|
|
|
|
It's 9:03 pm where I am right now. I'm tired at the moment. And I've closed my eyes, so I dont have to see. The colours on my screen are black and blue. They're the background colours. It's easwer for me to see those colours, then to see something thats really bright. I think my eyes are getting old or something, cause when im watching my tv in my room, it starts to get really bright, and im not really used to it. maybe all that time i spent looking at monitors in black and white with the lights turned off, is paying off.
Plase note, that I'm trying to type all of thos out while keeping my eyes shut. It hurts them to be open, so im trying not to have them open. it only usually does tis when im looking at a monitor.
i feel peaceful. it's a nice feeling. all the voices in my head are asleep at the moment, and i like it that way. its nice. umm. if the voices were awake, i could tell you hat they're saying, but they either are awake and trying to talk to me, or im not listening to them by blocking them. either way, is fine by me.
thanks everyone so much for not judging me or anything. i really appreciate it.
much love.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey Josh, I have 5 distinct "voices" in my own head. Each was a different part of me that at one time HAD to exist to protect me from very bad things that were occuring at different times in my life. I've actually even "used" them to my advantage to avert trouble or depression. Aslo, they have become a source of amusement for me at times. Hell, they have a real blast with you. I guess it helps that they all like you, even one or two love you and love your poetry so much. I guess thats more or less normal, even for those who have not in the past suffered some kind of trauma. I used to be afraid of this but after listening to a very good therapist I have learned that each of these "alters does serve a purpose. So anytime yours wanna come out and play, give me a shout. You know how much fun they have together when we let them.
Your friend always,
~aqua~
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
hey Aqua.
Thanks for replying. I appreciate it. I'm trying to write with my eyes closed again, tho htere's really no need for it. I just do it cause I can. lol. Truth be told, I used to meditate at times, ry to like 'see' something, anything. I remember, I'd put a book in front of me, and I'd sit coross-legged and close my eyes. I'd start to see the picture in my head, nad I'd like be pulled into it, by going deeper and like rinning into it. It was a facinating experience. I don't do it anymore tho. Haven't done it in a long time. And even though I have my eyes closed while typing this, I still know where most of the keytes on the ketbpard are. I don't know why I'm doing this with my eyes closed. Maybe, in some part of my mind, i wish I was blind. That's a crazy thought. Why would I want to not be able to see anything beautiful in this world? I have no diea...
Mabe, I just want to experience it for myself, so I can say, yes, i've been blond, I know what its like to go through something like that, cuase I've been there. There's a part of me that just wants to save the world you know? like, i want to find all types of cures for any disease.
I can imaginve myself, working in some run-down clinic somewhere in thw world, trying to find a cuire for something.
IN my class, when I was still going to High School, we'd research sweatshops. Do you know what a sweatshop is? It's a place were people work everyday, and get paid very little money, and the confitions they work in are horrible, as bad as it gets in this world, I think. Anyway, when we were researching it, I felt sad. I flt sad, becaise O knew that there were people in this world we live in, who actually do work at those sweatshops. And it made me very sad inside. I wished there was something, anything, I could do to help them.
It'sjust a dream of mine, to help people. Well, its one of my dreams anyway... What are your dreams Aqua?
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Morning Josh, I will answer your question after I have my morning "large ice coffee with 2 shots of espresso". Then I gotta stop by my Dr.'s office quickly.
I had trouble sleeping again last night. I have the strangest dreams around 4-5 am frequently.
Any way, I'll talk to you soon.
Love ~AquA~
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Kay. Cant wait to hear from you^^
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Alright, maybe it's because of my brother but I've always wanted to work with the mentally handi-capped. Now that I'm on complete disability, I feel like volunteering somewhere. Last year when I was at the beach there was a group of autistic and retarded teens eating at an ice cream shop. There was about 3 or 4 councilors with them and I saw how some of the kids were holding tightly onto their hands. The kids faces were all lit up with pure enjoyment and love. I talked to one of the councilors and she told me that there weren't enough volunteers to go around. These kids are mostly stuck inside their homes or the institutions they live in and rarely get out to do normal things. Damn, I cried so hard that night when I went to bed. I think I was meant to do something like that with my life now that I don't have to work anymore. Also there is talk of a half-way home opening up for thrown-away gay teens. I feel like I could really help out there.
So those are my dreams for making this world a better place to live in for those less fortunate than myself. I don't think of it as being "noble", only as it being "the right thing to do".
