|
|
|
|
ok I'm turning to all of you out there reading this hoping for any advice, personal insight/story or thought...
I have been in love with a good friend of mine for a bit over a year and a half now. He is straight (no doubt there). I have decided to come out to my friends but I am worried that if he knows I'm gay he'll notice how I act around him (without thinking it's just me being weird  ). I don't want to lose his friendship, it's too important to me all on it's own.
What I am asking, and hoping beyond hope, is for an idea of how to get over him
Just be
Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How to get over a person you can't have.
That's something you're going to have to figure out on your own I'm afraid, because while people are irrational enough on their own, a person's heart is even more irrational. It doesn't care if the one we love is unobtainable or not, it wants what it wants...!
Maybe you'll never get over him, who can say?
It might be easier to do it if you let yourself be attracted to other guys, someone you actually could have a shot at having. I think that would help.
Take care, alright?
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
|
 |
On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
|
|
|
Hey Gil-
Just a thought There is no 'off' switch when you care about someone. You just have to work with the fact that he isn't the one and quietly enjoy his friendship. Whatever it is in him that you love, begin to look for in others. Friends are a great treasure in their own right.
Good Luck {hug}
smith
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
|
|
On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
|
|
|
hey been there done that....sigh
you really asked 2 seperate questions....a) do i come out to him....and b) how do i get over him.
well as to comming out...only you know the type of guy he is and have any clue as to how he may handle your honesty. i know that i have guys that i work with and even socialize with that i wll never come out to...those are the cave men in my life...hehehe. i alos have guys and there wifes that i just knew it would be all good to come out to. this issue, sorry to say, is 100% your call.
now to getting over him.....well if you truly value him as a friend you dont want to get over him. i have been in love with friends and have had to learn deep in my heart that friends that i trust and value are a lot of times better than "relationship" like guys. i ask myself...is the possibilty of screwing up this great friendship worth a maybe? and in your case he is str8 and your not out to him.
so maybe you need to focus on comming out to him first and see how that goes. i hve a str8 friend who i was totally in love with a few years back, i told him of my feelings and he took it as a compliment. not all str8 guys are that open minded but some are.
oh well there is my 4 1/2 cents worth
big hug and dont worry your self in to a sad place over this.
the
timmer
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
First of all thanks for the moral support guys
The thing is, I will come out to my friends and I know that they will probably take it well (him included), but to have a gay friend is one thing to have one that has a crush on you is totaly diffrent. I care about our friendship too much to risk it with telling him I like him. But every time is see him I just... arrrrg...
I even tried staying away for a while but the minute I saw him again it all came back...sigh, on the bright side life is never dull with him around :/
(Hey smith heard about a pill that can help? )
Just be
Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
e
|
|
On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
|
|
|
I come out to four friends over the years. All of them were guys I had a crush on and all were straight, though I thought that a couple of them might be closeted. One has remained a friend, but it was very difficult for him at first. One simply rejected me and ended our friendship right away. The other two simply faded quickly from my life by their own choice. I haven't gotten over the loss of any of them, but I have moved on. It isn't easy taking a chance that could cost a friend and it hurts when they reject you.
Think good thoughts,
e
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
mt
|
 |
Toe is in the water |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 93
|
|
|
Other people’s experiences are not necessarily how it will go for you. It’s always either this or that so if you feel up to it then choose and observe what will happen. You won’t die in any case and pain (even though it’s pain) shapes us!
I’m sorry but that’s how I feel.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
|
|
On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
|
|
|
Gil,I too was in the same situation with my closest str8 friend
he was also a very intolerant gay basher, as in physically,after ten years of friend ship i felt it was time to be honest and decided to come out to him.
It was a matter of right time ,right place as to when to do it.
when i told him he nearly collapsed and then without a word went to his room so i left the hopuse to him and waited for two weeks and then he called me and asked if we could talk.
It was hard for him but our friendship meant more than sexual orientation.
we are still as close now as ever,if your friend is a good ojne then he to will understand, just givehim space after telling him and then the proof will be there for you as to his value to you.
Arthur
|
|
|
|
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
You've asked the eternal question, I think... 
Re: advice needed 
