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...Yes, in a way that's the way I feel right now. And I'm not even scared of that low tree-branch that always seems to smack me in the face when I'm 'up' either.
This is a mail I just sent to my Brother in Spirit, I won't bother to write it all again because it's too much stuff...! 
--- 8< --- 8< ---
...Anyways, this has again been a special day.
It started with me going to bed after writing a short email reply to a young guy named smith, a new participant at the IOMfAtS message board. He's fifteen, but from what he writes you'd think he was MUCH older, and is from California. Unfortunately, he just got beat up yesterday by some jocks because he told them to stop harassing a smaller kid. Bruises, broken glasses, cracked ribs, the works.  He then got detention for starting a fight (which he of course did not), and his parents weren't very understanding either it seems. So he had a rough day.
Anyway, I send him the reply, just a short note with a bit of sympathy in it telling him I'll reply more in-depth after I get some sleep (it's 02:20 in the morning by then). I go to bed, wake up after an hour later after having had a fairly scary dream. I go to sleep again. Sometime towards early morning (maybe around six or so), I wake up again. I've had The Most Amazing wet dream, and it was totally satisfying. I have to go to the bathroom, and I have to discard my underwear too for obvious reasons. I go back to bed naked, something I haven't done in AGES since I usually feel rather uncomfortable. But now it just feels good, I'm really starting to get in shape now, and I feel rather sexy and everything...! A wise man at the message board, an UK fella named Darren told me love wasn't likely to be found unless one was satisfied with oneself, and I think there's a bit of truth in that. I am starting to feel satisfied with myself, or my body anyway if not my memories. But these I can ignore for the most part these days; I have the board if I need to release steam. And I have you too.
I sleep well until the alarm wakes me up. I eat breakfast, read my morning mail, surf a bit and stuff, reply again to smith and get my butt down to the gym. I've already more or less reconciled myself with the thought I will never see my Asian dreamboy again (because that's just the way things are for me), and the thought doesn't really bother me anymore. I have that one good memory which I can think of whenever I want, and even though it makes me a little sad, I know I got him excited all by myself, and it makes me feel good, and feel hopeful. But I still lust for him, and if I could choose between him and, let's say, Elijah Wood, I'd still choose my Asian Dreamboy in a heartbeat. I want him and nobody else...
And, as I walk up to the counter and hand over my membership card, THERE HE IS!!! Dressed in his training clothes... I kind of stop there for a second, just looking at him. He notices me. I smile at him, he smiles back. He buys a banana. I get my heart-rate sensor.
He walks over to a table to eat his fruit. I say hello, and so does he. I'm thinking, I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM! But I'm sooooo frickin' nervous, and I just don't have the guts even though I'm yelling and screaming and cursing at myself on the inside to go ahead and do it! But I still leave for the lockers and change into training gear too. There's just one locker room anyway, so if he's finished for the day I'd see him there I know. I weigh myself on the way out. 83.4 kilos.
I go downstairs again and check the tables. I've decided, if he's still there, I WILL go talk to him! Well, he isn't. I go into the gym area instead, he's usually on the elliptical running machines when I see him. Well, he isn't there either. I sigh, and start warming up. Then I see him. He's over at the dumbbells section, doing biceps curls. I feel relieved. I keep my eyes on him, and after a couple minutes he goes on a treadmill instead and starts running, then walking. I speak a bit to another guy I've gotten to know. We're not on first-name basis; neither of us have presented ourselves. He calls me (and everybody else he talks to, which is just about ALL the regulars) "The Man", and look at my Asian Dreamboy as often as on my friend. I've told him there's a person there that I'm lusting for, and he's assuming it's a girl. I think I will tell him the truth some day, because sooner or later my toungue will slip. Well, he's done for the day and leaves.
I finish my warmup and start on my weights program. My Asian Dreamboy finishes winding down and takes the stairs up to the second floor, probably heading for the stretching room, I'm not sure. I finish my reps and go upstairs too, I WILL NOT let him slip out of my grasp again...
Yes, he's stretching out, with his back towards me. We're alone in there. I look at him, feeling terribly nervous. He notices me...
I ask if we can talk a bit.
He readily agrees, and seems like an open guy... I feel a bit relieved. Yes, he does indeed have a slight accent when he speaks, but it's not overly apparant either.
I explain I feel a bit awkward, he says it's okay... Then I ask him, if we could see each other, like at a café or something. He agrees again... He does indeed seem like a friendly, open person and I'm feeling myself going hard just by talking to the guy!
I finally check with him for his training schedule. Seems he doesn't have one, but he comes at about that time of day, so I know I will see him sometime again, even though we do not decide anything there and then. I am a bit late, if I start my warmup at about two in the afternoon I should be more in synch with him...
Before I leave, I say I'd much like to see him again, and smile, and so does he.
And next time I will ask him out for real.
HE SHALL BE MINE, SO HELP ME GOD.
The rest of my workout I train with a happy grin on my face. AND, I totally screwed up my cardio training by thinking about my Asian Dreamboy all the time so my pulse started racing thus tricking the machine to lower the workload. Instead of getting an index of 40+, I was down to 35 and had to add an extra fifteen minutes of training to make up for it, LOL!
