this form. That helped me relize that it was not a phase but who I was.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Marc if you could please stop using such foul language(the f word)you don't know who is reading this. and could be teaching some one a new word. they don't need to use. And I don't like the way you used.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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hahahahaa. Of course I thought it was Brandon. We need to do something about you and pronouns!
With Mike it is obviously totally different. In some ways harder, too, because Mike is and will always be (we hope) a friend.
I think you could steer the discussion along the lines of "You know, it's really strange. I've always wondered about the word 'fag'. It sounds so horrid to describe someone that way when they have no choice at all about their orientation. Kind of like calling a black guy a 'nigger' without ever considering what the recipient thinks of the word. Any idea what 'fag' means, anyway?"
OK, long winded, but you detox the name at once, and make Mike think.
A question for you, though. 'Lez' - is that a good word? I am asking because I have no idea. I know no lesbian ladies personally, and have no idea of the preferred form of address.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Mind you, the word was not used as an expletive, and it did add a great deal to the description. I often police for language, quietly, but this one I was happy to let go.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I have to say, Jason, as far as I'm concerned, that the f word is not nearly as rude a word as 'fag', 'nigger' and the other words that Marc mentioned. Those are perjorative words aimed at minorities, whereas 'fuck' is a perjorative word that can apply to anyone. In that sense, it is much more politically correct.
I never thought I'd be coming to Marc's defence, but in that case "patent leather come fuck me pumps" is a vivid description. It's not insulting anyone except Joan Crawford, and I am sure she can cope with it, being dead.
David
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…is raising its ugly head. I always thought PC was for the intellectually lazy who cannot reason through a course of behaviour for themselves.
As a registered grumpy old man I dedicate a lot of my time to being politically incorrect.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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But if you can't use a word properly don't use it at all so unless you can have sexual intercourse with it and it back with you. your not using it properly.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy wrote:
... without ever considering what the recipient thinks of the word. Any idea what 'fag' means, anyway?"
the meaning og the word fag is a bundal of sticks. but thats not what he ment.
> A question for you, though. 'Lez' - is that a good word? I am asking because I have no idea. I know no lesbian ladies personally, and have no idea of the preferred form of address.
I don't ever realy say that I just could not recall how to spell lesbain. But I heard her call her self a lez. But I don't know maybe I ask her.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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In French a fagotte is a basoon.
Fair answer re "lez"
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Jason said:
>But if you can't use a word properly don't use it at all so unless you can have sexual intercourse with it and it back with you. your not using it properly.
Er, 'fucking' or 'fuck' can be used in a metaphorical sense, and that might not be the original use of the word, but 'patent leather come fuck me pumps' certainly is. I mean, what else can 'come fuck me' mean?
I don't agree that the word 'fuck' should be used only for sexual intercourse, anyway. It has many more meanings than that, and has had for centuries. The expletive 'fuck' is probably less rude than 'fuck' as in to have sex, though obviously the meanings are associated.
Personally, I don't object to a person using 'fuck' as an expletive at a time of great stress. On the other hand, except in a strictly illustrative sense, I seriously object to the use of the words 'fag' or 'nigger' in any circumstances.
This may be an American-British thing.
David
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Hey don't get wrong when I fell on my elbow and heard it crack I sayed fuck. But I'm just say that there are young kids on the internet to day who don't need to know what fuck means.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Oh and I just don't like that word
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have a different view. They should know what it means. They should even be on this site finding out. Kids need to understand things. They are not as unknowing as you think.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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That was the best justification
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Come now, Nigel. There is no need to throw your hands in the air and complain when you see the words 'political correctness'. I don't approve of taking it to extremes, either, but there is logic to it in this case.
Would you rather be abused by a general term that could apply to anyone, or one that singles you out as part of a group worthy of abuse? In the first case, it's you they've got a problem with. In the second, it is not just you: they are lumping you in with the rest of a group they dislike. This is much harder to address, because in that case you will either have to distance yourself from that group, or change their mind on everyone else in the group as well. That may be impossible without introducing them to every single member personally.
Intellectually lazy David
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What I'm by that how can we expect them not use the word if we use.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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I disagree. The world cannot be whitewashed like that. Much better to let them see the word, understand what it means, and realise why you shouldn't use it in polite conversation.
Otherwise children will inevitably come across it somewhere else. If they are told not to mention it, but not told why, the chances are they will use it all the more.
Everything in moderation, I say. Including swear-words, where they serve a useful purpose.
David
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You got a good point there. but the reason why they should not use it is a "butt wopping." LOL But that would be ruling with fear so i can see the logic in your words
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Jason said:
>What I'm by that how can we expect them not use the word if we use.
Treat them like adults. Then they'll behave like adults.
If we use the words, it is the height of hypocrisy to tell them not to, whether they hear us say them or not. You, after all, say fuck when you hurt yourself.
This is not a site for young children. This is a site for teenagers and upwards. They should be able to make decisions on such things as language on their own. I do not believe there is a single teenager who has never heard the word 'fuck', anyway. It's all over television and film.
