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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > rape...
rape...  [message #42192] Tue, 01 May 2007 01:27 Go to next message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



First of all, I entitled this post 'rape...' because I dont know what to do with myself anymore...

I have this horrible, horrible stupid thing i do with cybering... and its irritating! gawd i mean, i only do it till i frickin jack off... its painful knowing that i do it, because i know its wrong... or at least everyone else thinks its wrong... frickin stupid...

and this guy came on tonight... i didnt even frikin know the guy.. and hes like do you remember me? and im like no. and hes like you showed me a pic with you and some gum in your mouth and i said you were hot. and im like... *blushes*

WHAT THE FUCK! that was just fuckin STUPID! ....

and then while i was doing the cleanup tonight, i had this little scene go in my mind...

it was where, there was this boy.. maybe like 14 or something, and he was being raped by his father... *chokes* and he said to his father 'i'm not your frickin BITCH!'

and he tried to run away from his father... but hia father caught him and forced him to have sex wtih him and then chocked him aferward thru the stomach, squeezing his stomach until he collapsed.. and the boy was screaming 'stop it dad... please...' *cries..* but, he didnt...

he just kept squeezing.... and he killed his son...

and that was only in my head..

totally didnt happen... but its like

when i see something like that happen in my head, its like its happening to me... and im crying as i write this... that 'imaginary' boy... he died...

so im a little sad...

anyway... i just needed to write this cause ive had a bad day so far i guess...

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
Re: rape...  [message #42193 is a reply to message #42192] Tue, 01 May 2007 02:15 Go to previous messageGo to next message
aqualino is currently offline  aqualino

Likes it here
Location: tampa bay,USA
Registered: August 2005
Messages: 371




Josh, I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. All I can do from here is send you a big hug and hope you feel better soon. I hope this feeling passes quickly and you have a peaceful sleep.

Hugs, aqua



There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
Re: rape...  [message #42194 is a reply to message #42193] Tue, 01 May 2007 02:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



thanks Aqua. I'm actually feeling better^^ I talked with a friend about it, so now I'm doing alright.^^

I actually think the thing that scared me most was when i saw the boy die. Cause I did see it. And it was real, but then my friend said its only a thought. So I calmed down and now I'm doing alright^_^

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
Re: rape...  [message #42195 is a reply to message #42192] Tue, 01 May 2007 02:21 Go to previous messageGo to next message
CallMePaul is currently offline  CallMePaul

Really getting into it
Location: U.S.A.
Registered: April 2007
Messages: 907



When these things happen, can you go back into your head and change the ending? Could you make a happy ending so that you don't dwell on the negative stuff? I don't know bud, I'm just asking. They say that when life hands you a lemon you can use it to make lemonade.



Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
Re: rape...  [message #42196 is a reply to message #42195] Tue, 01 May 2007 02:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



well i cant really change what happened. lol. i dont know if i still think its real or just a thought.. but either way, what happened happened.

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
Re: rape...  [message #42197 is a reply to message #42196] Tue, 01 May 2007 02:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Roger is currently offline  Roger

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: February 2007
Messages: 522



Josh, we all have things like that happen in our lives. I wish I could tell you there is a way to make it easier, but all you can do is make yourself know that its not real. I will always have a shoulder for you to lean on. Even tho Im not really there it is as real as that thought. Im glad you talked with your friend, Im sure he helped a bunch. Sleep well and have pleasant dreams.



If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
Re: rape...  [message #42198 is a reply to message #42197] Tue, 01 May 2007 02:47 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



it was actually a she. lol. and thanks^^ she did help me^^

*hugs*

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
Re: rape...  [message #42199 is a reply to message #42198] Tue, 01 May 2007 02:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
aqualino is currently offline  aqualino

Likes it here
Location: tampa bay,USA
Registered: August 2005
Messages: 371




I am glad that you are feeling much better. It is great to have a good friend to lean on when rough times happen. She is a good friend to you.

Hugs, aqua



There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
Re: rape...  [message #42200 is a reply to message #42199] Tue, 01 May 2007 03:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



yes she is^^ and im glad she's my friend^^

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
Empathy  [message #42201 is a reply to message #42192] Tue, 01 May 2007 06:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



I think many of us are blessed or cursed with empathy. "All" that it means is that you have huge empathy with those who suffer, whether you can feel this from their side or from the side of someone who abuses them.

It means that you know how to help other people.

You may not yet realise how to help them, but you do it already by posting your innermost thoughts. People read what you say. Not everyone replies, but pretty much everyone registered here reads, and a load who "just lurk" (I have so often said how this board is really by us, for them) read.

And some of them it helps.

The scene you pictured was awful, yes. It was a nightmare. And the statistics also bear out that 1 in 6 US boys are abused sexually before they reach adulthood. But this does not mean that the extreme scene you played out in your head happens often, if at all.

I do have a suggestion for you, which is to restrict cybering to those people you know and whose sexual attentions you feel you would enjoy were you to meet them in real life. Do remember that not everyone in life is as they appear online. Many are, and many are not. Of those who are not there are a proportion who are unpleasant predators.

Please never show people your picture online, the more so if you are hot Smile. We all like to fantasise, and you may be awesme fantasy material, and it may be great to be told how hot you are, but reserve that for real life, face to face people.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Empathy  [message #42202 is a reply to message #42201] Tue, 01 May 2007 13:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



Hey Timster^_^ (its my nickname for you^^ xD)

Thanks for replying.

Even tho what I saw in my head was only a thought, to me, it was real. And when I saw it, I was really scared... And I cried for a while, cause I was sad to see him die. It really hurt me...

The probability of that actually happening I would only guess, is fairly ... I want to say low.. but I'm afraid that it's not as low as I imagine.. =( It's sad... When you see or know that someone has been abused my a family member. And you really want to help the person, naturally... But it's hard...

I've only posted my picture on MSN once, and it was for my sister (not real sister, but a sister to me) who lives on Washington. And that's the only time... Other then that, I havent done it..

Thanks for replying.

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
Re: Empathy  [message #42204 is a reply to message #42202] Tue, 01 May 2007 13:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



What you saw was real enough. It's the product of your being a generous and sensitive person who hates to think of anyone suffering. The real act is mercifully infrequent, though it happens.

You help people by being yourself. As do I, as do others who seem to be able to help others. And you do it by listening when people talk.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Empathy  [message #42205 is a reply to message #42204] Tue, 01 May 2007 13:58 Go to previous message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



Thank you timmy.

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
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