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This is where the Battle of Thighpick Mountain was fought. Also known as the Assault on Twinkie Ridge.
The Confederate forces, the 69th. Hawaiian, were under the command of Col. Peter Gozinya, a Polish expatriot. The regiment was known for the flamboyance of it's uniforms and especially for the grass skirts the men wore. Alas, the regiment had an all too brief history, since many of the men perished from cold and over exposure from sitting too far away from the campfires. They learned early in the War that the grass skirts were all too flammable.
The Union troops of the 99th. Massachussetts, also know as "The Spooners" because of their close sleeping habits, or "The Provincetown Blades," were commanded by Lt. Col. G.I. Luvtafuyck, a Dutch officer in the Union Army about whom very little is known.
The battle opened on this date in 1862, and the 69th. Hawaiian defended Twinkie Ridge with great tenacity, equaled by the ferocious assault of the Northern lads. Hardtack, bacon bits, and eclairs were hurled helter-skelter. The battle was fought to a draw in the early hours of the evening, and ended when one of the Massachussetts boys jumped up on a huge boulder and screamed "Enough of this shit! I've got a hangnail and I'm goin' home!"
So after a whole day of exchanging hardtack and bacon bits and eclairs all the boys thought they should have something a little more healthy for their supper, so they all went to Uncle Pic-Yo-Ass's Cafe and Yoghurt Bar and had salads, with dressing on the side of course.
Then later, the troops mingled a little, and then mingled a little more, and even though the Massachussetts boys never did capture Twinkie Ridge, they had their twinks in the end after all.
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