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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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And right now I need some reassurance. It's not often I post here. And it's very infrequently that I start topics. But I really need to say this.
I'm shit scared.
It's exam time and I'm shit scared. Some of you may remember my post 6 months ago, when I was being threatened with being kicked out of Uni for failing. Well, I attended the Committee hearing and with a note from my councellor I was allowed to re-enroll conditional on part-time enrollment. They allowed me to do 3 subjects (originally it was 2, but I appealed for the 3rd subject so I could continue getting my government payments- a full time job and 2 subjects is more of a workload than 3 subjects).
Anyway. The message was pretty clear, they'd give me a third chance but if I failed a third semester in a row I'd pretty much be walking.
So here I am at the third semester. I took a dual-enrollment Japanese subject (counts as 2 subjects) and Syntax this semester. If I fail 50% or more of my course load then I am gone. Which basically means I have to pass Japanese, but I can fail Syntax (although I don't want to I probably have, I somehow got my dates wrong- I thought the exam was tomorrow, it was last Friday).
So it's riding on Japanese. I sat the exam today, it's worth 45% of my marks. So far for the subject out of the 55% assessed so far my score is 30%. Meaning I need 20/45 in the exam to pass. I can have failed the exam and still pass the subject. Yet I can't help but be paranoid and shit myself. I highly doubt, on a logical level that I failed the exam. But I didn't feel confident either. Usually I ace exams, I can walk out knowing that I have got at least a 75%. I didn't have that feeling today. I was unsure. Maybe that uncertainty puts me in 60-70% territory, it's unfamiliar territory to me. Maybe it's what other students are used to. But to me it's alien and worrying. I can't help but think of all the questions I didn't answer or the ones I guessed at. I answered less than half the test, probably 20% was unanswered and the rest, was educated deduction and some guess work. I'm frazzled and worried.
If I pass, it's no problem, I can keep on going with Uni. Keep on making progress- I did improve this semester compared to last. I am pulling myself out of the ditch I dug myself. Things are good compared to last year. But still shaky.
If I have failed. That's it. I'm gone. I won't know what to do. Ryan said "we'll cross that bridge if we come to it", but I'm as likely to jump off the bridge screaming.
I was late to every test this semster, including the final exam. Every piece of assessment was handed in late. But at least most were handed in. Which is an improvement.
It's just hard to focus on the good now. I almost feel like throwing up.
I'm doing my head in, probably over nothing. I hate passing. I have to admit I like it more than failing. But I want to succeed again, not just pass. Being borderline is far too stressful.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Really sorry to hear that you are so stressed, Saben. I've been in a similar place, and it isn't nice. Don't be afraid to throw up with stress - sometimes it helps!
But now there isn't a lot you can do about it - for better or worse, you did what you could in the exam and it's in the past. Let's hope you've passed, and will get the chance to build on the improvements you've made in the past year. Self-sabotage can be a real difficult one to beat ... I know it rather personally.
If you don't pass ... leave that bridge alone! It really is NOT the end of the world: it just means that you may have to take a different route to success. (I dropped out of Uni once, and failed my way out once ... but in "conventional" terms was nevertheless been reckoned a "success" in my 30s and 40s).
It is, after all, only an exam (albeit an important one) - it really does not reflect on you as a person (as I'm sure Ryan will confirm, as will your friends here).
all the best, and keeping my fingers crossed for you ... when do you hear the results?
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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First rule.... plan ahead. start projects as soon as you get them. if you recieve all assignments with four begining sylabus then start them all right then. it is easier to return to a work in progress than starting from scratch.
Second rule.... if you are a procrastonator it is time to make a life decision... either break the habit of putting things off or consiger an alternitive to university life. the world is full of ditch diggers... they dig because they put off going for that better job.
Third rule.... study, study, study.... nothing takes precident over studying... not homelife, not boyfriends, not work.... nothing... university requires total committment and absolute dedication.... if you think that a life away from studies is possible then refer to rule two...
Fourth rule,,,, study, study, study..... fule 5,6,7,8,9 are the same
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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marc. are you o.k.
life is to enjoy.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I returned to university last january. I studied religiously 10 hours a day, 7 days a week....
I was told that my course load was rediculously heavy....
Womens Studies.... which is mostly an in depth look at women as well as diversity in our society and how to relate to its implications. there were mant gay issues discussed and me being the token gay had to vivisect myself for the class on several occasions in order to make my point understood. the class required a report on the 200+ pages reading a week, 2 cultural analyses and a final manifesto which included an accompaning media presentation.
Geplogy, life history.... rocks, fossils, dead shit..... and you had to know them all by name, class and phylum.... tou also had to learn how ro interpret sock structure and understand how it was formed in reports and active labs.
Humanities... the study of the ascent of man and civilization, prehistory to present. 5- 5000 word reports and 5 written exams all just 1 question in 25 parts.
Last be=ut not least..... maths.... YUK i spent 10 hours per week in the math lab studying there.....
all reports were ontime at the least... most were handed weeks in advance... when it came tome for finals i had 3 full weeks to donothing to study....
I closed out the semister with a 3.58 gpa out of 4.00
if i can do it i know you can do it.
it just takes organization and planning....
now calm down and stop stressing..... if you ever need advice or help..... you know how to find me.... i am exceptionally adept concerning research..... and done be afrade to ask for help.......
Remembet the axium..... the only stupid question is the one left unasked.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I don't find out until about a week into July.
I'm sure I've passed. I just needed a good rant.
