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Edman
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 8
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I found this site much by mistake. I have spent about 2 months watching the interplay between everybody and I must say it provided me with some amusment and thought. I hope you wont mind another old geezer putting his two cents in. I do have a question for the bunch of you. What happenes when you cant see a future, that timorrow is just another day and you dont know if the next day will come.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I guess the answer is to be curious. Tomorrow may be all sorts of things. What it turns out to be is partly in our own hands. We influence whether tomorrow is a day where we can see a future or one where we cannot. I've had loads of tomorrows I absolutely did not look forward to and loads where the sun shone and everything was right with the world.
Part of that was my attitude. I can be desolate on the sunniedt day and happy on the most dreadful. And I am not talking about weather.
When low I try to be curious about what the next day will bring.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Edman wrote:
> What happenes when you cant see a future, that timorrow is just another day and you dont know if the next day will come.
Well, you get up before the sun rises and go out and find something interesting to do.
No day "is just another day".... Each one is the first day if you are willing to take a little bit of a chance.
As for "knowing if the next day will come".... Hell, no one knows the answer to that for sure. All you can do is take it on full steem when it does arrive.
anywho..... glad to see ya and hopes ya sticks around.....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Hi Edman,
>What happenes when you cant see a future, that timorrow is just another day and you dont know if the next day will come.
Well, I don't think that anything in particular happens. Some people, especially those who are old or who have achieved their aims in life 'take one day at a time' and dwell in the moment rather than the future. It lets them focus on the good things in life and not worry about those that have not yet happened. Your words don't necessarily imply unhappiness. Do the words describe you? Do you want to change your life somehow?
David
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Edman
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 8
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David,
I am 59 yeats old, so it is not an age problem. However, I am HIV possitive, My kidneys have failed and Im on dyalisis, I have COPD (43 years of smoking)and I have had a heart attack. Maybe its depression or maybe I just dont see a future where I can enjoy retirement. I know this is non of you alls problem and I dont blame anyone but myself, but I was wondering if anyone else was in this possition and how they coped with it.
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Edman
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 8
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By the way, If that is your picture on your post, you are a very attractive young man. Hope you dont mind me saying that.
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Hi Edman,
>I am 59 yeats old, so it is not an age problem. However, I am HIV possitive, My kidneys have failed and Im on dyalisis, I have COPD (43 years of smoking)and I have had a heart attack. Maybe its depression or maybe I just dont see a future where I can enjoy retirement. I know this is non of you alls problem and I dont blame anyone but myself, but I was wondering if anyone else was in this possition and how they coped with it.
I haven't been in exactly that position myself -- I'm only 22 -- but I can relate in some ways. I've been depressed in the past (more than that, actually: I've had a crippling anxiety disorder) and for a long time I felt that there wasn't much to look forward to in my life.
I suppose I did get through the worst of it by 'living for the moment', taking every moment as it came, but that had some adverse effects on my work (I procrastinated terribly). Once things started working out, I started making longer term plans, one of which (university) is only just coming to fruition, four or five years later. But don't worry too much about the long-term. Try and find kindred spirits, people you enjoy being with, things you enjoy doing, and try and push the major worries to the back of your mind. I know it's far easier said than done.
If you really think it's depression, then it's probably a good idea to try and find someone in real life to talk to: not necessarily a psychiatrist, but a counsellor or therapist or a self-help group, someone who's dealt with people in your situation before or who has been in your shoes. This board is also likely to help, if you can bring yourself to commit to it fully. There's more to being here than just asking and giving advice; it's about interacting with other people, responding to their threads, joking around, getting to know them. That can be very therapeutic.
Oh, and that picture is me, yes. Thanks for the compliment. 
David
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You need to talk to arich. He is affected by HIV too.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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He is as good lookikng in real life, too. If only he would believe it
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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LOL, I'm not as good looking as Deeej, but I am POS also. A bit rushed right now, almost time to go to work. I'll post again in the AM.
