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A most gentle and loving soul is in the process of passing from us. Codey, the founder of Codey's World (http://www.codeysworld.com/) is in kidney failure. He has been taken from the hospital to spend his remaining time at home, surrounded by his partner and his loved ones.
For those unfamiliar with him, he has devoted a great deal of his energies towards helping gay and disadvantaged youth. His site, like Timmy's, is a model for helping these youth survive in a hostile world. Our community owes him much and yet he has never asked for anything for himself - his life has been about serving others. When he passes, he will leave an empty spot in so many hearts.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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I've had him in my thoughts and prayers, it saddens me that this gifted kid may soon be gone.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I see he has a website..... Other than place a website on the WWW what has he done?
Just wondering...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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He is a writer, besides his on website he is also featured on AWESOME Dudes. He survived an auto crash, his parents did not, and was left with life threatening injuries that followed him the next few years. I could be wrong about his age, but I thought he was between 16-18 years old. Read his site.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Oh..... I thought he like did something..... Like something in real life, not just an online presence.
I did read his site prior to posting, that was why I posted, I couldnt actually see that he did anything.
I mean, in real life.... Oh you know what i mean....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Will someone pick up his site in order that his work may continue as a memorial to him?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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I believe Blue and Tim will keep it up and going.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I was under the impression he was home.....
Is this question not jumping the gun so to speak?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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He is home, his kidneys have failed and all treatment failed, it was his wish to be home
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I was sad to learn today that Codey passed away this morning.
aqua:'-(
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Hard to find useful words. So I will just think, quietly.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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As I write this, I am listening to Chapter 7 of one of the stories that Codey wrote: http://www.codeysworld.com/codey/from-the-heart/. I wonder how long ago he wrote it. The story seems very apropos. I was not previously familiar with his work, but I am already missing him.
peter
"Tu non altro che il canto avrai del figlio, o materna mia terra..."
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To his partner Tim, his editor and friend Blue, Gramps and Uncle Kyle, we share your sorrow and your loss. This young fellow who has suffered years of pain is now at rest. You have touched so many lives Codey and you will be greatly missed. Blue has promised to continue Codey's World because it has grown beyond anything Codey could have dreamed. It will be his legacy. Rest in peace young man. I am glad you found love in your short life.
[Updated on: Mon, 05 November 2007 06:15]
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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To the best of my recollection this was written in 2006. Codey would have been 16. I won't swear to the date however.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Sunday Morning November 4th, 2007
At 9:15 this morning, Codey, the founder of Codey's World, passed away at the age of 17, five years after an auto accident took his parents and brothers and left him with ongoing and eventually overwhelming health problems. We shall always remember our brother-in-spirit Codey, as we appreciate all that he accomplished through his creative writing and his website, for the benefit of GLBT teens and folks of all ages. We could never be more proud of anyone than we are of Codey's partner, 16-year-old Tim, who was at Codey's side, holding his hand, as Codey's brilliant, inimitable spirit left his impaired body, to fly free. Free to dance with unicorns, if he chooses.
My condelances to Tim, Codeys family and Blue, I don'tt know what to say
[Updated on: Mon, 05 November 2007 18:22] |
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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I thought I would share what Blue posted on befhalf of Tim re: Codey
A little history on Codey
Some of you have asked about Codey's health or offered advice. That's very much appreciated.
Tuesday morning, Tim and I talked about it, and well, it's time to tell you some about Codey. Codey has known he or Tim or I would tell you, when he was ready to say it.
For a long time now, Codey has wanted most of that to be private, because it is something he has to deal with, but the memories are painful; and because many people both in person and online, have reacted badly to his physical situation and his intelligence. Codey is not the kind of guy who accepts pity. Mostly, he's wanted his privacy, so he could enjoy being himself.
He's told a few of us along the way, and some of you have probably noticed a few things too.
This isn't hiding the fact that he's who he is, or how he is. This has been his way of coping and having control of his life and his decisions.
I am going to try to keep it simple, and I'll try to get across why Codey didn't just immediately say everything, in a way I hope you'll understand. At the same time, I'll try to respect Codey's and Tim's personal space.
First off, Codey has had long-term health problems since before any of us online met him. These are not "get well soon," curable things. As much as medical science can heal, any doctor would tell you, much of it is still a mystery, and they try their best.
What and why? -- Alright, folks, this is hard to say and it'll be hard to read.
Codey was in a severe auto accident when he was almost 12. His parents' minivan was hit by a drunk trucker. His parents and his younger brothers were killed. He survived, and was conscious when he was rescued. Codey had multiple injuries, especially to his head and neck, burns, and various other things. He was in a coma for 47 days, and in the hospital for 19 months. It left him with progressively weakening physical conditions, mostly due to brain and spinal injury. He was severely traumatized and has clinical depression. His condition meant he likely wouldn't make it to 18.
Codey wanted to die. He'd figured out he was gay, when he had feelings for one of his roommates. He thought if he told his Gramps, that he wouldn't want him anymore. His Gramps told him that if God had made him gay, then he should be the best gay boy he could be.
Codey was able to walk, with crutches.
Tim's family were neighbors of Codey's Gramps, and Tim was friends with all of them. Somewhere along the way, Codey and Tim became best friends, and explored, the way many boys do, and they began to love each other.
