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ascaredkid
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Getting started |
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 5
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Where do I start? As of last month I realy have no friends. I have come out to them by droping hints, but I got totaly diff reaction from how I thought they would react. It is lonely and also hutful to know that people I had cared about would turn their bakes on me cuz of my sexual preffrence. Some now even haye me, but I am right there with them. I do not hate myself cuz i am gay, I hate my life. To be hounest there is only two reasons why I am still here, but one of them my turn out to be fulse, and if it is I am not sure what I will do.
It is so hard to be some one your not, so people will talk to you, or even look at you. I know I am depressed, for the main reason its not normal to cry your self to sleep, that is if I sleep. And when I do sleep I really wish I would never wake, besides its not like any one will miss me am only the little gay fag.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I don't have a load of time in the next few hours, so I just wanted you to know you are not being ignored. I'd like you, if you will, and definitely without revealing who or precisely where you are, to try to tell us a little more about yourself, and the situation at home, school, broadly what nation/region you live in, religious issues that you may be facing, etc.
Let's see if we can all work out together how to help you be who you are without losing those whom you like to be with
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hi,
I'm really sorry to hear that things are going badly at the moment. Depression is a very horrible thing. So are the ignorance and selfishness of others -- there is no excuse for anyone who changes his or her attitude towards another person simply because of his sexuality.
It's very difficult to know what to say as you have given so few details; if, as Timmy says, you can give a few more that might allow us to make some practical suggestions (without, of course, giving out any personal information) then that would be very helpful. To begin with, which country are you in?
Welcome to the board, and I do hope that things will improve for you and that we'll be able to help.
David
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Scared Kid,
You are not alone. You are a member of our community and our family. You would be very much missed because you are loved. You know who you are. Those "friends" who have turned away are those who are also scared of their own sexuality, afraid of their peers, and totally not understanding or maybe not loved themselves. Be strong and kind to those people and as you give out the strength and love you will receive love back. I would hope that your parents love you so much that they would give you their support and tell you just how much they love you just as you are, not because you're gay or not gay but because you are you and their precious child. The people on this board are kind, loving, friends. Come back and let them get to know you and shower you with their love and friendship. Bless you.
Tad Durham
Tad Durham
Belfast, Maine U S A
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Hey scared kid
It takes time for people to adapt to a new situation, it’s only been a month and well, at some point they will realize that you are the same person you always were before. I imagine they aren’t even really sure how they should act around you any more. Have you talked with them directly about it, have you told them what you are feeling? You’ve been very brave so far, talk to them, you may be surprised.
And remember just like the weather things change!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Ncxw1xfck
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Edman
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 8
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Loneliness is a part of being gay, but it wont last forever. Somewhere in your school or neighborhood is another young man who will see you and fall in love with you. You are not just some gay kid, you are a living breathing human being and you are loved by more people than you can realize. This is not the end of your life but the beginning. Comming here to this forum, you will begin to make friends and people who will love and help you all they can. Stick with us, give us and give yourself a chance.
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I hope you listen to what some of these guys are saying to you; they really do care about you and want to help in any way they can.
I am probably 3 times or maybe 4 times your age but I can assure you that telling anyone about your true self never gets any easier no matter how old you are. I know that by now most of my friends and relatives probably would conclude I am gay although I never said so directly. But althugh I never married I never had someone living with me as a partner either so it might not be so conclusive.
I know that I never had the guts to say anything about myself to my close friends or my relatives so what you are doing is a brave thing. I guess there isnt much I can do to help with that except to say that I can understand the situation. Many others here have gone thru what you are experiencing and have survived it ok and they are some of the nicest guys I know. If they can put up with me, there is a chance for everybody! LOL
I guess what bothers me most about the world around us is the intolerance we can experience and I can see that is what you may feel you are recieving from some of your friends. You might be wrong about that and it may just be that many are a bit uncomfortable in finding a way to talk to you about this whole thing. It is not every day that one of your friends tells you he is gay. So try to give them some time to get used to it and see that you are the same as you were before they knew.
Please give things some time to get better and come here and tell us how you are doing. We all care, believe me.
Ken
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ascaredkid
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Getting started |
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 5
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I am not sure I want thos friends back,but then again I am not sure I wanna go on with my life.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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The thing is, although Peter Pan said that "Death is a very big adventure" it tends to be final, and those you leave behind remember you with anger and sorrow. It is an option, but a poor one.
A short while ago we had a young man, Will, posting here. He posted something incredibly sad about a young man who chose to die. It's here: http://tinyurl.com/ytaxkk
The boy he loved killed himself because he loved Will and felt it was impossible to go on. He never knew that Will loved him and was too scared to tell him. Can you risk that? That you could hurt the boy with whom you want to spend quality time?
Talk to us. Tell us some more.
