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You guys love to discuss, split hairs, argue about when is something perverse and who are the perverts, and how many angels can dance on the head of a pin... here's a little humor about a hypothetical debate in church circles.
How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?
The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.
This would lead to an immediate backlash from the Evangelicals. They would make it an essential condition of faith that a real physical, living cat, being a domestic pet of the species Domesticus, and having a whiskered head, a furry body, four legs and a tail, did physically place its whole body on a floor covering, designed for that purpose, and which is on the floor but not of the floor. The expression "on the floor but not of the floor" would be explained in a leaflet.
Meanwhile, the Catholics would have developed the Feast of the Sedentation of the Blessed Cat. This would teach that the cat was white, and majestically reclined on a mat of gold thread before its assumption to the Great Cat Basket of Heaven. This is commemorated by singing the "Magnificat" and "Felix namque", lighting three candles, and ringing a bell five times.
This would cause a schism with the Orthodox Church which believes tradition requires Holy Cats Days (as it is colloquially known), to be marked by lighting SIX candles and ringing the bell FOUR times. This would partly be resolved by the Cuckoo Land Declaration recognising the traditional validity of each.
Eventually the House of Bishops would issue a statement on the Doctrine of the Feline Sedentation. It would explain, traditionally the text describes a domestic feline quadruped superjacent to an unattached covering on a fundamental surface. For determining its salvific and eschatological significations, we follow the heuristic analytical principles adopted in dealing with the Canine Fenestration Question (How much is that doggie in the window?) and the Affirmative Musaceous Paradox (Yes, we have no bananas). And so on, for another 210 pages.
The General Synod would then commend this report as helpful resource material for clergy to explain to the man in the pew the difficult doctrine of the cat sat on the mat.
– Author unknown
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Now..... I must object...... officially....
I once had a friend, Named "Cat" who was dating another friend named "Matt"
And I do forthrightly attest to the fact that on more than one occasion I saw with mine own eyes, Cat, indeed sitting on Matt.
Not only did Cat sit on Matt..... but! With enough indecision about the actual willingness of Cat to remain seated on Matt, he was most copiously rewarded in a most unusual way.
Cat was so pleases by Matt's offering that he insisted on a rinse and repeat.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Beatiful, just beatiful!! ROFLMAO
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Re: Debates and Contentiousness 
