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Hay all hope that you are all keeping well, I know that it has been a while but things have been crazy. But I would not have it any other way... ;-D
Now here's what is up: I had a dream last night, and it is not the first time I have had a dream like this. It was a dream about a friend from high school that I had a crush on. When I woke from the dream I felt more alone and afraid than ever before. The fear of been alone washed over me like a thunderstorm over the Serengeti. The dream was great and if I had my way I would have chosen to never wake from it.
It was not sexual, like the others I have had about the same person but nurturing, caring, protective. All we did was hold each other in PUBLIC. Now this I though was a big thing because I have never been much of a person for public affection, but I did not care and I was ready to defend who I was and who I was with.
Now I have had dreams like this before, where I wake up feeling like someone or something is trying to tell me something. The last time this happened, it was dreams ( 2 Dreams ) about pregnancy, and not long after we found out that one of my friend was pregnant and she had no clue.
I have no idea why I am telling you all this, and feel no justification that I just need to be told that it is ok and it will all be fine. Why you may ask, because I am ALONE and lonely. I have my friends, my family, and all of you but some how I just feel more empty than I have in a long time.
:'-(
Relationships are important to me, the ones we are in the ones that we have had and the ones to come. I have people in my life that I never want to say goodbye to (and yes you guessed it there is a but) but they just do not feel like enough any more. I need, NO, I want more. Someone to be with, to hold to say "I love you" to be able to just lie on the sofa and not have to say anything to just now that we 'are' .
I know that this does not happen over night, and that it takes time, but here it is, I FEAR that it will never happen to me.
The sweet is not as sweet without the bitter, but how much bitter do you need to have before the honey of life finds its way to you?
All I wana do is get into my bed and cry until I can not cry anymore.
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"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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Tempo, The one you are looking for is there and you will find him when you least expect it. I know the feeling of loneliness, we all have that. A relationship is more than sex, it's friendship and caring. Like all gay boys I thought I would never find what I was looking for and needing. Then out of nowhere I found Mark and he turned my world upside down. The one you are looking for is there, you have to be patient and careful. You will know him when you find him.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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So now if you don't mind me asking, how did you and Mark meet?
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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We met in college. He kept following me around, actually stalking me lol. He was too shy to come up and speak to me, so I had to take the bull by the horns. Tempo, we were together for over 35 years. Something I have always stressed in a relationship. Mark and I were total oposits. He was shy to the point of being painful and a serious book worm. I was more outgoing. You dont have to have everything in common to love each other. What you said you wanted should be the most important thing in a relationship. someone to listen, to care, to be there with a shoulder when you need it, all the rest will follow.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think we all hide, some longer than others, behind the "What if I am wrong about him?" syndrome.
How did you gather the courage to speak to him? How did he react? What did you each say?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Perhaps you should talk to this old friend and reach some form of closure? That may allow you to move ahead in finding the real relationship. It might also find you the relationship at opnce.
If he is a true friend he will not hurt you, and will probably accept you as you are
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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like I said, Im the one who was outgoing. When it became obvious that he was following me around and I would catch him snatching looks, I decided I should speak to him. It was at a campus skate rink. I walked over to the table where he was at, sat down, and said "Im Roger and if your going to follow me around you should at least let me know your name". He looked like the cat that swollowed the canary. Turned about 5 shades of red and stammered for about 5 minutes. Somewhere in the stammering he got out that his name was Mark. I was so fortunate. He was one of those young men who turned heads, He was also one of the kindest most considerate man I have ever known.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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I'm feeling much better now, thanks guys.
I really do like talking to you all. You all have such different views and it is refreshing to see how all of you handle things when placed into a situation.
Thanks guys, like I say feeling much better now.
Hope that you all had a great weekend and have an even better week.
Luvies To all
Michael:-*
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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