[Updated on: Sun, 28 January 2007 09:55]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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Hi scared kid
You are on the right track already so try not to be too scared. You have already shown you have a lot of courage just by coming here and sharing your feelings and coming out to your friends. Just because it didn't work out the way you wanted it to doesnt mean they are bad. They are most likely afraid of admitting their own sexuality to themselves or others.
You wont ever be alone if you stick around here because we thrive on helping guys like you. Just keep talking to us so we can get to know you better and you to know us. It might be useful if you can come up with a name we can call you (doesnt have to be real).
We really do look forward to hearing more from you and we care.
There are great things in this life waiting for you so please give them a chance to happen.
Aussie 
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Sadly, I had forgotten that post we all saw months ago. I went to the post and read all that was written there again. I felt really sad again and will always feel so bad when I hear of anyone wanting to end their life. Please, let me give them a hug or say the right thing to help them get over what is deeply hurting them at the moment.
I have thought many times that I would trade my pathetic existance to give one of those boys a chance to live again. It gives me some hope that maybe in some slight way, my words might convince some boy to keep on another day. I know that I am still of the belief I can find someone to love and I have waited for over 50 years already.
Ken
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Without more information it is very hard to comment.
As far as being scared, well, think about it, if your so called friends do not accept you the way you are then as far as I can see they were not very good friends to begin with.
They might be frightened of you now..... but dont worry, it's not catching.....
they might out and out hate you now..... sometimes some people can not handle anyone that is different in even the slightest way.....
but then..... perhaps they just do not understand.....
OK..... that being said.... is there a chapter of PFLAG near by? That is Parents and Friends of Leisbans And Gays..... It costs nothing to go and the meetings are loaded with friendly people that truly understand how you feel and what you are going through. Sometimes it helps to just sit with someone that understands and talk things through.
Also, is there a school based group called "The Gay Straight Alliance" at your school?
And finally.... I want you to know something about me.... I was outed when I was 14 and a freshman in high school. I know what it is like to have what seems to be everyone turn their backs on you.... I tried to do myself a fatal injury and was discovered before the deed was complete....
I was stupid to try something like that and you would be just as stupid if you did too....
The fact is that although things may seem frightening and lonely now. give your friends a chance to digest all this new information you dropped onto their plate.... Remember that this is all new to them. They need a bit of adjustment time just the same as you.
Hang in there,
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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ascaredkid
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Getting started |
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 5
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yes/no
do it/ dont do it
so hard to make upmy mind, but really i will not make the destion, one person controls weather i live or die.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Yes. One person alone controls that. There is no-one else to take responsibility for this except you, yourself.
Since there are so many reasons for living and so few for dying you might just as well see what happens in the future. You should also listen to Marc. He was there at 14, when all seemed bleak and black. Now he is inhis fifties. Life has not always been kind to him, and there ar eparts he wishes with all his heart had not happened, but, except for those parts, I don't think he regrets a moment of being alive.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I would agree with Tim here. I could have had a lot of things happen to me in my life and came close to dying more than once. The one time that the boy I met on the beach and thought was so willing and turned out to be VERY straight was pointing the gun at my head, but changed his mind. I had acually said for him to go ahead, but I was not thinking very clearly at the time as I had just been kicked out of the Navy and thought my life was now over at 26 yrs of age.
I went home because that was what I thought of as my safe haven and found some disagreement with my brother, but I was there for when my dad needed me when my mother died only 2 months later.
In my mid thirties I was hit by a 42" pipe wrench which was hurled off a 100hp motor when it was accidentally started. I think I surely used up another of my 9 lives that time. I had my jaw broken severely and survived with no outward indication of it and still have all my teeth and I am now 67.
I have looked back many times on that time when I was suicidal and wondered if really all the rest of the time had been worth it all. I finally was able to find some friends where I could be open about who I was; all of them have so far told me that they are so happy I didnt kill myself back then and that nothing has taken me away from thier lives. One of the other things that kept me from killing myself was my belief that there is a God and he will not forgive me if I cant ask him for it. After I am dead I didnt think I would be able to do that so my logic prevailed. I was not overly religious however and had not been in church for about 25 years when I started again just about 4 years ago.
So if we can do anything for you on this site, I hope it is to convince you that others will feel your loss even if you dont think so at this time. So keep us informed as to how things are going for you.
Ken
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dyllbrad
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: December 2006
Messages: 34
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hi a scared kid
im or email or contact jay also known as zerograv on here and ask him about crzy house ok great support for u ok
brad
dyll's jac's cousin brad is my boyfriend...
so wat if i kissed another boy in class and got caught
(THIS MAY WELL BE OUR LAST POST)
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ascaredkid
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Getting started |
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 5
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well i just want to say good bye, as this will most likely be my last post, it all depends on him, but more than likely I will try and learn to fly like superman. but like i said it all depends on him.
