|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
Whatever it is you feel passionately about I will not allow this board to be used to deliver threats.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You r right and I should have not posted that.
but I could careless about my self or what happens to me. but I will not stand idly by as someone use one of my friends for their sick twisted pleasure. I am very protective of thos that I hold dear. i see some thing like that as an atack on them, and that is a button once pushed cant be unpushed.
Jay
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
Please do not continue down this path. Everyone, without exception, is here for a reason. There is a large support network here that works "by itself", and those in need and in pain are generally held safe in someone's arms while they come to terms with whatever has happened.
Sometimes people act in what seem to be very strange ways. We have to look carefully, sometimes, to find and understand the reasons. That does not make their actions acceptable, but it lets us understand them.
Anger is reasonable, and often justified. I'm not criticising you for being angry. I'm not even criticising you for showing anger (I just had to delete the way you were showing it). When we feel let down we are allowed to be angry.
The problem with anger is that it consumes you, and you lose who you are in the anger that you have. Try instead to learn how to forgive. It's harder than being angry, but, once you can forgive, you can help other people at a deeper level.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes, Timmy we all have problems and we are here to help, and be helped in our time of need.
I could careless if you lied about every detail in your life, I don’t like to be lied to, but as long as they r here helping others and getting help for what ills them there is no problem. But once that person starts to use someone else to help themselves with no regard to if they maybe hurting someone, can not be allowed. No mater what there reason is for doing it. Timmy some actions are unacceptable and can never be forgiven no mater what the reason is.
You where right to delete my post I am not mad about that I stepped across the line. but this is so far beyond anger. This is me after cooling down for some time.
And as for trying to make this place safe for all, lately i have been reading it as “hey come here use the help and support here and abuse it if you want as long as you have a reason, even if you hurt someone else. You will still be welcome" and there are others who feel the same.
Allot has happened in my life since I first posted here. And most of you have no clue. Mainly cuz I no longer really feel safe here. Because you all either jump on one person for his views. Or you accept some thing that is truly wrong and unforgivable as ok we will forget that it even happened.
I am very disappointed in where this message board has gone.
jay
[Updated on: Mon, 26 February 2007 08:45]
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jay wrote:
> Because you all either jump on one person for his views.<
Unfortunately I think Jay has a point here. There have been times when the man rather than his views have been criticised.
However, it is a learning point and we should be able to improve from it.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
I think we all need to make sure we criticise a behaviour, not a person, certainly. People are welcome, but certain behaviours are not.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
You know, the forum has not changed much. It does alter over time, that is for sure, but the overall shifts are small.
Jay wrote:
> I could careless if you lied about every detail in your life, I don’t like to be lied to, but as long as they r here helping others and getting help for what ills them there is no problem. But once that person starts to use someone else to help themselves with no regard to if they maybe hurting someone, can not be allowed. No mater what there reason is for doing it. Timmy some actions are unacceptable and can never be forgiven no mater what the reason is.
I agree that actions are unacceptable. Some actions are unforgivable, I accept that. The enticement of soemone for sex, for example, is something no-one would condone. Stalking of an individual which has happened, is unacceptable. These are actions which would lead to my firm removal of someone from here, and it is not a definitive list. In those cases the individual and the behaviour tend to become the same thing, and the individual goes.
> And as for trying to make this place safe for all, lately i have been reading it as “hey come here use the help and support here and abuse it if you want as long as you have a reason, even if you hurt someone else. You will still be welcome" and there are others who feel the same.
I'm sure you know that I cannto make this virtual place safe. I can provide an environment, but it is up to us all to keeop it as safe as such a board will allow. But I also make a distincton between "hurt" and "harm".
For example, if you start a genuine relationship here and it ends then you may be hurt, but you will not be harmed. But, if you are enticed into a meeting by a predator then you may be harmed.
Neither of those is related to coming in peace with a problem and trying to work through that problem. The challenge can happen if friendships are made along that route, because a part of that problem may be a need to erect a wall of smoke and mirrors to protect one's self which may become a major issue when it is necesary to dismantle the disguise.
Those directly involved can feel very hurt at this point.
However it is not an abuse of the "place" to do this. And it is often easy for people to get swept away in an unstoppable tide of wonderful friendship and to treasure it, despite knowing that they are, themselves, an illusion. It is only an abuse if harm is intended. In this I inlcude coming in deceit to "play" with people's emotions.
[Updated on: Mon, 26 February 2007 09:34]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Aussie
|
 |
Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
|
|
|
Nigel I agree with what you say. All too often it is said that it is only a persons views that are being attacked and not the person. I see a persons views as part of that persons character and to attack the views is also attacking the person.
Timmy I also agree with what you say about forgiving in the recent events. Forgiving is a great way to help diffuse ones anger. I seem to remember giving the very same advice in one of 'Brians'posts and I was howled down on the grounds that it wasn't possible.
Jay I think your most recent post has been done with a lot of maturity, you say
>I don’t like to be lied to, but as long as they r here helping others and getting help for what ills them there is no problem. But once that person starts to use someone else to help themselves with no regard to if they maybe hurting someone, can not be allowed. No mater what there reason is for doing it. Timmy some actions are unacceptable and can never be forgiven no mater what the reason is.
and I totally agree with that. The harm that has now been done to this board is that those most willing to help someone in need are going to be much less likely to freely give that help now.
Jay in the last few months that I have come to know you I realise that honesty is one of your best traits and something you expect unreservedly in others. I respect you for that. Unfortunately the internet lends itself to the opposite occuring and we all have to be on our guard for it.
I just ask you to consider forgiving this person and see if your anger dissipates. There are many others here who have been hurt too. We all need to forgive.
Aussie
[Updated on: Mon, 26 February 2007 09:50] |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
saben
|
 |
On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
|
|
|
I was angry too, Jay. And I still see what happened as not something to be condoned. Initially I was unsure if it was hurt or harm. I've been let in on some of the details off-board and I can say that it is a grey area between the two. More care should have been taken. Selfish decisions were made that hurt others. But it was more selfish carelessness than neglect. There seems, from what I've gathered to have been a definite shift once the wrongdoer realised what he was doing.
To me it was a forgivable scenario (though it was not really my place to forgive, I wasn't directly hurt at all). I had to make my point that the behaviour was not acceptable, but it wasn't ill-intentioned from the details I have gathered. I feel I had a right to be mad, though, and you did even more so. But it is good to forgive, especially in this case.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
Views are most assuredly part of one's character. One may discuss views with a view to seeking to alter them, but one may not attack them. An attack is a behaviour, and thus able to be challenged or forbidden, but a view is a view.
As to the harm done to this place, it is surprisingly resilient, perhaps like a hydra. Even of you lop a head off two more grow in its place. It is an odd "place" and preserves itself.
I do come back to hurt versus harm. I do not think "we" have been harmed at all, but I know some people have been hurt. Many of us are working to help those who have been hurt.
I don't believe we are simply speaking of Brian, who has now left us. We have also had covert predators here in the past.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ProfZodiac
|
 |
Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 115
|
|
|
Unfortunately the internet lends itself to the opposite occuring and we all have to be on our guard for it.
We all become skeptics. It's just a matter of whether you're born a skeptic or learn not to trust people because you've been burned.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Aussie
|
|
Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
|
|
|
I always maintain that skepticicm is fine as long as it is done with an open mind.
Its when one puts their head in the sand that it can be a problem.
Aussie
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