But Codey was still depressed. It is not something that goes away. He attempted suicide, and survived.
Tim stuck by him and time passed. During this time, Tim told his family. His family supports them, but his brother no longer speaks to him. Tim and Codey live together and went to school together.
In 2004, when he was 14, a bully at school objected to "the gay, crippled kid," and kicked Codey's feet out from under him, in the cafeteria. Codey hit the back of his head, the same place where he'd been injured. The bully was 17, tried as an adult, and given boot camp and probation.
In December of 2004, I first saw Codey online. He began a poetry challenge between him, me, and EleCivil. Maybe a week later, he and I had a misunderstanding, and he PMed, and what he said struck me to the core, and I apologized. We became friends and began to IM, and he told me about his accident. At that time, he still had nightmares, and would blank out for a few seconds at a time. We became close friends. He began posting poems which are now hosted at Codey's World. A few weeks later, at Graeme's and my urging, he sent me the first few chapters of a draft of Freefall and another novel that's unfinished. I knew he had something special. I began editing his stories.
During 2005, I think it was, Codey had a corrective knee surgery that didn't heal right. He has been in a wheelchair or in bed, since then. In late 2005, he became deeply depressed again and had to be offline a long while. When he came back, he thought I'd hate "the crazy kid" and wouldn't want anything to do with him. But I didn't feel that way at all; I'd almost attempted suicide, before coming out.
Codey also had some trouble online. But because so much of his social life and support and friends are online, his Gramps let him and Tim stay online. (That's serious and verified. An offender was jailed.)
In late 2005, Codey lost consciousness one evening. When he was coming to and recovering, he had a dream, and wrote "I Danced With Unicorns."
In 2006, Codey graduated high school early, at 16. He didn't attend his graduation ceremony or have a class photo. You should understand that Codey doesn't like how he looks. He has scars and other reminders from the accident, and sleeps with medical monitors on. Ever since the accident, he's had to take drugs: painkillers, anti-depressants, and other things. He hates drugs and alcohol with a passion, and wonders why anyone would want to take something to make them feel like that. In public, people often react badly, and think he's retarded, because of how he looks, sounds, and moves. Folks, I have been around handicapped people all my life, and I'm handicapped too. You do not know what it is like, until some stranger looks at you or someone you care about, or makes some stupid remark.
Some of you may have wondered why Codey didn't record his own stories and poems. The answer's simple: Codey's speech is strongly slurred, much like stroke victims' speech is affected. He wouldn't even tell me how much, until late last year. That's why you hear me reading them instead.
Some of you have wondered about his medical care. Please know he's getting the best health care available. Also know that Codey has refused some things, and he doesn't want any extraordinary measures to prolong his life. He wants to be with his family in his own home, where he's happy, with dignity.
I am very sorry if you think he should have said any of this sooner, but he hates the memories and feelings this brings up. He doesn't want any pity, or to be called a hero. He hates it when people don't understand, react badly, ignore he is even there, or wonder if he's for real, because of how well he writes, and because he is intelligent enough to have graduated early, despite his handicaps. Like most smart teens, he wants to be treated like an equal; not a kid, not an adult, an equal.
He wanted to keep all this private, so he could be himself, without people doubting him or pitying him or some other strange notions. He was also keeping this private, for Tim and their family.
If you don't understand why he didn't say these things sooner, I would ask you to think about why a guy like Codey might want to keep painful and personal things private.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Thank you for sharing that here. Perhaps you would share, there, a link to thoughts in his memory here. (you have to right click the thread and copy THAT url, otherwise you just get the board itself).
It seems we all have different "coming out" to do. I see why he chose not to while he was alive, yet why it would have made people view him differently I don't know. or I do, but pity those people for their inability to see the person inside.
Kids in pain are not heroes because they are kids. Maybe he was a hero, maybe not, but he was, for all accounts, wonderfully normal save for the outcome of the accident. And if he has helped only one boy to live free of fear, that is enough to have done.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Not without registering I think. I know it sounds odd, but I don't want to intrude. I never knew Codey, you see.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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No problem..... I'll keep you posted if you like...the other post earlier pretty much sumed up Codey.
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Suffering from Kidney failure I can relate to the suffering and misery this young man had to endure. People here know how many times I wanted to give up. This young man had courage beyond meassure. Im glad he got to pass away at home surrounded by the ones who loved him and he loved in return. I shed a tear and say a prayer for him and also fot his loved ones. If there is something after death then he is with his mom and dad and brother now. the pain is over and now he has peace.
[Updated on: Mon, 05 November 2007 19:25]
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Thanks for this... Now I feel as if I know him.
It's hard for me to feel compassionate toward someone I have never exchanged words with. Knowing someone is what brings the heart into a relationship be it in a romantic sense or as friends.
I'm sorry Codey had such a traumatic life and I am sure he is at peace now.
I'm a person that believes in the wheel of life and as such it is easy to envision that he will someday return even stronger, more loving than previously.
My condolences to his family, loved ones and friends.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Your welcome, if you like poetry, read some of his stuff on the web, I liked "I Danced With Unicorns" the poem he wrote after coming out of one of his many coma's.
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Re: A sweet man leaves us 
Re: A sweet man leaves us 
