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Hey all,
I hope that you are doing well. It has all been very mizz in SA for the past three days now and I am just about ready to go out and get myself a life-jacket. It has not stopped raining now for 84 Hours and for the middle of our summer it is cold as heck. Gota love those cut off low pressures ;-
)
Now I have been reading through the thread " As long as we're all going to pull out poetry... " and an interesting thing developed for me. And I was wondering why do people choose the photos that they do for their avatar? I would like to know, if you are willing, why you have chosen what you have to show "who" you are.
Mine would have to be because that day was the 1st time that I had ever played with Lions. Its hard to believe that they start off so small and get to the size that they do. Gawd I really do love Africa... Most days and when its not raining continually...hehehe ;-D
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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I needed an avatar, so I snapped a picture with a cheap webcam in my room at university. It's from May 2007 -- I don't remember the occasion.
I don't think I'm old enough yet to pick one of when I was younger -- it wouldn't look hugely different from now, unless I picked one from my early teens -- and I don't have enough of myself to have one with a particular meaning. (On the whole, I prefer being behind the camera.)
David
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My avatar is a photo from about 18 months ago, but is pretty much the way I look now. I've been out to everyone for around 30 years, so I'm not too worried about who knows it, and I reckon that I'm old and ugly enough that it's not going to attract the attention of stalkers.
For a short while, I did use one of the pacifist symbols as an avatar, but I decided that it was subliminally winding people up on all kinds of general threads, so I went back to a photo. Although it may occasionally appear otherwise here, I am rarely deliberately confrontational!
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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In real life, you smile a lot more. 
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Well, it is simple. It is me. But a me I missed being properly
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Thanks, Deeej.
Actually, it does rather reflect that on the net I find my sense of humour doesn't come across well: I can end up offending people when things had been meant light-heartedly. So I've pretty much stuck to serious stuff here and elsewhere on the net ... but in real life there is plenty to smile and be happy about!
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Because Eldon and Debbie told me it was the best picture they had ever seen of me. When we were talking about putting up pics, we figured nobody by gay or bi boys would ever be here and see them, so we felt pretty safe.
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There really is a lot to be happy about! Yep! There sure is! Sometimes life is just so perfect and so good, and classes are cool and friends are great, and you know you got into a decent college, and you got that great job lined up again for the summer vacation...
Some days it's all about counting blessings!
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Because Curtis and Jonny think it's a good picture of me.
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I sure do and I still think your aaawwwsaomeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Of course Jon is awsomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee too and so is Alan, and hey everybody is.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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This is the only good picture I have of Rick and myself......
I am to the left, Rick is taller....
and it makes me feel good to look at him... I feel he is close to me when I see him...
Is that bad? Seriously, is it?
-
Attachment: tn_img5u.jpg
(Size: 8.98KB, Downloaded 395 times)
[Updated on: Fri, 11 January 2008 17:22]
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Ahhhhhh wellllllllll, its me, and I dont have my glasses on so I dont look so much like a dork.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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No Marc, its not silly or strange. Sometimes I feel Mark very close, especially when I need some support. No, its not silly at all.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Bad?
More like wonderful.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Huggs tight...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Thanks Tim,
Sometimes I wonder if trying to be close is part of the anger i sometimes feel...
I do miss him.... every day....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I've long since stopped worrying about whether glasses make me look like a dork. Contact lenses aren't available for my prescription (well, they can approximate it, but the quality is not nearly as good as with glasses).
Actually, that's not quite true. Until I was 13 or 14 I wore ridiculously large glasses, and I can't look at most photographs of me before then without feeling like a complete idiot. They were probably fashionable about the time I was born, and the less said about 80s fashion, the better, really.
David
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Which dork don't you look much like? ~ducks~
Do we have to worry about the spectacle-bashers now?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Trying to be close? No, that is not the anger. Anger is not caused by those we love, even when they are 100% inaccessible. Anger is caused by those who separate us from those we love.
