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Wish there was a way to put them out of my misery.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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There are many ways. Some depend on how you handle yourself.
Stephen Fry says he used to say "Don't hit me, I'll only get an erection" and that it rather put them off.
If you manage to land a decent blow, while you may get smashed, no-one can stop the bully from being in pain.
Oddly, agreeing with the bully and laughing at yourself can defuse a bad situation.
A decent school ought to have a formal anti-bullying policy that works.
Avoiding where they lurk is useful
Finding a friend who acts as a bully-shield is good. Girls can be very useful at this; no bully wants to be ridiculed by a girl.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I usually avoid where they are, but today they got me in the hall coming from the gym. I try and fight back but they are really big and Im way small, plus there is 3 of them.
If you report them it just makes things worse, then they go looking for you.
Anyway I go home sporting a black eye and get to listen to my mom freak out.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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why do they do it?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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They do it because they can. They pick on all the boys weaker than they are. I guess it makes them feel superior or something.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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Knowing a bit about the psychology of a bully and what makes him tick can help you to better defuse some situations. Here is a pretty good article on it.
http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/bullies/article4.html
There are others as well you can find by simply googling "how to handle a bully." Not all the answers or situations may be germane to you, but your solution might lie in one of them. You describe yourself as being a "nerd", so you should be aware that knowledge is power. It's time to empower yourself.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Wear a pair of hard shoes (leather, not trainers) and scrape your foot down their shin. Alternatively stamp very hard on the bridge of their foot. You risk breaking a bone, but you plead self-defence (especially while you've still got the black eye) and your reputation will go round the school like wildfire and I don't think you'll have much more trouble.
Hug
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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If you have a cobbler insert metal "segs" into the heel in order to keep them hard wearing, this does add to stampability. I'd forgotten about that. I used it to great effect once in precisely that way
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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That article is good. It falls down a few pages later in http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/bullies/article6.html where it seems to describe bullying as physical. Bullying is also emotional and intellectual, which can hurt more than blows and bruises.
I was bullied. I was bullied with my consent - it got me attention, any attention, and I needed attention. I grew, for a short period, into a bully. One of the kids I picked on beat me shitless and I finally realised what I was doing. I never apologised to him. Perhaps I ought to have, but it somehow was not required after that. My bullying was intellectual. He returned the favour more solidly.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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The next time they corner me Ill try one of these. Thanks
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The most productive is to simply stop it from being a sport. They feed off your reaction. All they know how to do is eat and hit. That makes them rather like the lobster, only I doubt they taste as good.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Since I'm not sure how severe the bullying is, or if it is in the context of "bashing". But anytime it takes three guys to give a smaller guy a black eye, it becomes serious enough to warrant intervention. I know that snitching is probably still held with some contempt by fellow students, I am equally sure that bullying is also held in contempt by your fellow classmates. I'm pretty sure you are not the only one they pick on, you probably know of others. The advice given by others in this topic is sound, but I would advise that you may want to document what's happening to you, and others if neccessary. Don't let it get to a point that you will wind up getting hurt. Please advise your parents, counselor, or police. Assault is a crime!
Benji
[Updated on: Tue, 18 September 2007 16:04] |
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The problem with the excellent advice you have given here is that it is emotionally so hard to do. We're schooled from an early age "not to tell" and this empowers the bullies.
This thought may help. She Who Must Be Obeyed teaches 5 and 6 year olds. She teaches them thus when they come to her to "tell"
"Have you asked them not to do it?"
"No"
"Go and say to them 'I don't like it, please stop', and, if they don't stop, come and tell me. That isn't telling tales, it's asking for help"
It seems to work, at least in that age group
[Updated on: Tue, 18 September 2007 16:36]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Yeah I know, unfortunately in some instances it goes too far, the end results come from either side. As recent current events tell us emotions can play out.
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I hate bullies too. But something's driving the bullying that you might not see. maybe he's being beaten at home, and the only way he can feel better about it is to prey on other dudes. Like a weird food chain. Maybe he's worried about his own manhood, like maybe he's worried about looking a little too long at some dude in the locker room and needs to assure himself that he's still manly, and straight, and alpha.
Curt, you know what HS is like man. There's all this pressure to conform, and be one of the crowd, and the slightest difference is cause for ridicule. Wrong? Yeah. But it's not gonna change.
I don't think returning violence for violence is gonna accomplish anything but to escalate the level of violence, and make you a target outside of school.
My opinion is this; most bullies are posing for their friends,a nd I think you should look for a way to get this guy alone, or find out where he lives and see him alone. Ask him point-blank "I can't figure out what I did to make you hate me so much you want to hurt me." See what he says and go from there. Don't whine, just ask him like man-to-man. If he comes up with off-the-wall opinions about why he hates you, keep asking him "Why?"
When I was 10 i got into a fist fight with a guy who was calling my best friend Daniel a "kike" and wouldn't let "the kike and the kike-lover" play ball. Nobody won because they pulled us appart after a bloody nose and black eyes were exchanged, but there's been bad blood between this guy and me now for seven years. I don't recommend violence. Besides, in my school, both guys in the fight get suspended or worse, no questions asked. Don't risk that dude.
But you have to get to him alone, when he's not posing and strutting for his friends.
Luv
Jonny
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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If the "Bully" is being beat at home then it is all the better reason for reporting the tactics. I like your idea of confronting with the Bully alone though, I wonder if anyone has had success with this though!
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Are you sure you're only seventeen? I would expect such wisdom from one of us old farts. Good on you Jonny - you have described one method of 'disarming' a bully. Such a confrontation would force the bully to relate to his actions on an intellectual level and deal with them. He will be forced to look at this aspect of his behavior whenever he confronts his victim again, and that may make him uncomfortable enough to back off.
However this one-on-one confrontation could be dangerous if the bully is substantially larger than the victim or is known for physically assaulting others. I would indeed confront the bully when he is alone, but take along a friend to 'hover' in the background, out of hearing distance but close enough that the bully knows there is backup or at least a witness. There is no use stepping from the frying pan into the fire, so to speak.
This method is mentioned in one of the articles I found while googling 'bullying'. This is why it is so important to arm yourself with all the knowledge you can.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Re: I really hate bullies 
