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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13799
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Last night I renewed acquaintance with a cousin I last met in maybe 1968. I've been doing some family tracing. She said "We never seemed to connect when we were kids."
I first met her in 1965/66 when she was 12 and I 13. She was a pleasant girl, but I was not at all comfortable with girls. There was nothing I could relate to. I assume she was comfortable with boys and tried to relate.
So I found myself explaining that I am gay.
This is a repeating pattern. There are people I just will not tell, but I have so far only had either curiosity or folk saying "so what?" when I've come out to them.
I still get worried about speaking, though. It seems to be so big a thing to me, but not to them. Am I alone in feeling that?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I still hesitate when telling people at Uni.
There's still uncertainty. Likely it'll work out, but there's a small chance a potential friendship could turn sour.
There's also the issue of privacy. "Do I really want to tell someone something so intimate?"
I still prefer to tell people online or in context "as a gay man, of course I'm in favour of gay marriage".
I also don't like telling people about Ryan, he is legal, but it's still a big age gap that not everyone would agree with.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Dear Timmy,
I feel the same. I do the same. I've always been reluctant to tell people I'm gay. And although I don't make much attempt to hide it I do very little (except on my computer) that would give anyone a reason to ask. (Oh - apart from wearing lycra tights instead of trousers! - Little things like that which I forget because I'm so used to them.)
That's one of the things I like about this place; I can be open and mention the outrageous things I did and not worry.
But my wife understandably would prefer me to say that I'm bisexual as she thinks that my being completely gay would reflect on her. And she's not tempted by the same sex.
I suppose that for most of my life to be openly gay has been a big slur and I am not used to the "So what?" response and am still cautious about admitting it.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy wrote:
> I still get worried about speaking, though. It seems to be so big a thing to me, but not to them. Am I alone in feeling that?
It seems to be pretty common among gay guys I know who have reasons (wife, closeted boyfriend, etc) to be a bit careful about who they tell. I felt like that for about five years after I first came out.
But for at least 20 years I've been very clear that it isn't a big deal, and if someone makes an issue of it, it's their hang-up. Though I can't think when I last "told" someone ... I usually just assume everyone knows and if they don't it will come out in normal social interaction.
At the moment, the only group of people I'm involved with that don't - I think - know that I'm gay are a "Quaker Quest" group I've started going to on Mondays ... it just hasn't cropped up in our discussions so far. But the theme next week is "Quakers and Equality", so the chances are that some of my experience as a gay man will be relevant. But that won't be "telling " them, or "coming out" or anything, it will just be contributing to discussions from my own perspective, as I usually do.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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