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First the back story....
I'm 26 years old in the closet living in Toronto and I only recently accepted that I'm not like other guys. Took me quite a while to convince myself, And I'm still not sure what "category" I fit in, but I'm putting myself out there. Thing is, I'm not sure where an how to put myself out there to attract the kind of person that I am attracted to. I guess you could say I'm awkward in certain situation (club scene, etc) and the fact is I could use some help. I've spent the last 25 years denying my true self and I dont want to sepend any more time doing so, but I dont know where to begin. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
*Scribbles on the screen* There You go....
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have some sort of advice, but I have never attracted Mr Right. The advice is that, even once you have found the right way and place and style and everything else to present yourself, do not present yourself in any way as promiscuous, unless you choose promiscuity.
There is a temptation to go for anything that moves, precisely because you have denied yourself for all of your life.
Logical suggestions are to find like minded people and share interests. If you intend it to be known that you rather like lissome young men of your own age you can let your friends know, but gently. People make introductions.
"Gaydar", such as it is, works if you lower your own defences a little. It seems to be a reciprocal radar, not a detection kit.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Not like other guys....... Hmmmmmmm interesting.......
How are you not like other guys? I have known ALOT of guys and they are basically all the same......
Ok..... so much for that..... Now lets get to it....
"Being Gay 101" A comprehensive overview of the gay lifestyle.
First, be yourself, don't run out and buy a whole new wardrobe with campy gay sayings on the front..... Don't redecorate your appartment with chince and chrome..... and don't go out screaming your new found freedom and revelation to the world..... the world can be a hard place.... the world can be crewel.....
If you decide to come out to your friends hope for the best reaction but also prepare for the worse..... They just might retort with "Well it took you long enuf to figure it out..... we've known for YEARS" or they might just get up and walk away..... or any scenerio inbetween.......
You live in a city with a HUGE gay tradition and with that comes a gay district..... Coffee shops abound with cute singles of all shapes and sizes..... all of whom are looking and doing exactly the same thing you are doing..... which is.....
TA Daaaaaaaaaa.......
Gatting about the process of realizing you are special.....
Book stores, music shops, cafes, all these places are safe (with a bit of background and research) and are places where you have a good chance of making some like minded friends.....
Look for friendships first..... Romance is seldome a whirlwind..... it is more like a gentle breeze...... You don't realize it is there until you feel the shivver....
At parties (if you are invited) be careful... pour your own drinks from unopened bottles and don't leave them unattended.... Party drugs have a way of slipping into your evening if you are not cautious.....
And always remember..... Shoes are important.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I agree with you about being prepared for reactions from friends. I can say with certainty that I have had no adverse reactions from the few people I have shared my own sexuality with. I have had a few who refuse to believe me, though.
I agree absolutely about friendship first. While a casual fuck may be physically stimulating it is not intellectually stimulating, and the frisson lasts only a few days. Far better to seek a frisson that lasts, well, until changes into that of a potential relationship.
You may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, but remember: You are someone else's prince. He is kissing frogs right now to find you.
Stay absolutely yourself. And be prepared to sob your heart out in another man's arms from the pure relief of fiding a soulmate, even before you find a love mate.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I don't mind at all your saying "I am not like other guys", because I know you mean it as "I really think I ought to be (exclusively) attracted to girls like they all say they are, but I am not."
I agree that you don't need a label. "Gay" is a badge of convenience, but it can be limiting as a label, and you need to take care if you choose to self label. Some of us choose to, others choose not to. I choose to, but it is as a shorthand, it makes it easier to explain things.
How is your thought process doing with the items of advice you have had so far?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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First of all, I love your name ObsidianEyes. Secondly, I understand shyness or awkwardness ... I too was a long time closet dweller. I read all the advice that the posters left for you and, you know what, you have received some excellent advice! The one that most impressed me was that you should go out there and make a friend, not a sexual contact. So many gay men live for the moment and define 'living' by the number of orgasms they share with others. These are the ones who end up lonely, old queens with a house full of cats for company. Forsake intimacy of the body for intimacy of the heart and soul until you find that person worth sharing with.
“This above all-—to thine own self be true.”
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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I have to say That I really appreciate all the advice people have given me. It's nice to know there are still people who can care for others out there. It really warms the heart.
Now all I have to do is find a place where I can find a guy who's interested in a near 30-ish guy who's still stuck in his adolescence Lol;-D ;-D  )
*Scribbles on the screen* There You go....
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Are you kidding? It's your inner youth that is attractive. The outer you is just a shell. 
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Well, that's pretty much anywhere.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I guess I hafta take it one step at a time. Put myself out there and see what's in store for me. I'm jes scared out of my wits though. Havent done the mating dance before and Id prolly screw up the first chance I get hehehe. Still, U never know till u try right?
*Scribbles on the screen* There You go....
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Hay OE,
Just remember that the best compliment that anyone can ever give you is that you are different. Just be yourself;-D
Luvies ME
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Look back at Marc's hints and tips, I think to Deej, over discreet jewelery.
Make sure you know what you will and will not do on a first date, and stick to it. If he's worth knowing he will go at YOUR pace.
Take a trusted friend with you the first time you venture out
Remember that you are allowed romance and courtship
Recognise that not all dates lead to romance
Start kissing frogs
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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When you go out, dont go out looking for sex. Look for companionship and friendship first and formost. Also do not go looking for mr. Right, he doesnt exist. Sometimes the less than perfect one is the most caring and loving. He is the one who is always last to be picked, the last to be ask on a date, the last to be concidered Mr. Right. Concider who you can be comfortable with, who is interested in you and not just your body.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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In other words, without being promiscuous, go frog kissing. But look at the attributes of the frog carefully. Princes hide well, sometimes
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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frog kissing do they not spit?:-/
life is to enjoy.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think you need to choose more promising frogs.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Don't pick a toad! They give you warts!!
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Re: Need some advice...... 
Re: Yeah Well.... 
