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Jedediah
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Likes it here |
Location: Made in NZ
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 170
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I've looked at gay porn on the 'net, (hasn't everyone?), but don't bother anymore - the mechanical performances get boring.
We have a 15 year-old boy living with us. He's not ours, but we've "adopted" him since he's divorced his parents. He has got a very attractive, 14yo girlfriend, who is just a sweet kid, and he is emphatically NOT gay - though his natural father is, but that's another story.
Anyway, he's grounded at the moment and has been spending a lot of time on the internet. This morning, i had a look at what he's been looking at, because - well, i'm nosy. Now i wish that i hadn't!
Apparently, teenage boys are the biggest users of internet porn, but this (straight) stuff is totally disgusting! For the first time, i can really understand the revulsion that "normal" people feel when confronted with gay porn.
We're going to have to have a serious discussion about the difference between real women and the sluts who perform on camera. Any suggestions?
E Te Atua tukuna mai ki au te Mauri tauki te tango i nga mea
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No idea, I'm afraid -- I find porn terribly boring, and always have!
David
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But to be honest, my view is that the sooner people get it out of their system, the better. In other words, let them look at it if they want to. Don't place artificial restrictions, as these only encourage people to be more clandestine about it.
Any rational person should be perfectly aware that porn is not "healthy" if used incorrectly. You may not technically be an adult at 15, but you're not a child, either.
If you're going to tell him anything, tell him to be discreet! (Oh, and to be careful that he uses a decent web browser and doesn't pick up viruses and malware; or look at anything that's borderline illegal.)
David
[Updated on: Sat, 31 March 2007 20:56] |
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Well, first..... what gives you the impression that they are sluts?
After all it is a job... and when pressed, sometimes a person just has to do what they have to do in order to survive.
That being said.... I have to say that I resent the implication that gay people are not normal.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Different people handle porn in different ways.
For some, it represents purely fantasy ... things that they would not actually enjoy doing in real life.
For others, it represents something that is "naughty", done by "naughty" people - I think this is rather unhealthy, as it leads to the kind of situation where married men have only missionary-position sex with their "nice" wives and visit prostitutes for "naughty" sex. It can lead to putting real women and potential mates on an unrealistic pedestal.
For others, porn acts to set standards of what techniques and approaches are possible or appropriate - it's normative. Frankly, I see this as also potentially dangerous: most of what is shown in porn seems to me to be rather unrealistic in terms of stamina ...
And, of course, there are undoubtedly a fair number of men who watch porn because they are interested in other guys, but can't admit it to themselves (the fairly little straight porn I've seen shows an unexpectedly-high amount of male flesh ...).
Different people handle porn (and fantasies) very differently: many males are very visually-orientated, but others get more from dirty stories, or whatever. I guess it's important not to assume that this lad is necessarily getting the same kinds of things from porn as you did.
If you have an appropriate older-brother sort of relationship with the lad, I think it's probably worth having a general discussion about differences between porn and reality. Perhaps best couched in terms of discussing what aspects of sex porn deals with very inadequately - for me, that is about the sense of fun and playfulness that (for me) are an essential part of good sex - porn always seems not only mechanical but also usually joyless!
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think just remind him that thsi stuff is heavily directed, very posed, and as related to real sex and love as waterskiing is to snow skiing. Similar implements are used, but the sensations are different
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Jedediah
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Likes it here |
Location: Made in NZ
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 170
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Thanks Guys. Some good thoughts there & we'll use them.
Marc - nobody was implying that gay people are not normal. I said "normal", which implies the common perception; but i'm sure that you knew that.
cheers
E Te Atua tukuna mai ki au te Mauri tauki te tango i nga mea
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Actually no.....
normal, "normal", (normal), {normal}, [normal]
implies that we are somehow not.
But I am sure you knew that!
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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or as some might say... "i'm normal, you're straight"...
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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In 1965 Kenneth Tynan wrote an article in the Sunday Times which defined the sole purpose of pornography as to induce masturbation. After all these years I'd be interested to read it again, but so far I have been unsuccessful in tracking it down. Can anybody help?
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Nigel said,
>In 1965 Kenneth Tynan wrote an article in the Sunday Times which defined the sole purpose of pornography as to induce masturbation.
If a one-person sample can possibly provide useful data, this is correct. I never looked at pornography, or found it interesting, because I couldn't masturbate. I still don't because I never got into the habit in the impressionable early teen years.
David
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Oh my..... you poor thing.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Seriously, the interesting thing is that I do find fully-clothed pictures of male actors and models attractive (often very), provided that there's no sexual content to them, which I find really off-putting.
I don't think that makes me asexual, though, as there's definitely a sexual element to it. It's just further below the surface than in most people.
David
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