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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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But tolerating abusive behaviour goes just so far. Battered wives tolerate it and some get killed.
I just want you all to know that I do not take decisions to exclude someone lightly. I leave it perhaps rather too long in the hope that the person causing issues will reveal why they came, why they need us. I never forget that people come here because they have a reason to come. I always hope we can be of some use. And I try to encourage the abusive perosn to use us rather than abuse us.
I suppose it can look like "this guy attacked me so I excluded him." I'm sorry about that. I'd rather he attacked me than attacked you, though, even if it does make it look as if I retaliated.
It has taken me a long time to exclude Jack. And, today, he chose exclusion by being personally abusive after a specific warning, one that he acknowledged elsewhere.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Dear Timmy,
That must have been hard on you.
I had a similar hard time when I was a volunteer with the local AIDS charity. I was attacked quite fiercely because I said I was predominantly gay but must be at least a bit bi because I was married and faithful to my wife who knew (and knows) all about me. I don't now remember the words used but I think I was called a traitor to the gay cause or something like that. I could take it and did take it because I am very self-confident and felt secure in my own peculiar sexuality.
If I may say so, I find one of the saddest things I've picked up over the last few days on the site is that you feel your wife deserved a straight man and the implication that you aren't/weren't good enough for her. I can't believe it. Not only are you a very caring person but you have done and are doing GOOD WORKS and I am impressed by them and want you to be honoured for it. And just as I believe my wife is *still* satisfied with me (I arrogantly believe) I hope yours is with you.
Now I've probably said too much in open forum. Tell me off by email please.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I am never particularly concerned about my being attacked personally. In these circumstances I prefer it that I am the one attacked than other people.
My wife deserved someone who was not in love with someone else (as well as with her). She also deserved someone whom she feels actually worships the female form. I accept it and appreciate its beauty, but I am not driven to ecstasy by sight of it
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Dear Timmy,
When my mother discovered that my father was illegitimate she was incensed and felt betrayed. When he asked her for reassurance saying that surely she would have married him anyway she said that she wouldn't have married him if she had known!
I thought that was pretty unkind. She only found out when I was sixteen or seventeen and I found out at the same time, because of the rows.
But my father was brought up by a single parent, his mother, and when he discovered that he was illegitimate at about sixteen or seventeen he chose to take his father's surname so he became Camacho (so he changed his surname part way through secondary school - or so I was told). His mother and sister stayed Sarmiento - and my mother claimed she was deceived?! Work that one out.
She made a life choice when she married him and although he *ought* to have told her, she ought to have had her eyes open too.
As it happens I don't think my mother deserved better. I really do hope that your wife doesn't think she does, (whatever you think). I think she might even be rather lucky to have you. And it is plain to me that you *couldn't* have told her everything about you as you didn't know some of it, yourself.
Love,
Anthony
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This has set me wondering. What percentage of husbands "worship the female form" as opposed to a combination of (i) merely (as you put it) "appreciating its beauty" and (ii) finding themselves attracted to one particular individual woman.
Is it a prerequisite of being a heterosexual that you worship the female form? Come to that, is it a prerequisite of being gay that you worship the male form? Is it not more about finding the right individual, which if you are gay is most likely to be a man and if you are straight is most likely to be a woman?
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think others need to answer that. I worship, you see.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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