As for sweat shops, I know we don't "really" have them here but I worked in a plastics factory on 12 hour shifts when I was only 15. The pay sucked and the place was so hot that you would sweat even when it was snowing outside. You could not leave your machine for breaktime until a reliever showed up, even to pee. We always called it a "slaveshop". At least I had all the plastic cups and plates I wanted at home.
At night, when I'm using my computer, I have a desk lamp that I point high on the wall above the screen. Without this baclighting, I get fierce headaches. Maybe I should buy a blue bulb for it to help soften the lighting in the room ?
I hope this helped answer your question Josh. If you want to know more or you need me to elaborate, just ask. I love talking about things like this, especially to people who I care about and seem to care about me.
Anyone ????????? feel free.
As always, your friend,
~AquA~
Aqualino-----string of pearls
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Working with autistic children can be very rewarding. My partners youngest nephew is autistic and we both worked with him and even now I still stay in his life. The most fun I have had in years was taking him to disney world. Altho he is shy of strangers, with us he is very affectionate. Displayes of affection are very hard for autistic children as the autism is a social condition. He is exceptionally smart as are most autistic children. He always lets me know he made the honor list again. Go ahead and volunteer. Whats it going to cost you but a little time and caring. I can tell you the rewards are boundless.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Roger, you said:
>He is exceptionally smart as are most autistic children.
Are you referring only to a particular brand of autism (e.g. Asperger's syndrome)? As I understand it autism is an umbrella term that covers a wide spectrum and intelligence (like most things) can vary considerably across it. Asperger's, however, is very much at the 'higher functioning' end, and there are plenty of bright people who have been (or could be) diagnosed with it. However, not all autistic people can be said to have Asperger's, nor are they necessarily exceptionally clever.
A minor point that doesn't detract at all from the rest of your post, but, as you know, I'm a stickler for detail!
David
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
 |
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
True enough...
But the many perfectly normal people are dumb as a fence post too...
Its all a matter pf prespective...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Deej, you are right about the differences between autism and Asperger's. My younger brother that died at 15 was diagnosed as mildly retarded/autistic. Although he was happy and playful, he was only clever when it came to climbing trees. My best friend in grade 8 had a cousin with Asperger's that played piano and tennis very well. He was also an A student. And like Marc pointed out, I know some perfectly normal people that are dumb as posts ( me some times as well ).
Aqua
[Updated on: Fri, 22 June 2007 23:38]
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Deeej, I can only go by what Austins's doctors say and his therapist. Autisim is juvinile Schizophrenia. Yes there are degrees of severity. some are so severe that they are unable to relate with others or act outside their own world. However, this does not mean they are dumb, they just cant or wont express themselves. What I said was that MOST autistic children are highly intelligent. Austin does not have Asperger's he is mildly Autistic. Altho there is not a huge difference, there is a difference.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Roger,
I can't say I'm any sort of expert on psychology or psychiatry, so I'll offer a disclaimer: I'm not. But when I know I'm not I say I'm not. That's why I'm a bit irritated when you put forward a sentence like the following one, which appears to be a statement of fact:
>Autisim is juvinile Schizophrenia.
Did Austin's therapist really say this? Or could you be wrong? Have you looked up the definitions of schizophrenia and autism lately? Again, the caveat that this is from Wikipedia and not a substitute for a proper medical textbook, but it's the best I have to hand at the moment. Austism is difficult to diagnose because there are so many possible traits, but I would suggest you read the Wikipedia article about it. I draw your attention to the following lines:
>Autism was actually confused with schizophrenia during the early stages of observation.[14] Bleuler used the term to describe the schizophrenics' seeming difficulty in connecting with other people.[15]
>However, the classification of autism as a separate disorder or disease did not occur until 1943 when psychiatrist Dr. Leo Kanner of the Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore reported on 11 child patients with striking behavioral similarities and introduced the label "early infantile autism."[16]
http://wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism
As for schizophrenia:
>Schizophrenia (from the Greek word σχιζοφρένεια, or schizophreneia, meaning "split mind") is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental illness characterized by impairments in the perception or expression of reality, most commonly manifesting as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions or disorganized speech and thinking in the context of significant social or occupational dysfunction.
http://wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia
To state that they are the same is highly contentious. Autism is not only found in children and therefore it can't be 'juvenile schizophrenia' (does everyone with autism or Asperger's grow up to become schizophrenic? not according to anything I have ever read). This is not to say that an autistic person cannot develop schizophrenia. It may be in your partner's nephew's case there are elements of both, but this does not mean that all autistic people are the same as him. It would be pretty naive of you to make that assumption.
