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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Problem....
You are 16-17 and have a friend that gets caught up in a preditory situation of a sexual nature....
You witness a confontation where the older man bitch slaps the youth...
Would you go as far as physical violence to protect your friend?
How far would you go?
Please be honest...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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it so depends on the level of friendship. If he is "just a friend" I would probably talk to him about it before acting. But, if he was the object of my affection, I would probably die for him to protect him
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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it is an act... cold and simple... the man strikes the boy and there is no time to talk...
act or let him to his fate is how i see it
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Then my answer stands. In that situation I would only interfere if I loved him or lusted after him. And I would go in with all guns blazing and die in defending him if necessary
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I've been thinking hard about this. You see I never had any lovers, but I did love. Or, rather, I knew love for one boy, and "high grade lust" or infatuation with two others.
Those I would all have fought for.
But the fight feels at least half out of jealousy. How could the slapper have them we I could not? I think I would have been in a rage.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I was rather strong and mature for a 16-17 yo. However, I'm sure I still felt submissive to adults - especially if they were physically imposing. I would have to totally 'loose' control in order to react physically back to that abuser. Like Timmy implies, if I loved the youth being abused, that might be sufficient to set me off. At the very least I would probably have started screaming for help thinking I could frighten the aggressor off. And in failing that I might look for a big stick to help me gain some advantage.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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At 16 I would have got involved - using force or physical violence if it proved necessary. My pacifism was limited to military force.
Shortly before I was 17, I was taking my usual turn on the door of a local youth club, selling tickets. The entranceway was at the top of a flight of spiral stairs. There was a scuffle, and I ended up fighting a guy rather larger than myself. He ended up going over the bannisters ... onto a flagstone floor some 15 feet below. It was touch-and-go whether he lived ... he was in hospital for three weeks with concussion / fractured skull etc. That was the event that finally made me abjure physical violence.
So at age 17 (and at all subsequent ages) I'd interfere verbally, and if necessary try to put myself between the aggressor and the kid. But I would not fight, nor fight back if attacked.
One thing about having been thumped about a fair bit by my father is that - from a very early age - I have never felt the risk of physical pain or damage (nor being scared to the point of wetting myself) was any reason to avoid doing what I had to.
I do know that my experiences on this are probably not typical!
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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I think it depends largely on my perception of the young man's wishes. Assuming that he was a good, trusted friend, was plainly resisting and in need of help then I would intervene on his behalf, even if it meant putting myself in danger.
If he regarded the relationship as something with which he genuinely did not want external help -- and was at liberty to withdraw if he wished -- then I would be less likely to intervene physically, even if I might be considerably anxious for his safety.
I don't think my reaction would be tempered by lust (not sure about love -- I've never been in love). I think it is more about empathy: whether I can put myself in the position of the injured party. I am more able to do this with trusted friends than with people I don't know so well.
David
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Marc, plain and simple, whether I was involved with the other teen or not, I would pound the older guy into the pavement. I am not a violent person by any means but I could not stand innocently by and watch some thing like that happen without doing something.
Aqua
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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At that age yes, unequivocally, I wasn’t really aware that there were some people that like that kind of thing at that age, and I know none of my “friends” would have been into getting slapped
I would have acted physically, with enough force to put then on the ground if not out if I could, at least I would do hopefully enough so we could both run like hell….. ; P
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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I think I would intervene by positioning myself between my friend and the older man in an attempt to protect my friend, more than trying to fight the older man.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I'm very scrawny, always have been. My friend would be more physically capable than me to deal with the guy :S More than likely I'd do nothing. If my friend wanted to get out of the situation, I'd happily help him gather all the help and legal advice to put the predator out of business. But I'd not get my head bashed in for no good reason.
But I was 16-17 in 2000-2002. Laws existed to protect gays. Society, in general, was against gay bashing. Even though people may not fully support things like gay marriage, most people are against gay bashing.
If it came to it, and I got mad enough and my friend obviously needed AND wanted help, I'd do what I could. More than likely it'd be futile. But sometimes all a bully needs is someone willing to stand up to them.
So basically- I wouldn't intervene over a single slap. I'd watch carefully and make sure it didn't escalate. I'd be ready to get involved if it got worse. I wouldn't let my friend go home with the guy. I'd use words, then fists. And I'd expect a beating.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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success matters not a single iota.... it is in the effort that matters.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Yet I pick my battles based on the chance of success. And a sense of moral obligation, when no other alternative is available.
I wouldn't let my friend get badly hurt without trying to do something, though. But it would be a last resort- and I would be expecting to have my arse kicked.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Personally I would probably kick the man's ass even if i didn't know my friend that well enough. But the truth is that would cause problems with the friendship if you weren't that close to begin with. Like a "who the hell do you think you are getting into my affairs" type of thing. Probably voice my concern if Im not that close but I would do something.
*Scribbles on the screen* There You go....
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