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I guess its okay to share [message #43903]

Thu, 12 July 2007 18:18

Senne

Likes it here

Location: USA
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 301

My best friend Sam,
he was the first person i told I was gay, he totally accepted me
we hung out and played poker, we did everything, I helped him with his homework alot giving him answers and stuff. he became my support system when my grandmother suddenly had a massive heart attack on March 4th of this year, and he offered to go with me to the funeral he laid flowers at her grave, I knew at the time that I loved him, as a brother and more. I guess I tried to be with him too much and he got uncomfortable {hey i had no other friends at that point} after all he was my first TRUE best friend and i didnt want to share him with anyone

on a rather depressing night when i tried suicide he wrote me these words
which i share with you all now.
{ignore his spelling mistakes}
"jordan you can not do this you are worth so much more
think about me man imagine how man other people you will
hurt not just your self. your a great man and frind towards me i need you
i know you will always be there for me when ever i need anything not just answers
when i ned help in life your there for me. i need you man . things at home are hard for you
i know but u got to fight through those things. and i know you will because that's
who you are you never give up please man do it for me. you put your trust in me and
i have mine in u. i dont know what ill do with out u . you've made the biggest impact onme out of all me friends. please jordan continue to fight".

what he told me brought me to tears, when i feel exceptionally weak I read what he tells me and i persevere.

Turns out though that Sam will not be returning to my high school. he is moving and changing schools, bastard broke my heart. I dont want to lose him and still dont.

But I guess we cant always get what we want eh?

[Updated on: Thu, 12 July 2007 18:31]

Re: I guess its okay to share [message #43904 is a reply to message #43903]

Thu, 12 July 2007 18:35

marc

Needs to get a life!

Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729

There is no solution in trying to do yourself an injury.

We are here most all the time and can talk if you want to.

Nothing is worth that drastic final step.... believ me when i say that i know what you are going through....

But nothing is worth taking your own life... Nothing...

At least thats what i keep getting told... and they are right...

you can IM me anytime if you need to talk....

Just s you know.... I'm Marc, 55 years old and been here since the first day. No one is going to hit on you and we are all here to be friends...

It is good to let us know about you.... just dont give personal information like address or that kind of thing... and always remember you only have to say what you feel is right for you...

We do sometimes ask hard questions and sometimes the answers can be painful... just remember that its all in trying to get through the rough spots.

Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...

Re: I guess its okay to share [message #43907 is a reply to message #43903]

Thu, 12 July 2007 21:34

timmy

Has no life at all

Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801

Moving home sucks. I don't suppose he is too happy at being parted from you either. At least you know he is your friend, though that seems like small consolation

Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School

Re: I guess its okay to share [message #43923 is a reply to message #43903]

Fri, 13 July 2007 08:26

saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537

My first love moved away without notice. He was my first and only real support when I first came out. He stopped me from doing anything silly.

Things change and life really does go on. I missed Matt so much. Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if he stayed in it. But I have been with my current bf, Ryan, for 2 years now. I wouldn't change that for anything.

You might be kinda lonely now. You will miss your best friend. But maybe he'll stay a part of your life, maybe he won't. Regardless, you'll be fine. It's desperately hard now. I know what emptiness feels like. I know what fullness feels like, too.

Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway

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