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A friend of mine asked me to help him spread his work around. I was wondering if anybody would like to commeent on it. He's a good poet but he's thinking of giving up writing coz he says he's stuck on ideas. Jes thought that any positive feedback would help change his mind.
Unrequited
Why can't you see me?
You cannot fathom how it frustrates me,
To be just a friend to you.
I give you my shoulder to cry on,
I would do anything for you,
But still I am invisible.
You asked me once
why others aren't like me.
Can you hear yourself talk?
My heart aches when I see you throw yourself unto others.
And all the while I stand here,
Unable to tell you how I am feeling.
Because I am a friend,
That's all I am to you.
And that's all I will ever be.
*Scribbles on the screen* There You go....
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It paints a picture for me that I can relate to. For me that makes it a good poem.
With poetry I never look at the writing, just at the picture. If a picture forms that I can identify with, which it does here, then I class it as good.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hay ObsidianEyes,
Hope that you are keeping well.
All I can say is that poetry is a movement of the soul, it is the voice of ones inner child, and the window to ones emotions. The poetry one writes is indicative of ones mood and state of mind.
Think about it, it would be quite hard to write about smiles and song when one is feeling down and out. Just go with the flow, do not hold back. Set the fire free and let it burn its words, bold and strong.
Poetry means so much more when it is from the heart.
Your friend may just need some time away from the rat race that some of us call life. Some down time and some RnR may be good for him.
So that's what I think, and you can tell him that I think his poem is great.
Have a great day
Luvies ME
The Dance.
Lights start to dim and the music starts,
The beating of two lovers hearts.
The rhythm of life its ebb and flow,
The dance the lights the music the show.
Step after step the rise and fall,
No time to stop no time to stall.
One, Two, Three keep the beat,
No time for you to take a seat.
The night is young and you dance, content,
But the night moves fast and you see what they meant.
You lost the rhythm, the pace and the flow,
Time to step aside, the end of your show.
You lost all hope and watched them float by,
Wiping your eyes you wanted to cry.
It seemed to be over the lights dim some more,
Like the crashing of waves on the soft tender shore.
The will to live and the urge to love,
Fleeting your heart a fragile white dove.
You hope it will pass just give it some time,
But broken hearts come a dozen a dime.
Time will pass the pain will subside,
But nothing can replace the flame that had died.
You take a deep breath and wait for the go,
The curtains rise up steady and slow.
With no doubt in my mind that time teaches all,
I sit and I watch and wait for the fall.
But life is more than a two step or Cha Cha,
And even more than a tango or salsa.
Its feeling the beat and making your move,
To follow the steps is only part of the groove.
So only by falling will you learn something new,
That is how the others grew.
By Michael-Kent Dobison
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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