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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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The one thing I have the hardest time dealing with.....
I have to deal with.....
Every day..... but weekends are by far the worst.....
I dont know if I can deal with this.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Take the people who care about you quietly into your heart, off the board. No-one will make your issues public, but everyone I have spoken to, and I have just had supper with three of them, has asked after you and wished there were a way to help you through whatever ails you. All they know from me is that you have had a private challenge that has turned your life upside down. They are there for oyu, they just don't want to intrude, so have been waiting for you to walk a pace towards them.
Not everyone cares, of course not, but those you would expect to care do care
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I agree we need companionship, but it is the benefits I think most are in need of and I am not talking about sex! I often wonder at this need, nothing can take its place. Well, at least I’ve never found anything that does. I’ve had it, lost it, and in some cases I have never really had it at all, nevertheless it can take many forms, these connections of the heart. Indeed I envy those of you that have forgone your orientation, what ever the reason and been married and have families, you are the luckiest of us all, you will have loved ones around you till the end, though this is by all means no guaranty.
I seek no pity, the reason I write this though is to say, keep on holding on, for those that do not have a loved one or the love of a family. I have none of these, yet somehow I’ll keep going, I am not nor will I in any way minimalize what any of you are going through. Think about it long and hard, home is where the heart is, for those of you that have hearts you hold dear and they yours, you are not alone.
Marc you are one of the luckiest people I know. I have no idea what you may be going through right now, but I know you have family and friends who love you. I have come to find that in the end it is not so much our own needs that matter most it is the need of others even when seemingly random innocuous that meaning may seem in the end. The love we give we give freely it may or may not come back. Yes it hurts but I would not forgo the love that I have been able to give. If there is one thing most of us wrinkle’s have seen in life is that at best most of it ephemeral indeed life it’s self. Despite all the ups and downs, I have to stay, if even for the one act that means the most to me, saving the life of a of an friends son, though I have not heard a word from them in over ten years now, up until shortly after I told them I had hiv. Don’t think badly of them though, I have come to understand much about human nature in the last ten years. The point is, who knows when I might be in the right place at the right time to impact another life so unconditionally, it can seem so random, as to be almost meaningless yet if I had not been there at that moment in time, in reality the world have lost a shining beautiful delightful little boy, mg he really was something. Sighs he’d be nearing 15 or 16 now I wonder how he’s turned out, knowing his rents he’s probably still a great kid. I’ll never know, but at least he’s had the chance.
This may sound weird to most of you, but it is this one simple thing that made me realize that no matter how unfulfilling life can be some times, it can be infinitely important that we are here, for someone may need us for the briefest of moments.
[Updated on: Mon, 26 February 2007 02:46]
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Marc,
I don't know what you're going through but I can feel the hurt in your post. I know I'm new here and that you don't know me very well. But Timmy and other posters have been so accepting of me and nice to me when I put my pain on the board, that I just want you to know that I do care about you and what you're going through.
I deal with my pain every day and weekends are even harder with holidays being the hardest. I had a family around me once (even though they were on the homophobic {uncomfortable with my orientation})and for almost all the time growing up it was family Sunday dinners, birthdays, holidays, and once a year family re-union in August: great food, visiting with relatives most we didn't see during the rest of the year, and in mid-afternoon, my Mom would play my grandmother's piano and we would sing the popular songs of the day - sweet times. Then we lost some of it when my grand parents passed away; then five years ago this month when my Mom passed away, it was like she took it all with her. The rest of the family to busy with their own families and the feelings of this generation that it was too much work to do those things.
In between these times, the hope of finding a life partner & relationship, was constant but unsuccessful. Now I am older and live all alone and being alone is a hell in itself as the burden of it gets more weighted down more and more. Guenth nailed it just right, especially in a more or less homophobic area and the burdens of finances,transportation,and health problems are present.
So I can and do feel the pain and the pain of yours. I just want you to know Marc, I am a confidential and trustworthy listener and friend and am here for you if there is anything I can do for you I would be willing to be there for you. The posters on this board, love you very much. You are not alone. Bless you.
Tad Durham
Belfast, Maine.
tad034@gwi.net
Tad Durham
Belfast, Maine U S A
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