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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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I watch this site with interest, some time ago i got told off for bringing up the wrong type of topic.
i.e. this site is for helping people who may be young ,old or just need help.
My question is how on earth do you know that these people who post are not pulling your leg.
Some people make out that they are younger than they really are, and some make out that they are older than they really are.
I cant help but feel that some people just want to be smutty.
I do hope i do not get banned for bringing this up.
I do think that kids at school could have a laugh by making out that they are a young kid who wants to know how to perform sex.
your comments please.
This post does come from the heart,and not someone that needs to hide..
life is to enjoy.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Does it matter?
On-board I don't think it matters.
When it goes off-board and friendships+more begin to form it starts to matter more.
When harm is caused because of the deception, then it really matters.
But no harm, no foul, I guess.
So what if people just come for the smutty conversations- if both parties are willing then it can be some good fun (and it is hard for one party not to be when it's online!)
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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A good question, Jack. The simple answer is that one very rarely does know whether people are what they claim - at least, until or unless one meets them in real life (or someone one has met in real life vouches for them).
But, actually, it doesn't really matter that much when thinking about replies to posts. There are plenty of lurkers here, and many more who only post very occasionally. I reckon that, even if a post is not genuine, it is worth giving the best answer one possibly can, in case other people are interested in the same topic. That's why I recently posted the link to the "topology" site, and I was delighted that other people found it useful (even though it is undoubtedly explicit) - I just wish that I'd known some of that vital info. before I first got laid!
And I'm not even sure that it matters if someone just wants to be smutty - though I can't say that I've seen much of that here, apart from the odd joke. Being smutty, or seeing things as smutty, is usually just a step on the way to accepting sexuality (both in general, and a person's particular orientation),and I think that this place can be pretty useful in helping people through any such difficult patches.
Just my own views - "your mileage may vary "
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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actually there is a history here of young people asking these self same questions... was there a time when you wanted to know the mechanics of sex? i know there was for me and i had to go with the back alley crash course in gay sex....
not a pretty picture? use your imagination and bend it to the worse ossible scenerio.
Kids that take it on themselves to ask questions deserve an answer.
We are not here to analyze motives... i certainly am not professionaly qualified to do so..... all i can relate is personal experiences...
When i have something to say... i do... when i have a cause to take to the limit... i do.... just ask anyone here that really knows me...
About kids at school having a good laugh.... well fine for them.... but they can laugh walking away with good honest information.... or they can walk away with gutter quality advice.
Who is the better or the worse for that?
Answer this.... have you ever looked up the dirty words in the encyclopaedia? did you giggle at least inside?
and the truth be known... we all hide here.... unless we actively choose not to.... i often ask.... just who is this "Jack" and wonder.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I wonder, Jack, if the people whom you work with know the real Jack. I mean, do they know the same Jack that your friends know? Do your friends know the same Jack that your family knows? Or, do any of them know the same Jack that your lover or partner knows? What I am trying to say is that even in face to face relationships we chose the level of identity that we feel comfortable with. Some people could take that to extremes on web based forums and invent this whole alter-ego sort of a person. Frankly, for myself, it would seem too difficult to try and maintain the persona: it would require more effort than the potential payback would be worth. But that’s me and I don’t speak for everyone.
I really don’t care if some of the people I respond to are pretending to be another age or another sex for that matter. On some underlying level they obviously have a need to be responded to as this “other” person. And if I enjoy communicating with them, or if I learn something in the process, then all is well and good. I don’t feel duped.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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The simple answer is that we have no idea at all.
If I have a policy it is to take everyone at face value on trust. So, Ben and Will ask, and I am pleased to answer, for example.
I don't mind if they are real or not, nor if (for example) you are real or not. The answers are for all who wish to see them, as are the questions. It doesn't even matter if I am real or not myself. What matters is that people who are unconnected with the questions get answers.
Does that help you see it from my persepctive?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Jack wrote:
>I watch this site with interest, some time ago I got told off for bringing up the wrong type of topic<
I'm surprised that you got told of for bringing up the wrong type of topic here as we are a pretty broad church; unless you hijacked a thread instead of starting a new one.
We are different characters to different people. A close friend remarked that I acted differently when my father was there. I readily agreed. I can only allow my gay self to manifest itself on the internet; ergo in that respect I am more honest here than in real life.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Jack, people wear masks. The person you present to each individual will vary, even in the slightest bit, but each mask will be different. some people here present themselves as something they are not or something that they were. Its the personality that comes thru if someone is posting long enough that really maters.
what Timmy has provided is a place where a young gay person can go and get answers. I have never seen anyone told they were too young and to go away. I wish I had had a place like this to go to when I was a kid to know I was a part of a caring family when my real family sucked big time.
We are all here when we need someone to talk to. We have even been known to call each other and visit. I really hope you can understand what we are all saying. You are welcome here and if you have a problem or just need to talk, were here.
If we help these young ones go out in the world not carrying so much luggage, we have made it better for all of us.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You have hit the head of the nail.
When I was a kid I had no-one to talk to, no-one to ask, no ability to even think of asking anyone. This damaged me to some extent. I came online a lot of years ago and started asking. One person answered in a way I needed, and I went to his messageboard. I dared to post.
I found, at first, I was not welcome.
It was not that there was a clique. Everyone was new back then. It was that I "could not be gay" because I am married to a woman. People were aggressive towards me.
As you have all noticed, I exhibit almost infinite patience however I feel inside, so I persevered, and tamed the idiot few. That board became a haven for me. On many ways it remains a haven for others now, though has a radically different character now from the way it started out. At some point along the way I started this board, and at some point along the way I became unwelcome at my original "home" on his board. None of this was form the board owner, just from the "combatants" there.
I look at my site as one that seeks to help gay kids in pain and the adults those kids become. We also attract other people, some of whom reveal themselves to us and others of whom do not. Some are who they say they are, others are not. I never question people's "true identity" because they need their anonymity.
Look at the mother who needs to understand her gay son. She is welcome here. In the past we have had at least one who "was" a gay boy in order to find out what she needed to know. That's great. It may seem odd, but I welcome it, and I welcome it precisely because questions are asked which help everyone. And those people also answer questions and help everyone.
My only rules are at the head of the board. We can alter them f we need to, but this is not a Wikipedia-like consensus. It can't be, or the consensus could change things radically to be something entirely different. It's a benign autocracy. I listen, absorb, consider, and then decide if I need to act. And I make mistakes.
But, mistakes notwithstanding, I will always provide a place where gay kids and the adults they become can get information, reassurance, advice and other things that they can get online. It's as safe as I can make it. It is also the internet with, we are assured, all sorts of inherent dangers, and paedophiles behind every bush. Mind you, we have no bushes.
So wear a mask here with pleasure. Be who you need to be. If appropriate, tell us later more about yourself and why you wore the mask, or not, at your choice.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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