I go upstairs again, stretch out, shower, sit in the sauna and cook for a while feeling happy and relaxed, thinking lots of good thoughts, mostly about my Asian Dreamboy. Shower again, get dressed. As I come down the stairs to the ground floor, I hear this booming out of the speakers:
(LIFE; E-Type)
I've got life
just give me time to find
whatever it is it will be alright
forever by your side
We're gonna live forever
don't let this be... whatever
I'm gonna make you believe in something alright, 'cause
we're gonna live forever
if you never say never
we're gonna make it, alright
I've got life
just give me time to find
whatever it is it will be alright
forever by your side
Yes, right now I've got life.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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mihangel
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Likes it here |
Location: UK
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 192
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Don't let anything make you chicken out. You've probably done the hardest bit already. We're willing you on.
Hugs
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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See? I'm your lucky penny. You talked to me
and then met your dreamguy !!
Wow! I want to hear ALL about this. You are
getting to know how inquisitve I am. I am
definitely your #1 cheerleader
smith....bouncing excitedly about your happiness!!
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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It took guts, but we knew you could do it and we've been telling you there IS someone special out there for you. Mind, I can't guarantee this guy's is THE ONE, I guess nothing in life is guaranteed, but good luck and enjoy your time with your new friend!
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It's a really nice thought, I appreciate it a lot.
Well actually, what I was thinking was, if you were brave enough to get beat up trying to stop a couple neanderthals, then I can talk to my Asian Dreamboy. And I did.
And it's okay to be nosy here in general, and with me in particular. I'm just about through hiding, so I'll just go ahead and tell you...
My Asian Dreamboy is a guy I've been keeping my eyes on since I started going to the gym. He's Asian (obviously), but not very dark-skinned. His hair is black, straight and pretty short. Today he had it combed and parted down one side, but usually he's had it a bit fluffy/spiked with hairspray instead. A bit shorter than me (I'm about 181 cm, that makes me just over six feet I guess, in case you're metric-impaired, but you're smart so you're probably not). Not sure how old he is, but somewhere in his mid-20s I guess, so calling him "boy" is more affectionate than accurate.
I'd see him every once in a while when I was there. He's not excessively good-looking. Fairly mundane actually, much like me. Not particulary well-muscled either. Again, much like me (except, my legs are nice ). Anyway, it doesn't matter to me, I really like looking at him anyway! I've usually seen him on the elliptical running machines, not pumping iron, and I try to look him over whenever I can. He often wears tight cotton T-shirts, which clings nicely to his chest, and long cotton pants, which makes his butt look good.
About two weeks ago (I think), I had again seen him down in the gym. Later, I was coming out of the sauna and into the showers to cool off. He was taking a shower too, and when he was done, went into the sauna. He's never done that before that I've seen, many just shower and then dry themselves off.
I follow him. Actually, I'd always intended to go back inside, but this gave me extra incentive... (Here you can cover your young, pure eyes and skip past the naughty bits, LOL) Anyway, he and I get stiff, and I jerk him off, and he comes and it's really nice. And then I don't see him for over two weeks and go and agonize over it, and now he's back and I'm happy!
So thanks for your thoughts, I think it helped somehow...
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Not on your life! Get ready to cut and paste!
I have a barrage of questions.
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Trevor, I know this guy might not be the one, but I have to check first, right? Anyways, I've never had a boyfriend before (and I really don't have one yet either actually, but I'm hopeful it will happen), so just TRYING it for once would be a welcome change for me.
Mihangel... Yes, I too think the hard part is done now. The target of my affection does seem to be a nice person, so I don't feel apprehensive about speaking more to him. I'll probably be bit nervous, but that won't stop me. Not now.
smith: I got your barrage alright...! Great email, I'm reading it now.
-Lenny
PS: Oh GAAWD, I'm so bubbly and excited right now, hehe! Hope it won't be another two weeks until I see him again, that would make me go crazy...!
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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AdamAnt
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 74
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WELL DONE...talk about taking a leap in the deep end....i would have shit my pants approaching him like that
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I feel like I really had to. Like it was worth it, taking that leap.
...And of course, now I feel like I didn't leap far enough (I still don't know his name, his phone number or anything). But maybe I have to do this in small steps? I feel I accomplished as much as I could two days ago, I dared to speak to him and he didn't reject me (quite the opposite!), and maybe that was as far as I could have gone that time.
I will see him again, I'm confident of that, even though it may be a while since he said he doesn't train much these days. But I know at around what time to look for him, and I will do that. I'm probably re-arranging my training schedule, instead of going every other day, I'll probably train two days, then rest one, and work out different muscle groups each time. I'm having a meeting with a gym instructor tomorrow, I will ask his advice then.
...And MAN, am I spent now or what?!? I did a total of one hour ten minutes again, burning like 900kcal (considerably better than two days ago when my thoughts wandered), and I feel absolutely, positively exhausted! I even slept in my computer chair for like 15 mins until the evening news started (had my cellphone alarm set to wake me up). A pretty weird feeling I must say.
-Lenny
PS: Hey Tim... I'd hoped you'd say something too, but... Oh well. Perhaps another time...
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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I am impressed too Lenny that you had the strength to talk to someone. In all my single years, I never had such courage. Maybe it is just my imagination, but you seem to be feeling better about yourself these days.
Choa,
Darren
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No Message Body
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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but I'd like to congratulate you and add my open admiration of your courage to the rest. I'm sure he's interested since you made him sound smart enough (among other attributes ;0)) so he won't pass up this opporunity to get to know you. You are a great guy just remember that, he'll be lucky to be with you. I'm glad working out turned out so good for you and do keep telling us how it workes out .
Keep in mind if your happy, we're happy.
Hugs,
Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
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Like Adam said: OH MY F%#KING GOD 
Well done, Lenny, go for it! 
And you thought I had questions before ::giggle:: 
