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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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You all want a place where you can hold discussions, ask for advice, vent some, have fun. So do I.
That means imposing some behavioural standards. Now, let's be clear, here. I am not having a go at anyone, and this makes no reference at all to any recent posts, except that I imposed "my will" yesterday about a pair of behaviours that I felt inappropriate. That is in the past.
But I am damned if I impose my will, and damned if I do not.
The real question I have for you is a simple one. "Why can you not all behave with decorum?"
This is meant to be your forum. How about everyone treating it as if it were actually precious?
If someone else behaves poorly, why is it so hard to ignore them during that behaviour, and to socialise with them when they do not exhibit it? How hard can that possibly be?
Anyone actually want to run this place?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hey all,
I can not help but feel that some of what has happened is in part my fault. Timmy, I know that you have not pointed fingers at anyone but I still feel guilty for the bad feelings on the board, and I am not sure why...
It seems to me, like a lot of people have been hurt in one way or another by what has been said and done. I had really hoped that we would all be able to move on with things.
I am really not sure what else to do :-/
Everyone on the board has some kind of link to me, no matter how small, and it pains me to see them hurt.
It started with me, and when I say the start I really do mean that it was when things really got out of hand, maybe it should end with me...  ??
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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This happens to me quite a bit, whenI can not find the words to say so I write a poem. So here goes...
Was it me,
Did I hurt you?
Was it me,
What did I do?
Was it me,
I do not understand,
Was it me,
Did I kill Cock Robin?
I spoke my mind and lived my way,
I thought that people might like to hear what I had to say.
I guess I was wrong think I should not,
Was it me who fired the first shot?
Did I put you down or make you mad,
Was it really that bad?
I waited and watched in the hope it would pass,
I started to see the greener grass.
But pressure was building behind silent eyes,
The peace was short lived and now it dies.
I started a race that can not be won,
What's said is said the damage is done.
Was it me,
Did I hurt you?
Was it me,
What did I do?
Was it me,
I do not understand,
Was it me,
Did I kill Cock Robin?
[Updated on: Wed, 09 January 2008 11:02]
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Please do not take on any guilt. This is a very general post indeed.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I have to say that I find the judgemental attitudes of some members towards others far more disturbing than the inappropriate behaviour some members may exhibit in the first place.
Let's all take a step back. This is a place for support and advice. I think it behoves us to ensure there is a certain level of distance that allows any comments to be asked without offence.
Leave your prejudice and preconceived notions at the door. Take each post at face value and if it offends you there's nothing compelling you to reply.
Let what people have said and done in the past stay there and deal with your spats in private, not in public.
Let's keep this Place of Safety approachable, instead of being a clique or network of cliques. That goes for everyone, I'm not pointing any fingers, but "anything goes- provided tact is shown" should be the motto.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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JimB
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Likes it here |
Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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You can not accept the blame for the behaviour or actions of others. What eventually happened had very little to do with the gif you posted. It was all about the posts that followed it, peoples reactions to those posts and pent up feelings that hadn't previously been expressed. As your poem says, "...pressure was building behind silent eyes..."; and it had been building long before you posted the gif.
Don't fret, peace will return. But more importantly, don't feel any blame for what took place!
JimB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Saben wrote:
> I have to say that I find the judgemental attitudes of some members towards others far more disturbing than the inappropriate behaviour some members may exhibit in the first place.
I think it all comes back to the head of the board. The rules are very simple. I think we could simplify them some more to read "Do no harm with what you do here"
If we look at the various behaviours exhibited in detail, judging others is as unacceptable as being in any way pointedly unpleasant. We are here for a simple reason. The doors do not exist, so they can never be closed.
I want to make this as clear as I can. All, repeat all are welcome provided they behave well. When they behave badly (and I include judgmental behaviour in that), it is the behaviour that is unwelcome. The person is always welcome.
Every one of us has foibles and eccentricities. As long as they do not impinge on another person's rights, those are welcome too.
I should never, ever have to moderate this forum. I find it hateful to be asked to do it and hateful to do it.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, Timmy,
It is actually quite hard to avoid being judgmental. It's so easy to imply a judgment by saying something that is intended only to be an opinion.
I think it is quite remarkable how little unpleasantness there is.
As for practical suggestions I suggest everyone should read through what they have written to check that they really mean what they say.
One could even say don't just hit send.
Love to all (and especially Jamie),
Anthony
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I am damned whatever I do 
Was It Me ? 
No, Tempo, it wasn't you 
