|
|
|
|
It’s funny; I am not one that often shares what I am feeling below the surface of the fake façade that the world see’s. I always seem to feel better after I write it all down, so I am hopping this time will be no different.
I did it again. Slowly but surely I pushed everyone close to me away. All the people that I trust/trusted are no longer with my little bubble of being. All due to one who violated my trust, but what’s new! It always happens to me. As I lay here and type this I don’t want anyone to be near me, but at the same time I want them all here, because they make me feel safe. That is ironic because I am safer by myself, because no one can betray me, but I don’t feel safe when I am alone. In fact I am scared to death when I alone.
I have not been able to sleep of late; if I do sleep it’s only for about 30 to 45 minutes. And I know why but I don’t want to think about it, because to think about it brings back the pain of it. My mistake, my choice, my failure the one thing that I can never make right no matter how hard I try.
It’s funny how when you are feeling down how your mind drifts to ending it all. What scares me the most is not that I think of ending it, but instead the reason that I have for going on. To be honest I don’t care if people would miss me. For the reason that they all would forget about me soon after my death due to that people move on it’s a fact of life. But the only reason that I can think of, is my one credit card that I use to build my credit. I owe only just a few hundred that my next pay check will pay off. No its the fact that I hate owing people money is keeping me from doing it. Sad but true I know!
Jay
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hi Jay, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. E-mail me or something. I will listen.
Love and hugs,
aqua
[Updated on: Fri, 24 August 2007 15:28]
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Benji
|
 |
Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
|
|
|
There seems to be a lot of despondency in the threads here, I can relate, I have been a careprovider for better than 10 years for my best friend and wife. At my lowest points I will seek out and talk to someone I trust. Just talking about always makes me feel better, I know I will pull myself out of my funk even if I have to kick myself in the ass (done that, it can hurt). Always the next day or so looks better and soon I'm back to my old self, but I will always value those conversations with the wisdom they played out. Everyone take care!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jay, when you begin to feel like this I believe you should seriously go out and spend a few hundred with that credit card. If paying that thing off is the only thing tying you to this world, then I hope you never get it paid off.
But as someone who has had a suicide in the family, I can tell you that you are completely wrong about others forgetting about you soon after your death. Your friends and family will always carry a sense of guilt, wondering what they could have done differently to prevent that tragedy. So, if their feelings mean nothing to you, then I guess you can do it with a clear conscience.
Things don't stay dark forever. You will eventually bounce back and life will be good again. I know you have the courage and the fortitude to hang on until they do.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, I have not respond back before this, but I felt like being alone.
I am not going to kill my self thats just what was going throw my head at the time.just a thought at the moment.
I am feeling betterr tho
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cool. I hope things get brighter and brighter real soon.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
Re: i feel like talking to myself.... 
