saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Please don't anyone else post, this isn't for an argument. I would send this by email, but I do prefer it to be an open letter, in case any others have the same problems.
I am dating a 16 year old (above the age of consent now), I am 22. That's a 6 year age gap and we've been dating for 2 years- you do the maths. We respected the law- after all there is nothing against kissing or dating anyone of ANY age. And we didn't want to risk defying the law.
His parents found out about us. It was really hard for a couple of months. The power disparity was never attractive to me. And in fact it has made it harder. We have to live in a relationship where Ryan still can't make all his own choices. He is limited in his experience compared to me and still doesn't know what he wants to do in his life. It makes it really hard, for me because I'm an adult with a lot more freedom; and for him because he wants to be able to move out with me, but needs to finish school first.
We met in a teenchat room, because honestly, I was (and still am to a lesser degree) physically attracted and interested in mid-teens. And a lot of gay teens, despite what people claim, are physically attracted to men. Not old men, by any means, but not all gay teens are interested in their contempories. I limited my chat room encounters to pic and webcam exchange, which really is a totally safe environment where there is no way for it to be non-consentual. I had plenty of people who weren't interested in someone my age, or my build- but some were.
Then I met Ryan. And we talked and liked each other. And after only a few hours of talking he wanted to call me. We had a natural chemistry, even online. It was a while before we had a chance to meet face-to-face and Ryan was aware, and careful, and limited any potential problems. And I made sure that I let him be in control. I didn't like him because I wanted to be in control. I did like the way he respected my intelligence, I did like the way he relied on my experience. And he liked the way I took care of him. We had different needs and in a different aged partner we found those needs easily met.
We both wanted to be with each other, as lovers, boyfriends, whatever you call it. Some teenagers wouldn't have wanted a relationship like that, and some older people might have been far more controlling about it. But we worked.
My message Jinjay is that it can definitely work. But please do be careful. If I was a horrible person it could have gone quite differently. Be smart, get your new friend to talk about themselves a lot. And make sure you are in control. If he really loves you he'll respect the age gap and let you call the shots on anything reasonable.
Also, don't do anything sexual. It's not worth it. Kiss, hug, hold hands, go the movies. But you're in Utah. If anyone finds out he'll have gotten himself in all kinds of trouble.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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