One thing I will say is that you already sound like a survivor to me! How long have you been POS?
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Edman
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 8
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Well, if I was 30 years younger................
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Edman
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 8
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I have been pos for 4 years. The kidney failure is not because of the HIV but is a result of uncontrolled high blood pressure.
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Hi, Edman.
First of all, welcome to this forum.
You wrote:
I am 59 yeats old, so it is not an age problem. However, I am HIV possitive, My kidneys have failed and Im on dyalisis, I have COPD (43 years of smoking)and I have had a heart attack.
My immediate reaction to your message was that if you have all those problems and you have the energy and 'gumption' to write to this forum you're not doing as badly as you think.
Iam older than you, and over the past decade or so I have also suffered from rather debilitating 'afflictions'. I have a severe heart condition which has twice required surgical intervention, including the implantation of a defibrillator; I had my prostate removed when all the cardiologists were saying "over his dead body"; and recently I had an operation on my right foot because I slipped and broke my Lisfranc joint. The recovery from that operation required me to have my leg in a caste for eleven weeks during which period I was forbidden to put even the slightest pressure on that leg. Since the removal of the caste I have been learning to walk again using a walker and then crutches. I do not yet have enough 'play' in my foot to drive... etc etc etc
Last week I sent in a letter of resignation to my place of work because my foot (even though slowly recovering) will not permit me to continue as I would like.
Why do I relate all this? Because I have found plenty to occupy myself with and despite having been a virtual prisoner in the apartment for more than 3 months I have never been bored. I have a remunerative way to occupy myself from home and despite everything I don't think that I shall ever retire - at least unofficially.
When I was seriously ill a couple years ago Timmy wrote here that I think that I am immortal. I disagree. But I certainly intend to go on living until I die.
My advice is to find yourself something to occupy yourself with - possibly via the computer, if your situation makes movement problematic - and not to let yourself wallow in the 'vale of despond'.
We are all here for you whenever you need us.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Good luck.
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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I guess I’ve been lucky in a lot of ways; I was diagnosed ten years ago at a time when it was thought a good idea to wait to go on meds, so I did, but put it off a bit long. I ended up with a very low T cell count and moderate viral load, I am really glad HAART was available by the time I did go on meds! As it is, it has only been in the last six months that my T cell count has reached normal levels, though I have had non detectable viral load from the beginning. Another rather cool thing is that I’ve been on the same nucleosides with only one med change in that whole time.
I have a lot of questions really. my main concern is what kind of medical support service are available to you? People don’t realize that even here in the US there can be a vast difference between what is available in a rural as opposed to and urban area, ever region to region, if you’re in the south I’d say move!
Now I’m a bit younger than you at just short of 53 but JFR hit it right on, well everyone has in their own way and it’s all been good. I think, thing is to be as resourceful as circumstances allow. Though I am still doing my 40 hours a week I am planning on a day when I can give up (it being very exhausting) working for someone else. I do metal smithing and stone cutting. Then there is always doing volunteer work for HIV groups in say the GLTB or other HIV org., I’ve had time to do a little volunteer work and found it very fulfilling.
Sorry, I’m rushing this, but it’s getting close to my bed time. Feel free to email me if you want. Or ask what you will here, this is a lovely bunch of human beings; we’ll all be here if you need. Yikes, I need to be off to the land of Nod.
Peace
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Edman
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 8
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Well, I do live in the south but I am fortunate to live where the best HIV clinic in the US is located. They put me on the cocktail and things have been going fine. My T cell count is 750 and my viralm load is undetectable. I would still be working if it wasnt for my other health problems. I spend so much Time at medical places and seeing doctors that there just doesnt seem to be any time for anything else. I dont make plans, because I never know whats going to happen.
I guess Im being selfish unloading all my problems on you guys. Hope you all arnt irritated that I droped in like this.
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