|
|
|
|
i'm 20 years old... has been coming here for years (like 4 i think). in fact, after a few years, i reread Chris and Nigel to remind how awesome love can be.
i'm in a little dilemma here. Because of my instability, i have moved around a lot. looking back on it, it has done more harm than good. feels like i have no place i can call home. my last change was a bit too radical, while with no regrets, i should have thought about it a little more. one day, when i felt everything was lost (guy related thing), i picked up my clothes, got in my car, and drove alone across the country for three days back to the place i lived a great part of my childhood. everybody thought i was crazy, doing such a thing, driving alone and nobody close to me knew about it. my mother went crazy when she found out, but that's a different post 
anyways, here is the thing. it sucks to realize how great something is till is gone. both him and i realized it without even knowing it. now i'm more than 2,000 miles (3218 km for those from abroad ) and there is little i can do.
i wish i could go back to when i was young and nothing matter other than playing with friends and trying not to get punished by my parents. at 20... i'm just working and have no idea where i'm going or what i want. i have nothing to look forward to, exccept maybe, hope that one day things will get better.
i don't even know what i wanted to say, i just started typing. this is more of a i-want-to-write-down-my-feelings-and-hopefully-someone-reads type of post.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
I guess it's not exactly real, but you have a place here you can think of as home.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
thank you timmy.
i know it might not be real, but somehow i always end up coming here, no matter where i am, as long as i have access to a computer, sooner or later i come back to check the messageboard and read a story or two.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
It's as good a place as any, my friend.
The thing about love...
It doesn't happen if you chase it. But keep your eyes, heart and mind open, and embrace it when it comes. The challenge is that love is no respecter of gender, as I discovered when I fell for my wife.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
M, I think I understand what you are saying. Find a place you want to call home. Work and look around. I dont know how to tell you except to tell you how it was with me. Im 18 just starting college (Im quite a bit older now). IM bitter and I hate everybody, especially my family. At 19 I was at a skateboard park and met a boy that I didnt believe that there was anyone like that in the world. He change my whole life and I lived with him for over 30 years.
I think Im trying to tell you dont try to hard. Dont expect Mr. Perfect, its the little flaws that make someone interesting. Always be yourself and always be honest no mater what the cost. Build a rlationship on love and trust and caring. The right boy doesnt have to be the best looking, he might be the one no one is paying attention to.
Stop running away from yourself. Take a good look at yourself. Admit to you faults but also count your pluses. Dont be so easy to anger. Think things thru. When you love love with all your heart.
Thats some things I learned and Mark taught me. The biggest thing, I learned to love myself and in doing that I learned how to love others.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hi M,
I think we all wish we could go back to being young and happy. The past is secure, for we know how it went, the good times and the bad times, and we can pick and choose our memories. But, of course, when it was happening we rarely felt the way we would like to believe we felt. I'm 23 and I wish I could go back to being 20 -- in retrospect I feel I was happy then, but actually, most of the time, I wasn't (very).
I think a lot of people, including myself, are driven by Hope. On a day to day basis, it doesn't change much, but over time you will find that things will go up and down and you can always look forward to the ups and know that the downs will still be over. Hope also gives you an aim in life -- even if you have a stressful day, if it brings you a little closer to your goal then it makes it worthwhile.
I hope that doesn't make things worse! I've done the same sort of thing that you have in the past -- written down my feelings and hoped they would be relevant to someone. I also drove into London once without telling anyone, but I was only away for a two or three hours before I turned around and came back -- I don't think I was even missed. Driving for three days is certainly an impressive undertaking -- I hope it allowed you time to think.
Anyway, good luck, and I have read your post, even if no-one else has!
With best wishes,
David
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
Your words are better, mine are briefer. And yet they amount to the same thing. 
We find what we seek in the unlikeliest places, but we must open ourselves up to the possibility of it happening, and accept it when it does.
At the same time we must do our best for ourselves to provide ourselves with food, shelter, education, comfort, all so that we may be at ease and accept that we can love and be loved in return
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
If M is like me, the three day drive will have been in tears. I went back to the places of my youth and wept for the lost years, the lost opportunities, the lost boys.
But none of that was real. It was history, and revisiting that history hurt. I am not yet used to living in the present. That also hurts.
Why am I writing this, though it seems not to be a direct answer?
To hope others will avoid my mistakes.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
unsui
|
 |
Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
|
|
|
No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 19:56] |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I've revisited places I was happy at -- principally my public school -- and yet they were not the same. I did not shed a tear because the place I remembered was the people, not the buildings. The people I can see again if I wish, the buildings I can see again when I wish, just not together.
The only time I have shed a tear for a place was when we moved house at the beginning of the year. I walked around the garden on the day of the completion and cried a little over the memories. Since then I have felt insecure, for I don't really have anywhere any more I can call home. The new house has not replaced it.
One day, I hope this will change and I will have a home and a partner and a happy home life.
Sorry, another drifting-off-topic post.
David
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
One day, and not far away, you will make a place your own home.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
 |
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
Hullo.....
It sucks to have to do all the things that go with being an adult......
But it does get better..... First.... get ur arse in school.... Ypoung people can no longer rely on just a high school education to secure employment of any substantial means..... i.e. a good job....
think of what you want to do and grab onto it with both hands..... its a lot of work but in the end you'll feel better about yourself and the good job you'll be better qualified for will make life alot easier.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wow... i didn't check this page for a few hours and i got all this responses. i was very surprised.
anyways, i read everything and i though of replying to each one of them because they touched some very good points. however, i'll just make it one post and summarize what i want to say, and at the same time, give you a little more insight as to what has been happening.
Here it goes.
Driving back the city where i lived for so long was an experience. The whole way there was like blur because i thought about everything and nothing at the same time. The views were amazing. It was just me, my car, and long stretches of road where i saw nothing but sky and desert. To be honest I was scared because deep down inside i wanted to find everything just like i remember. I have seen a lot of my old friends, and visited places i used to frequent when i was younger. it wasn't the same, of course, i knew that, but it brought so many memories, i remembered i didn't have a bad childhood. it was good and i had people that cared for me. but like timmy said, it was history and it wasn't the same.
Roger i'm not looking for Mr. Perfect because i already found my imperfect guy. i love him just the way he is. with all his imperfections and cute things which makes him who he is. i think that's why i fell for him. but, i'm in a different city because of the decision i made. we still talk and dispite everything, our bond became stronger and we realized what we had. we both know, if what we have is real, time won't matter and we will be together again. for now all i get do is to focus in my life and get back my desire to get better and not settle for less.
also roger, the other things you said are true. i've heard it before. i been running away from myself and its been soo hard to admit it. learning to love myself is what i'm in the process of doing. i'm tired of complaining and looking at the negative things in life when i know i have so many other great things around me. it is the reason why i want to stop moving and just settle down to do something with my life.
Micheal, i love your quotes. i wrote them down and i'll make sure i keep them in mind. they are soo true. i been living in the past too long that i stopped living the present and screwed up my future. i want to have goals and believe in myself like i used to when i was younger. my life was soo much better then. i know that's what been missing in my life because i hate not knowing where i'm going.
Marc, i love learning. i think i'm well rounded student and i know i'll do well in school if i set my mind to it. unfortunally i stopped going and i miss it. is something i do want to continue and i know its a key tool to help me later on in life.
Thank you guys for all the responses. i taken in everything each one of you have to say.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
M, all things take time and that you have. There is an old saw, If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, you will know it was meant to be.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