David
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We had faggots at school. We used to put them on the fire. Not as good as coal, though.
It might be a little bit provocative to call a person a "lez", even if she does herself. A black man might call himself a nigger, but that doesn't make it okay to call him a nigger yourself. Oh, the perils of political correctness!
(Nigel, would you call a black man a nigger just because he calls himself one? Consideration and political correctness are not radically different things. Of course political correctness can get out of hand. I would not say that was getting out of hand, though.)
David
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I don't call her that it just i was pressed for time and not want to look up the spelling
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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I understand that. Even so, it's not a good idea to get into the habit. If you ask, and she says fine, then there's no problem.
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A faggot is also a device you put a cigarette in, its also a container that you put fine win in.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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wine
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I have never recomended to anyone to step out of the closet unless they were fully ready to do so both personally and safely....
There are not many subtle ways to get the attention of a guy especially if you dont know if they are gay (or even willing to experiment)... and you are not yet out yourself.... Every move can be disasterous OR can be wonderful.... No one can judge the outcome... all we can do is make suggestions.
Jason is the only one that actually knows Brandon.... he can only make a best guess choice.....
unless.........
Try and discover if you you and Brandon have any mutual friends.... Do you (Jason) have any gay friends that might be knowledgable reguarding Brandon? Research can often allow a person to make a more enlightened decision.
And at the very worse, it couldn't hurt to know more about him....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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There is the awful longing and fear of long distance adoration to be balanced against the assessable risks of being out and asking.
If I look back at my own life, I think that I was correct in staying closeted while I was a teenager, and even, becuse of my government employment in secure areas, my early twenties.
I was then increasingly "wrong" to stay closeted because I managed to give myself and then my wife only pain from it.
Had I come out as a teenager I risked ruining my life and health by that one event.
If I migrate everything to today, in the same circumstances I think I would have come out in safety.
Applying this to Jason, only he knows what is likely when he tells Brandon he is gay. He can assess the consequences of Brandon being evil and telling the world before jason is ready to tell anyone else.
I think he has to make this assessment.
Now, if the risk is assessed to be minor, then telling Brandon turns into no big deal. After all, minor is minor is minor. All Jason would lose if brandon is not receptive is Brandon. But he can't lose what he never had.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Oh and yes, I think I would have been more....... together..... had I had the opportunity to choose the date of my coming out party myself.....
Oh well, we only get one hand to play and once delt done is done....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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David
Your §1 - it may be a generation thing. You were brought up with PC; we weren't. It's easier to accept what you're brought up with, harder to accept the change in the value of words. The f-word is still unacceptable to us, the n-word isn't, although we're cautious about using it.
Your §2 - I am probably being thick, but I don't understand what you're trying to say.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Jason
I think you are confusing faggot(s).
A fag is a cigarette or in the past a junior boy at an independent school, required to do menial tasks for seniors.
A fagger is an illicit smoker, usually at school.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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My 2 cents worth: Keeping in mind that 2 cents today is not worth the metal it’s stamped on.
In the Navy we swore like Sailors, so much so that the first time I came home on leave my father had to whisper to me, watch your language. I was so used to talking that way I never gave it a thought.
The reason I would give to not use words that may offend, is concern over the feelings of the other people. It is my guess that a woman would rather be called a lez then a cunt. For some reason they take great offence to that.
I have found in my adult life in the Navy and Fire Service the F_ _ _ word and Cocksucker are not fighting words and are used to express displeasure in things. If someone is looking to fight calling them a Mother F _ _ _ er will give them an opening to defend there sainted mother.
Guys can call themselves whatever they like but I don’t feel that gives me the right to use those same words when referring to them.
Most of us don’t learn those words at home we learn them from other children at home many are taught as the song goes from South Pacific: You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught!
Gary
Navyone
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ProfZodiac
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 115
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Do you mind if I ask just how old you are? I had originally guessed 17 or 18, but now I'm thinking younger. I doubt highly that anybody who's reading this site isn't already somewhat familiar with all manners of curse words. Especially since some of those words, if I recall correctly, are used in the stories hosted on this site. And for someone to be able to find this site, they'd have to know somewhat what they were looking for; it's not an easy site to just stumble across.
(I imagine I might be replying again later in this thread, I just wanted to throw this one out there while it was at the front of my mind.)
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I'm 19 born 05/13/1987, And I know the stories say the word fuck, I use the word fuck. But not everyday, only if some thing real hurts like I stated early when I broke my arm a year go last May. I said fuck and some other words. But I don't use in normal conversation. I may say to a close friend when we are out doing some thing. "Man I would fuck her." And thats the right use. Thats all I'm saying.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Thats just it. I don't We live in to differnt towns about 30 mins away and are 2 grades differnt. don't get me wrong one of my friends sisters gose to his high school. (this freinds name is Steven) and she dose not know him, or have any friends that know him.(and by him I mean Brandon)
By the way the only reason I asked her is she is allways asking me about people to see if I know them so it not out of the blue that I ask her.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Re: Need a little help 
Re: Sorry 