You feel angry for so many reasons, and Ricky is none of them. I could write a huge list and never find the right one, and yet you could hit it in one, if you concentrated hard. But don't look for it unless you have already made the decision to let it go.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Marc ~ The picture is lovely, really lovely. It's so warm and gentle; no wonder you feel close to him when you look at it. Thank you for sharing with us.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Jamie
"It's not lying if they force you into the lie. Not if the only truth they can accept is their own."
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I've never been able to look at that picture without crying.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I don't understand....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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huggs
He was so beautiful..... inside and outside.....
He was the glue that held me together..... for all my.... well, you know...
He was able to calm me with just a touch.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Glasses do NOT make a person a dork.....
Being a dork does..... So if you dont..... then you arent...... glasses or no glasses....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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None of my avatars have been of me. They have been something which either reflects the mood I am going through such as the redneck boy in dungarees, someone I've found sexually attractive such as the back view of the qt in black speedos partially and unconsciously revealing his butt, or something appeals to my warped sense of humour such as the present one.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Great pic Marc, couple of good-looking guys too!
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Wed, 21 May 2008 10:18]
Cycling is the one sport where a guy can shave his legs, wear spandex and bright colors, and be accepted.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The challenge is that you have to work out how to forgive. The one person you have never forgiven is the guy who made the decision to walk. You can't carry that load. Simplistic, but you have to realise this for yourself and work through it. And you will cry. But Ricky forgave you years ago even though there was nothing to forgive.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I dont know how to do that. I don't know whe proper pennance........
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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You have served whatever penance that was required.
I have a very simple question for you. If Ricky had made the decision to walk, and you had been killed instead, ignoring the logistical challenge, how many minutes would it have taken you to forgive him?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Well i dont have an avatar
but that photot of marc and ricky if i remember ricky told me it was taken the week before moving to london...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I understand....
I don't want to understand but I do....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Marc,
Your avatar is one of the most beautiful pictures I know of. Although few details are visible, until you posted the larger version of it, it reflects a wonderful atmosphere of peace and safety which can only be shared by people who truly love each other. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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From where I see it, your "not wanting to understand" could be a way of keeping hold, in some manner, of the blame you have taken to yourself and held close to your core for so long. This blame, this guilt, is safe. It is a known thing, a given, a fact of life, apparently immutable.
"I can't let go of it in a flash!"
That is probably right, like giving up smoking. Some struggle, others do it just like that.
You can decide to do it. "All" you have to do is to allow the guilt, a guilt which was never yours to own, to drop quietly away. Doing this can even reaffirm your love for Ricky. If it helps, if you like the idea, have a pastor bless him now, today.
And start to move forwards for the first real time since he died, knowing that you have paid whatever price was to be paid. And get some friends, new or old, around you and tell them, even if you cry, what you are doing, and ask them all to help you, especially when you push them away, to work through this stage.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Well Tempo,
It almost chose itself because it was the smallest file. And I thought a picture of me would be nice - and one that's prettier than I am now.
But maybe I ought to change it and let you all see what I look like now!
Love,
Anthony
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I thought about this for some time.... I just don't know how to do it.
When I think about letting go... I get a feeling of betrayal... Like in giving up on him...
I dont like that feeling... I know i'm being silly... but it goes so deep...
I just don't know how.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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i sat up all night and thought about something that Jordan told me...
It was them that caused it!!! Those dirty bastards!!! I hope they all rot in the deepest hell!!! We had been doing nothing wrong. We were just walking to a friends place and those sonofabitches stopped and started all the trouble!!! all i wanted was some quality time with Rick... and we loved going for walks... yeah it was cold out... hell it was february... but it wasnt snowing or raining... it was a parfect night for a walk after a perfect romantic dinner heading to friends to celebrate Rick's promotion.... nothing wrong in that!!!! nothing!!!! it was those fucking punks that were out cruizing for trouble!!!! it was them...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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It was them.
So forgive yourself for whatever it is you have blamed yourself for. It isn't easy, but it is simple.
If it were easy you would have done it already. And, because it is so simple, you have never realised you can do it without abandoning anyone.
It was them.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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My avatar was taken when I was 77. I will soon be 80, so I shaved off my moustache to look younger. So far I haven't attracted any cute things. Maybe it's my walker keeping them away. 
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That's so wonderful, Marc. And thank you Jordan.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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