Of course, this means I still only passed a single double credit subject and failed my other subject. But it's an improvement.
Baby-steps and all. I set standards to achieve in terms of workload and I mostly did that.
Next semester I set higher standards and the results will come.
I was a little upset at only just having found out that I missed my Syntax exam. I had been stressing about doing it for no good reason.
It's still just hard to accept less than perfect.
I procrastinate because making things perfect is hard work. Once I start a project, I get into it and do well. If it's any indication here's the results for the various assessment pieces in Japanese:
91%, 87%, 0%, 0%, 31.5/50 (Speaking Test- urgh), 79%, 83%, 0%. It's the 0%s that bring my average down. But I get so anxious about tests that I feel like cutting myself/ pulling my hair out/ doing something crazy just as a release from the stress.
I've only started stressing since I've been faced with failure. In High School I was totally stress free. I was lazy, did well in tests and cruised through. Uni is harder, as Marc says. Of course, the degree factories of today are probably somewhat easier than they used to be. I take 4 subjects per semester, the average arts subject has 3 contact hours and 2-5 required readings per week. So really that's maybe 6 hours max of required work hours, times by 4 subjects it's only 24 hours out of a whole week. Plus assignments. It's not much, yet it is. For Japanese especially. As a double credit subject we have 7 hours of class per week. We learn about 30 new kanji characters, over 50 new words and 8 or so grammar structures per fortnight. Self-motivated learning is painful for me- I like being able to show off in a classroom.
I'll make it through Uni, eventually. Then when I do I'll be back in Japan doing what I loved. And then I'll be earning money again and I'll be able to open up my own school. And I'll be able to be a perfectionist, it'll be my way, because it'll be my business, and it'll be good.
I have to be self-employed or a small business owner, I couldn't do anything else, methinks!
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Australian Universities really are a soft touch. Grade 11 and 12 is massive competition here, so once you get to Uni it is all about going to the pub. Or in my case, going online.
The workload isn't much. Yet the knowledge load is quite huge. We're expected to be sponges to whatever information is given to us without really much exposure to it. There are readings and texts, of course, but most are listed as optional!
Japanese had a heavy workload. For Syntax, I had to do 2x2000 word assignments, 1x1000 word one. And the final exam. For the whole semester. Yet I can't manage to do that. The work is easy. Getting started isn't. And when the work IS actually hard, I hide from it.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Saben wrote:
> Australian Universities really are a soft touch. Grade 11 and 12 is massive competition here, so once you get to Uni it is all about going to the pub. Or in my case, going online.
>
> The workload isn't much. Yet the knowledge load is quite huge. We're expected to be sponges to whatever information is given to us without really much exposure to it. There are readings and texts, of course, but most are listed as optional!
>
> Japanese had a heavy workload. For Syntax, I had to do 2x2000 word assignments, 1x1000 word one. And the final exam. For the whole semester. Yet I can't manage to do that. The work is easy. Getting started isn't. And when the work IS actually hard, I hide from it.
And these are the things i had to conquer.
when i was young school was very different..... if you had to research something tou spent days in the library...
Now it is so easy it would take a concerted effort to fail....
if online is in your way.... dont go online so much....
If an assignment causes to hide.... just spit in the eye of the dragon and do it!
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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You really so seldom have anything to offer....
If you cant contribute....
Then why try?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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imo, uni life is all about self motivation. contact hours are few, and most sessions are registered, so it doesn't matter if you turn up or not. the lecturers aren't going to chase after you, and if you fail to hand in work, thats your problem, not theirs. they'll just fail you.
i've finished (hopefully!) a law degree, i think i surprise people by saying that in my third final and hardest year, i had a mere 10 hours of contact a week, split over 4 modules, both lectures and seminars. the rest of law is reading. you do it yourself, you do it in your own time, and you do it when you want to, or not at all. but if you don't do it, you fail, and thats wholly down to you.
Saben, good to hear from you again, and good to hear you and Ryan are still together... i occasionally see him on MSN, but i doubt he'd remember who i am these days... guess its been too long.
keep working yourself onward and upward. i know you have it in you, my friend *hugs*
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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You're spot on. My lecturers have been kind to me. I've been able to get special consideration when I've handed things in late with notes from my councellor. But it's still hard.
In some ways just getting off my arse and doing things is easy, in other ways it's impossible.
I really just want to get through. Yet I can't stop caring about my score. Which is stupid, because my score doesn't matter. The only thing I need is a stupid piece of paper so that I can get a Working Visa in Japan. Yet I screw myself over by being over ambitious. I wish I could just settle for passing. It's all or nothing, though. And half the time doing "all" seems like it's going to be so hard that I'd rather just do nothing.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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marc, i have to stand back and ask myself, are you a nasty person or just thinks too much of himself.
what i will say is what goes round comes round.
life is to enjoy.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Yes as a matter of fact.... I can be as nasty and vitrolic as needs be.
My point was that you rarely ever make a post that is supportive or helpful...
Are you here as an asset or a liability....
I personally have not yet seen the asset part, if I am nistaken please, anyone correct me.
I had more but at i didnt want to get rude.......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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Have you heard of sad syndrome, it can be cured by a light box,
i dont no if they are available in the states, but i do think that it could help you.
10 hours study is too much , reduce it and i feel you will still achieve,
you do need to have a life, i do and go to uni.
regards your helper Jack:-O
life is to enjoy.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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10 hours study is neither too much nor too little if it is the right amount. What matters is doing the correct amount to get a good degree. A university is not all holiday
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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