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Hello Everyone! I'm back! Its been awhile hasn't it. Well you might be going who the heck is this. I have posted on this forum before under the name lost confused and broken and I was very lost confused and broken, but not so much now. I am more mending discovering and coping now I guess you could say  That might not ring a bell though but anywho. The Mormon kid from Utah? Does that help. Oh well. But anywho. Just thought I would drop a line and say hello!
Mattie
There's a kind of a sort...cost
There's a couple of things get...lost
There are bridges you cross you didn't know you'd cross until you've crossed
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ChowanFarmBoy
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 93
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Hey I don't know you but I'm glad to hear that whatever was wrong is getting better for you now. We don't have any Mormons here where I live at least none that I know about. We get Mormon boys walking the town in pairs to be missionaries sometimes. They are always nice looking.
So dude, I have a question. Do you Mormon boys really have to wear special underpants? How come? Do Mormon guys really get to have a wife and then have other women "wives?" Does your father have a lot of women? I don't mean to cause any trouble or make like I am insulting you but I am curious. A guy told me once the if you are gay they cut you out of the Mormans. That's rough.
Donny
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I guess I should explain somethings and its totally okay I don't mind. Yes alot of Mormons wear special underwear that symbolizes covenants that they have made with God. They really aren't different from boxers, briefs, or a br and what not. But when you go thorugh the temple you go through a process there and then from theat point on you start wearing garments. And Mormons no longer practice polygamy, so my father has one wife, all the people in Utah that do practice polygamy aren't affilated with the LDS church, they broke off from it, like MArtin Luther did from the Catholics. And no you can't be a "practicing" homosexual and be a member in good standing. They don't have a problem being attracted to the same gender, they don't view that as a sin, its acting on those attractions that they view as a sin. So right now say I went out and got myself a good looking boyfriend and we moved in together (not that I would have any idea where to look;-)) but say I did, then I wouldn't necessarily be cut off from the church, but basically I wouldn't be considered a member and with the mormon culture being so tightly knit, and EVERYONE gossiping, my family wouldn't look so hot and lots of people would know what I did and then they start judging you and it NO fun. But that is a choice that I haven't made yet. I don't know what I am going to do. Its like the song reflection from Mulan. If I be who I really am I will break my families heart, but Shakespeare said above all else be true to thine own self. So what do you pick? Whose heart do you break? Yours or theirs? I mean I could live a life alone with no one to hold on those lonely nights. I would have to choose a completely celibate (don't know if thats spelt correctly) lifestyle. Or I can be what I am when I look on the inside. But which do you choose? The consequences never would just effect me. How do you pick who to hurt?
There's a kind of a sort...cost
There's a couple of things get...lost
There are bridges you cross you didn't know you'd cross until you've crossed
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Mattie.........Hugggggggggggggggg
Im so glad you stopped in to say hi. I have wondered how things have been going for you and Im glad to hear your coping. So happy to see you back.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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Hi Mattie, Welcome back. I am one of the old farts here but have a very similar background to your own. I was raised a Mormon boy in Utah who had the same concerns you have just expressed. I chose the celibate route thinking I could maintain a clear conscience and at least a semblance of happiness. Well, I wasn't truly celibate, as I took occasional forays outside my closet for trysts. But they were carefully hidden and never long lasting - fear of exposure being the guiding emotion. But looking backwards and using my wondrous powers of hindsight, (we all seem to have this power), I think I could have made better choices.
If I could offer a piece of advice it would be to use a job, a school or some excuse to move far away from home. You will never truly be alive nor feel nourished where you are. You can't live your life for your parents' benefit or your church's and neglect your own emotional needs. Your family will still love you, even if they don't understand, and your emotional well being is truly in their best interests as well. Live your life for you.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Back is good. How are things at home?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Hey Mattie, long time, no see.
We've actually had another Mormon kid from Utah drop by recently but good to see you are well now
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Well Timmy, I guess the first thing to do to answer your question would be to define exactly what a home is. According to one of my favorite fairy tales, home is where the heart is and currently what is left of my heart is inside of me beating and pumping blood and keeping me alive. The rest of my heart was freely given away to a person that wanted it for awhile and then decided that it no longer had ay use to him. You would think that when people decide these things they would have the decency to return the heart, but maybe I didn't want it back or something like that I don't know. And yes there is a whole really long complicated messed up story behind all that. Well I guess its not really messed up. Its more my own little love story that was wonderful! What a fickle emotion love! But if you want me to explain more of that later I would be happy to. I warn you however that parts of it are not pretty. I am actually thinking of writing it all down in a story format, but I am not so sure. But enough about all that. High School is now over and done with and I am offically an adult, now if anyone here know how to get to Neverland with Peter and the lost boys please tell me! Growing up is exciting and all, but I feel like I missed childhood completely with all this figuring out and putting pieces together. Mostly because of the whole heart issue mentioned above I didn't run away to as soon as I could. Instead I got a job, bought my own car and laptop (which is the only reason why I get to talk to everyone now) and I am putting money in the bank for college. I start in January. I don't know what I am going to go into I have a few ideas and all. THings with my mom I would say are pretty good. We don't talk about the "issue". But she doesnt ever want me to have a relationship, she wants me to just start a career and adopt children. Which is okay, but its not what I want. My dad and I still fight alot. My brother is out of the house and serving as a missionary in Portugal. Life is pretty good. I have people to talk to now!! I really like my job to. Most the people that I work with are on drugs, but I have found that people that are stoned once in awhile tend to be easier to get along with. But anywho. I don't know. Life is okay! ITs good. Sure there is plenty to complain about. But thats life.
There's a kind of a sort...cost
There's a couple of things get...lost
There are bridges you cross you didn't know you'd cross until you've crossed
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Another one huh. Interesting! Thats cool though.
There's a kind of a sort...cost
There's a couple of things get...lost
There are bridges you cross you didn't know you'd cross until you've crossed
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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It all sounds pretty good. I wish it hadn't come to fighting, but I can see how your brand of religion makes fights inevitable.
Your mom seems to be working out how to handle the news. That's ok, she needs time, and then a little more time.
College is the place where you can reinvent yourself. Please let it not be a local college. Please let it be far away, and outside Utah.
I have some observations on pot, not entirely what you might "expect" from an old fart. I like it, but I have learned from my son, now rising 23, that he smoked too much of it and it genuinely affected his memory and ability to think, even after he stopped smoking it regularly. We were both surprised at that since it is alleged to have no bad effects. Untrue, it seems.
So I would say "avoid it" except occasionally, and be aware that some people have a very bad reaction to it indeed. One of my son's friends had to drop out of university for a year to recover his sanity - he became psychotic from it.
Glad you're back
The time until January will fly by. Plan precisely how you will present yourself to other students, and do a really fine job of studying.
I think you are a clarinetist, or was it flautist? Will you join the college orchestra?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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