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I received these in Hebrew in an email. I thought that they were so ridiculously hilarious that I took the time to translate them for you. There is a malicious rumour going around that Israelis are clever: this should prove the rumour false once and for all.
J F R
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We haven't touched these. Absolutely true quotations from conversations between Internet surfers and technical support.
Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
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Support: Please click on the icon "my computer" on the left of the screen.
Customer: My left or your left?
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Support: Hello. How can I help you?
Customer: Hi. I can't print out.
Support: OK. Please press START.
Customer: Listen ducky, don't start getting all technical with me, I'm not Bill Gates!
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Customer: Hello. The red colour won't print.
Support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Ahhh! Thank you.
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Support: What do you have on the monitor right now?
Customer: A teddy bear that my friend bought me in the supermarket.
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Support: Please press F8.
Customer: Doesn't work.
Support: Come on, let's try it again. What did you do?
Customer: I pressed F eight times as you asked me to, but nothing has happened.
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Support: Are you sure that you are using the correct password?
Customer: Yes, certain. I saw one of the guys here use it and he got in.
Support: Could you tell it to me so that I can try to connect?
Customer: Yes. It's five stars.
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Support: What antivirus do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Support: That's not an antivirus programme...
Customer: Sorry. I meant to say Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a problem with my computer. My friend installed a screensaver here but every time I move the mouse the screensaver disappears.
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Support: Hello, this is support. How can I help you?
Customer: Good evening. I have been waiting for you for more than four hours! Could you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Support: Er, sorry, but I don't understand. What is the problem?
Customer: I was working with Word and I pressed the Help button more than four hours ago. I have called to ask how long it will be before someone contacts me at long last.
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Support: How can I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Support: OK, what's the problem?
Customer: In the address I have to put the letter 'a'. I know how to write that, but how do I get the circle to go round it?
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The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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"Good morning. Symantic Corporation's Norton helpline, how may I be of service?"
"Help! I just loaded a Norton update and my whole system has crashed. What should I do?"
"Sorry, we don't know you ... click."
*****************
Hmmm ... does this sound familiar to anyone on this forum? ::-)
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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brat!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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