As a matter of fact, I may have mild Asperger's syndrome myself (this is not a self-diagnosis but a professional, medical one, and one I usually reject as irrelevant), and Asperger's is classified as a type of autism. Using myself as a sample of one (with all the problems that entails), I have never experienced anything that I could classify as "auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions or disorganized speech and thinking in the context of significant social or occupational dysfunction". As far as I can tell, I think mostly the same way as everyone else, except that I occasionally fail to pick up on cues in other people that most people would find more obvious.
>However, this does not mean they are dumb, they just cant or wont express themselves.
I did not say anyone was 'dumb'. This is a non-medical and pejorative term. I said that there are people at all ends of the spectrum.
>What I said was that MOST autistic children are highly intelligent.
How do you measure intelligence? What basis do you have (beyond your sample of one) for saying that autistic people are 'highly intelligent'? Intelligence is measured in more than mathematical or non-verbal ability (or IQ, or whatever). By most people's reckoning, an ability to relate socially to other people and to express yourself well are a very important part of intelligence. But, really, I can't counter you unless you explain what you mean by 'highly intelligent'. I have not seen anything to suggest that autistic people are necessarily more intelligent (let's say in terms of IQ, even though IQ is very restrictive in what it measures) than the average. Some are, some aren't. Even assuming that most autistic people are, by whatever criteria you are using, of average intelligence, this cannot mean that most are highly intelligent, unless by 'highly intelligent' you mean 'of average intelligence', which is not what most people would mean by the term.
David
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
My experiences of the autistic spectrum is limited to my wife's time as a one on one helper of a child in mainstream education, and from her recounting the talk given to an audience by an adult sufferer in order to help them understand.
That set of information tells me:- Idiots savants (Dustin Hoffman portrayed one such in Rainman) are the exception, not the rule
- Those with the condition have the full range of measurable intelligence, but may excel at specific tasks
- Often the condition is present with a compulsion to follow predetermined "rules" or processes, without which the sufferer's peace and quiet is disordered. Thas or may not present itself similarly to OCD, but is not synonymous with it
- The sufferer is often acutely awate of external stimuli to the extent that a mild sound to someone else may be intensely irritating to them and precipitate "difficult" behaviours
- The sufferer is often incapable of identifying the meaning behind body language or facial expressions of others and needs to have a roadmap to allow them to comprehend
There is far more than this. And, to an extent, we are all on the spectrum, which ranges from "Societal normal" to "Wholly autistic"
Autism means, literally "Self - ish", and the sufferer is isolated inside their own needs and wants and desires, sometimes to the total exclusion of anything and anyone else.
This is all gleaned from the source I mentioned and is not intended as a medical definition.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
David, there are so many variations with autisim. I got the juvinile schizophrenia from one of the books at the clinic under autism. This book could have been out of date. Like you I am no expert on autism nor am I a phyciatrist. The clinic where he goes does nothing but this. Any time I have been there there have been a lot of kids there. The children like Austin who have been mainstreamed in school have consistantly been on the honor role and excell. However, there are drawbacks Austin has been known to fight a teacher. He gets frustrated and then his temper takes over.
My point from the beginning was that it doesnt hurt to volunteer to help with these children. Its great to see him improve as he gets older. Im hoping he will go to college. I guess I could go to the university lubrary and spend all day with reference books, but I wont. If you have Aspergers, then you have done well and overcome the problems it creates. You know Im always proud of you.
I know that Austin is an adorable boy and loves anything electronic. He can already outdo me on the computer, but then most people do.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Roger,
I was not trying to distract from the main point of your post. I suppose I rose to your tendency to state information that may or may not be true as fact, without qualifying it thoroughly. For all I know there may be a link between autism and schizophrenia in many people, but to suggest that one is simply a juvenile form of the other is surely a misleading distortion of the truth. Anyway, I apologise for the belligerent tone.
>The children like Austin who have been mainstreamed in school have consistantly been on the honor role and excell.
Well, yes -- but what of those who were not mainstreamed? Presumably there is a reason that not all autistic children can be. Intelligence is not just about being able to fill in an IQ test in a certain way; it is just as much about being able to carry out good work in a structured environment in a methodical and thorough fashion (even without bringing in factors such as 'communicating ideas to other people', which, except in a few very specialised fields, also play a very great part in perceived intelligence).
I of course wish Austin all the best and hope that he can overcome any potential problems and make a great success of school, college and a career.
Best wishes,
David
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
