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Hi...i just got back from our little holiday vacation...Just my sis and my mom and some family friends...We were in one of the best beach resorts in the country...it was pretty expensive but all worth it...It was CUTIE heaven!!! XD..anyway, it was all great until my sister dropped a bombshell on me...
See i have this good friend...he's 23 and ive heard things about him and his bestfriend...but u knw rumors are always never true so i just laughed it off...but just recently, i kinda confirmed that there was a lot of truth to it (long story)...and my sis also learned about it(nother long story)...
So we talked bout it while we were there...she was utterly shocked coz he's like a big brother to us and she felt disgusted about them being a couple and all...she thinks his parents, who happend to be with us that day, might disown him...if theyl know that is... THEN i asked her how she'd feel if i was er...unstraight..i dunno why i said that it just sorta came out in the "heat" of the moment u know...
Anyway, she told me she CANT stomach the idea of having a gay brother...and that it'll just hurt mom and my father (*cringe*) will prolly murder me. She was just disgusted by the whole thing. I ddnt push the topic further as i might accidentally out myself...and that was it. Now i know how theyd feel.
Guess ill just have to live a straight life...or at least i could try...
i mean the last thing i wanna do is hurt their feelings. mybe il find a good, loving girl and marry her and have kids...i like kids...mybe it'll work out...oh well...life... Sigh...
PS...I never had the chance to greet any1 here so Happy New Year to all! ...i know mine wont be..
-Steve
[Updated on: Wed, 02 January 2008 09:08]
yama nashi, ochi nashi, imi nashi
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Dear XteveKyo,
Don't live your life for other people. Live your life for yourself. I know that's easy to say and it's advice I never followed myself. But then I get to spend my twilight years wondering what could have been... what should have been.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Paul, ditto - ditto.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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Tell people you WANT to tell, not those you feel you OUGHT to tell. Your sister has a view. But she may be alone in it.
I have a cousin. When he was a kid he was Graham. Today she is Lindy. I liked Graham. I like Lindy. They are similar yet different people, if you follow me.
I went to visit her and took her out to lunch. She told me of a gathering of her brother and two sisters where she was "summoned". One of her sisters stated that Lindy should have been smothered at birth. That was unpleasant, and very hurtful.
Today the woman is starting to understand, a little, what Lindy went through as a kid.
This has some relevance to your situation.
Oh the other sister is much more OK. The brother is pretty hateful. But they come from an area of the UK where the gene pool is very shallow indeed!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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DearXteve,
But surely your sister already knows! Or she should.
I guess everyone is different, but lots of people I know have spoken of the relief they felt when they had admitted even to a few people how they felt about sex. Isn't it a relief to be able to talk to others openly here? It's a relief I felt too. But I never had the courage to come out to my parents. I think they probably half knew or something like that (Knew really but refused to allow themselves to recognise it maybe). (I had been have homosexual sex for ten years!) Anyway, when I got married they didn't have to be told any more so I never did.
But now my whole family knows and seems to be happy with it and I certainly am.
I certainly wanted not to be gay, but when it mattered I could not conceal it. I told my wife I was gay long before we got engaged or married and I suppose I'm really bisexual or I couldn't have been married for 45 years and been faithful. She took a big risk and maybe so did I but we've pulled it off so far! Maybe you would find you could do that and want to. But deceit is not a good way to start a relationship and if your ideal for a life partnership is (like mine) a meeting of two minds with no holds barred then you won't be able to do it.
A wife or a partner ought to be the most important person in your life and, I would say, you really must be able to be honest and open with them.
In my day very few people were able to make a success of a homosexual relationship. All homosexual acts were illegal. I can remember daydreaming about one boyfriend whether, if he were a girl I would marry him. Living together was so unthinkable! If I started again now I have no idea how I might turn out. On the whole I'd rather not dwell on it.
Love
Anthony
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Following the threads of a few post since your own, I've found myself thinking about the concept of two people meant for one another. You know, the concept that your other half is out there, somewhere, waiting for you. Perhaps that is just an idealized dream and there are a number of people to whom we could combine with like two sides of a zipper. But let's say that person, or persons, exist and we refuse to look for them - that we refuse to give 'Fate' the opportunity to draw us together. Let's say that in order to protect the feelings of others, we are willing to settle for a less fulfilling relationship. Then I guess we are no longer just denying ourself fulfillment but also refusing to give it to that other person out there somewhere. It becomes two souls adrift and not just one. Not that there is necessarily any truth to this but it did come to my mind.
I wonder about that person I failed to connect with because I was afraid to be honest to myself. But then again, how many people actually are fortunate enough to connect in that way even when they do go searching for that special other? A few on this board have been that fortunate. And even if it may have been a short connection for some, severed by whatever reasons, it was a fulfillment for a time. And though the loss of that connection brought great pain, I don't think they would have traded it for anything less.
So, I suppose, it's one thing to dream but the dream loses all meaning if we don't reach for it. The dream just becomes another fantasy and, as pleasant as fantasies can be, they aren't real.
Sorry if this seems disconnected and rambling, it's just thoughts.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Dear Paul,
I think the idea that there is just one other that you can click with and that if you find them life is beautiful and otherwise shit: that idea is just silly.
I don't believe in fate or in God or in destiny or any of those things. Surely the truth is that you might be lucky and find someone with whom you can be partners and happy. You also might be too eager and think you have found someone when you haven't, It might, as you say, bring fulfillment for a time. And then turn out to be a disaster.
My wife puts it very well: she says "Fortune favours the prepared mind" that is to say "If you are ready and prepared to recognise a chance of getting what you REALLY want then you will leap at it". If you are distracted by excessive sexual desire (or it could be NEED) maybe you will miss your chance. If possible don't put yourself in the position of being unable to take the chance when you get it.
But that means don't get too frustrated! Don't try to be too pure (in heart) lest you can't see when a chance of 'eternal' bliss appears on the horizon and miss it. Last train to . . . . . (ouch).
So, even if (as I believe) there is no such thing as 'fate' there are still opportunities that you can miss or catch (is that what one does when one takes an opportunity?) and which can be a life-changing event.
The notion that there is only one other half that could make you whole is pernicious (like most of what Plato said - I put that in specially to annoy certain people!). It can cause you to miss a lifetimes bliss for a small imperfection.
And, of course you are right, they wouldn't have traded it for anything less; BUT they would have traded it for something more if they had been sure that the more was available. And of course the danger was that accepting the lesser good might make them miss the greater good. (If I go to bed with Charles and it makes me miss the chance of going to bed with George will I regret it forever?)
Love,
Anthony
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