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Scared kid,
Nothing depends on only one other person. Ultimately it depends on you. No matter what other people say to you, you have your own mind, and I promise you, things will get better if you allow them to. Maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but childhood and the teenage years do not last forever. Many of us here have been through the blackest depression and emerged the other side all the stronger for it.
If this is really your last post -- for whatever reason, however things go -- then I offer you my best wishes and a hope that things will improve for you in the future.
If you want to email me then my email address is spuriously@gmail.com. Because of the time zones (are you in America?) I'm off to bed now, but I'll be back online again tomorrow.
David
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Well, since you seem determined to do this, better choose a place where you won't just end up maimed. If you are going to try to fly make sure you start at a good height, otherwise all you'll do is break stuff and end up broken, not dead.
And make sure you do it where no kids will see your body, because they just don't deserve to see that stuff. And make sure no-one is underneath, because killing them is not pleasant.
Better not go too high. What if you change your mind on the way down? Having all that time to think before the inevitable thump would be awful.
Or, since you've decided your life is over anyway, why not find a trusted person and just talk to them? Can't lose, you can always go and try flying anyway when it all goes wrong like you expect.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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You ask for advice and yet provide little in the way of background information.
If your continuation on this little ball is dependant on only one person than don't get your hopes too high.
The only person you need to rely on is yourself.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I may be making a mistake in saying anything. I mean your course seems to be set, and as has been said many time so far, it is a slender thread that you put your hope in.
The only thing I can think to say and I don’t even know if it applies, is that love is a very complex thing. It is to my mind the most important thing we can ever learn, the most important part of love and the hardest maybe is to learn is to love our selves, for if we can’t even love our selves how can we know how to love another. No we are not perfect, we are works in progress, and we go on changing if we choose to do so. It can be so hard to know who we love and who we want. Love is true freedom; we give up what we want for the love we have for another even when it hurts, because love puts them ahead of our wants.
One thing to add to my always strange rambles. It isn’t what others say about us, it’s not even what we say bout our selves that makes of us who we are, but what we do.
I hope you remain with us and find a little place of peace. This melancholy is finite in comparison to the infinite possibilities available to us.
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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You want to hear the truth?
1- What you are about to do is stupid. If you are confused, read all the posts above.
2- You are not alone. There is always someone that has it worse than you. Think about it.
3- There are many things worth fighting for!
Try expressing your thoughts in here. Type whatever you feel; anything counts because in here there will always be someone reading. Doesn't matter if they don't reply but i can assure you someone will listen and relate to your story. I can't promise you will receive the help that you seek, but at at least, you will be able to let your feelings out because that is what you need. Believe me (us?) when i say, it feels sooo good to talk about things.
C'mon kid. Help us out and give us more information about your situation. You control how much you want to share, but at least start somewhere so we can tell you our stories.
Miguel
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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yes it would be stupid, in life one day fades and another lights up.slowly,
watch the sun rise, love is the same, some times it fades quickly, some times slowly, but hi enjoy.
if you jumped off a building and did happen to kill yourself how do you know you wont be dragging chains behind you because you tried to take a short cut in life.
visit your local hospital and look at the terminally ill children did they deserve that illness. if you are fit and well read all the posts then move on and enjoy, if people dont like you then they are not your freinds, but a lot of people are but you just need to open your eyes.
life is to enjoy.
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Hey scared kid, imagine you did try to fly like Superman, but didn't die. Instead you became a quadraplegic needing 24/7 attention. And furthermore you wouldn't then be able to kill yourself.
Think of the effect on those around you.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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I will not say that i Know how you feel because no two people feel the same way about something. But what I can say is that I have been down that road and I am still here.
I will not lie to you by saying it was ok, instead I will tell you that it was like dragging my balls over hot coals.
People made me feel like I was worth shit, and all I had to give was me. And thats exactly what I did. I gave myself some time to think things through and just went on with my life. At first it was hard for me to go out on my own, but after awhile it all just started to come right. I made so amazing friend and out of that came some even better boys. Once people see who you really are they either move on past or move closser because they want what you have. Comfort with who you are.
I really dont know if any of this made any sense but if you ever feel like talking drop me a mail and lets chat. michael.mecs@galileosa.co.za
Regards To All
:-*
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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ProfZodiac
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 115
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Has anyone heard from this kid since he made his threat?
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ascaredkid
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Getting started |
Registered: January 2007
Messages: 5
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No that was not me. he ans my question with me asking. so i have decided to not follow thro with my plan.
but it still lays there in the bk of my mind. but fore now i am fine. or at least i think i am.
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Glad to see your still with us, and feeling better. Now I wish I could say the same heh but my stuff is mostly physical. : P
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Re: Y Do I Feel So Alone... 
Re: Y Do I Feel So Alone... 
