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I really don't know where this post belongs among the threads, so I have taken the lazy way out and started a new one.
I have stayed out of this discussion and even now I have no intention of addressing the "Brian" situation directly. But I would like to set up my soap box here for a few minutes on the general question of veracity on the Internet.
Probably, never has mankind invented a mechanism so apt for 'appearing to be someone that you are not' as chat rooms, forums, email etc. The medium almost seems to invite this. So the question arises as to whether mendacious posturing (i.e. pretending to be someone that you aren't) can be ethically justified under any circumstances.
The unique qualities of Internet communication seem to be immediacy, intimacy and distance. I can communicate with others almost instantaneously and that communication can become very intimate - both as regards what I reveal about myself and what is revealed to me by others. However, that immediate intimacy is mitigated by distance: I am always able to hide the real me behind the Internet screen, because however much we might know each other we have never really met.
Sometimes people tell no lies about themselves but are very careful not to tell the whole truth; more often than not they have good reasons for doing so. Sometimes people tell lies about themselves: often they have reasons that we could understand, often they do not (and, remember, we do not have to accept the idea that 'comprendre c'est tout pardonner').
The people who visit this forum are in need. All of us. If there were not the need we would not be here. There is probably a limited number of 'needs' that bring people here, but there are certainly several - each of us with his own need.
The golden rule about Internet communication is that you must accept people as they say they are while all the time bearing in mind that they may not be exactly as they say they are. That is the nature of the beast. Generally speaking no harm is done as long as people keep their heads on the shoulders and their hearts out of an Internet liaison. If you want to get to know an Internet acquaintance intimately then you must meet them in real life. And if they find a million reasons why such a meeting is not now convenient all the warning lights that are known in the universe should be blinking like hell for you.
So how are we to judge the ethical stance of mendacious posturing on the Internet? It seems to me that the criterion should be whether the posturing is or is not malicious. If it is not malicious, if the person has no ulterior motive, wishes no harm, then given the nature of Internet communication we should accept it. (My own religious tradition has a guidance in such circumstances: "respect him and suspect him".)
Quite often an innocent posturing may degenerate into a malicious one regardless of the intentions of the posturer. In such circumstances the noble posturer will disengage, disappear - or, of course, 'come clean'.
In another post in another thread on this same subject someone rightly said that what draws us towards people on the Internet is not who they say they are but their personality as we perceive it through their participation. That personality is really them, regardless of whether they say they are a 15 year old lad or a 90 year old spinster. It may not be the personality that they show their friends and relatives in real life, but it certainly is the person that they want to be.
Like Cossie, once I became very fond of a young man who posted on an Internet forum. He had a most engaging personality and I loved him dearly. So did others, some, like me, in a fatherly way, others not in a fatherly way; some in a manner appropriate to the age differences, others not. At a certain point that young man perceived that his posturing was becoming malicious, that it was causing harm (or potential harm) to others and revealed himself to us as he truly was in real life. Some of those who had known him withdrew in a self-righteous huff: they had been hoodwinked, treated disgracefully, their trust had been betrayed etc. Others, like myself, realized that what we had been so fond of was the soul of that person. I am delighted to say that I am still friends with that person, that I have not lost anything. Indeed, I once wrote that I had lost a phantom and gained a friend - a very dear friend.
This is an outrageously long past, outcossying Cossie! Bottom line: enjoy the Internet connection for what is offers but never give your heart to anyone you have not met in real life.
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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JFR wrote:
> And if they find a million reasons why such a meeting is not now convenient all the warning lights that are known in the universe should be blinking like hell for you.
Wholeheartedly agreed. The reasons may make sense, but "love finds a way". So far, all the people that have lied about themselves have had excuses about meeting me. All those that have been truthful have jumped at the chance and done everything in their power to enable it. If you find yourself in an "online relationship" be safe, but remember the sooner it stops being online, the better.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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Thanks JFR that was so well said.
I don't think anyone could have put it more clearly.
I think the insights and warnings about internet relationships are worthy of being added to the heading of this forum and kept for posterity for all who come here to read and heed.
What say you Timmy?
Aussie
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