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Ok heres the problem I have been seeing this guy for a month (we will name him Drew) and i am starting to fall in love with drew..... but here the prob there was another guy ( who we will name nick) that i was going out with at the same time that me and drew started to go out..... and I chose Drew over nick..... b4 any one says any thing we only went out on two dates b4 i chose Drew. well I have not spoken to nick for a few weeks... and for the past few days i keep tinking about nick... and how i kinda wanna be with him.... then a little while ago nick sends me a txt mesage saying whats and how i have i been..... and so forth..... so I guess what i am saying is i am at alost as for what to do....... cuz i am unsure that i really want drew...... and i feel bad cuz i am thinking of nick....... so yeah any advice.......
Jayson:'-(
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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If you have not given Nick the impression that he was your one and only TRUE LOVE, I believe you should treat him as a friend and be honest. When he asks you "what's new?" just tell him that you have met a new friend and have been out a few times and he seems really nice. You know Jay, it is possible to love more than one person at a time. Decision time comes when you have to decide to love and be totally true to one and only one guy. Until that time you are free to cast your net in any water you chose and take your chances with what you catch. My advice is to always be honest, safe, and don't think with your dick.
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but the problem is that i think i wanna be with nick, after the fact that i told drew that i want to be with him....... so i am at a lost as what to do should i take a step bk with drew and tell him i need to think things out cuz we have been moving alittle fast...... and see what happens with nick...... or should i blow off nick and try to get him off my mind and and try to make the best of things with drew..... as you can tell i am no good at making up my own mind on stuff like this..... i know my options and i know what they mean for both partys involved.... on one hand i will kick my self if i pass up the guy of my dreams but on the other i do not wanna hurt drew cuz he may be the one for me.......
Jayson
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Jason you don't know which one is the man of your dreams right now. In fact Mr. Wonderful may be waiting till next Friday to enter your life. Why don't you give yourself a real chance to know Nick and Drew by seeing each of them. You really don't get to know the real person behind the face until they learn to relax around you. I'm sure you are not yourself around them yet either. Most people put on a different face on the first six or eight dates until they feel safe to expose themselves. Jack the Ripper may have looked like Mr. Right to those poor girls "afor he done em in". Don't be in such a rush, that's how you get hurt. Mr. Right will stick to you like glue while you make up your mind, because you'll be Mr. Right to him.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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And here is the conundrum....
No matter which guy you are with.... The other guy will always look better...
and there will always be another guy around the corner...
Until you learn to stop looking for "the next best guy" and get into a relationship that actually works you will never find happiness... you will never find stability... And love will always be cheapened by the lust for "that next guy".
It is time you make a decision... But remember that there are other people involved here as well... They have feelings as well... So whatever decision you make it seems that you are going to have to hurt someone.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Dear Jay,
I was going to say that while you aren't sure you shouldn't make a decision when I read Marc's suggestion that NOW was time to decide.
I wonder whether it is being unable to decide that is the problem in which case that turmoil can be ended by making a decision even if it is the wrong one.
On the other hand if what you really want to do is ensure you stick with one guy who is right for you the only thing to do is to spend more time with both and talk as openly as you can with them.
Take care though. If you give them some inkling that they are in competition their reactions could be not what you want. One could be upset that there is someone else in your life. One could say "Oh well! If there's someone else then you don't need me. I was going to try to let you down lightly sometime anyway. Goodbye." If you want it to be you that decides and not one of them you need to be more aware than they are of the needs and desires of each of you.
In my opinion, if it were me, I would think the worst outcome would be to make the wrong decision as a result of hurrying.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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This is known as dating.
Dating lets you try many people for size and fit before settling down with the love of your life.
If you find the right person on the way, stop dating.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 19:41] |
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Is it attraction or suitability that makes you favour Nick right now?
Do you want a relationship or a fling?
Attraction doesn't make for a relationship- but does make a fling more interesting. If it's about attraction you'll probably want to play around. Nothing wrong with that, you'll settle when you're ready- just make sure the guys know what you are up for.
For a relationship, well, communication is the key. And the dynamics and energy between you and whoever. You might notice that you have more in common with Nick, or that you have more fun with him. That's usually a good start. But don't sell Drew short- you've spent more time with him and the first couple of dates are always better than the latter.
You need to decide what each offers- including how much you know about them and weigh that against what you want. Trust me- just because a guy matches up against an imaginary checklist in your head that doesn't mean he's boyfriend material. Everything changes once you are in a relationship. You have to be able to communicate and you have to know where you are both going and want to go in the same direction. And that isn't stuff you know until you have been dating a while.
Good luck with it though. Neither of them is "the one", neither of them is "the wrong one". Make the decision carefully, though, because while no choice is bad the choice is still important.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Make a date in a gay bar and the date gets as far as the men's room before you are on to the next person. You certainly get to try out a load of people for size. You also get shape, texture, colour, flavour. What you don't get is any form of longevity. It lasts as long as the build up to orgasm, usually his!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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It has been a while in deed;-)
Well there is no easy way round this, and being so young myself I don't think that I could be the right one to be telling you what to do.
I'm one of those types that will no do anything until I know full and well what the outcome is going to be, and hell you are not going to know full and well untiul yuo have done it... Does that make any sence?
Harvest the best of it all, take it all in. It seems like you are rushing into a commitment, and I know that is not what you want to be doing  But like others have said, give it some time. Get to know them both a little better and then start with the choices. At this point I can not see the need to commit to a relationship. Making friends is also a go factor here, and hey if one of them does turn out to be " THE ONE " then thats great but either way if you start off as friends then its all good.
However, if you want to start it as a relationship from square one then I think there may be problems no matter how it goes.
I think I can talk for everyone by saying that we have missed you 
Hope that you come right.
Mike ;-D
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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Saben wrote that the later dates are not so good as the early ones.
I think that's not always true. If what you get is the excitement of getting to know someone new and delightful then they can be but if they are, then maybe that isn't such a promising sign of a long relationship to come. And if the third and fourth dates are already seeming less fulfilling then maybe you should think twice.
But if the fifth is better than the first and the twentieth better than that you may have found a life partner.
And you had guessed, hadn't you, that I'm prejudiced in favour of long relationships.
Love,
Anthony
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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"Better" was the wrong word, "more exciting" is probably what I was looking for.
I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years now. I love him, he's great. We have a lot of fun together. But it's rare that my heart pumps and I get all fluttery when going out on a date with him. I know him, I live with him, but there isn't the adrenaline.
That's all I meant. Often people wear rose coloured glasses for the first couple of dates because of the excitement of dating. It's easy to miss a person's flaws. By the 20th, you still might be having a great time but you'll notice that they snort when they laugh, or always let you pay for things, or whatever the case may be. Flaws that are tolerable and in some cases make you love them more- just ones you didn't notice on the first 3 dates.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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OK so I need some HELP!!!!!!!!!!! 
