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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Can you imagine growing up and getting to an age when such a choice would theoretically be possible, like choosing to be a fireman, and choosing to be gay?
I don't mean "Can you imagine yourself making that choice?"
I mean that, were it a choice, be gay or be str8, imagine choosing to be gay as the only sexual orientation you would ever have.
[Updated on: Wed, 06 February 2008 15:05]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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"Ah, that is a metaphysical speculation; and, like most metaphysical speculations, has no relationship to the actual facts of real life as we know them."
Oscar Wilde
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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But so many people say "Being gay is a choice" which is wy I wanted to raise it here.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Dear Timmy,
I can't imagine that if it had been a choice I would have chosen to be gay. But when I was discovering my orientation (I assume the choice would have been made then or before then) the disadvantages of being gay were much greater than they are now. But the disadvantages are still significant and I can't imagine my grandson or any of his friends saying "I want to be gay".
To some extent there *is* a choice because (in my opinion) most people are capable to some extent of being either (I wonder whether I'm begging the question here as it's not 'being' so much as acting the role of). I *think* I'm 90% gay but I must be a bit bi or how could I have been married and faithful for 45 years? And it isn't that I've been celibate either.
But I've said to you before that I couldn't wish to be someone else and the person I am is just as gay as me. And I don't think this is superficial in the way that, say, shyness is. A shy person can be made into a not-shy one by teaching, encouraging, example, motivating and so on. I think to some extent a stupid person can become a clever one by hard work and good teaching (if they can't all private schools are a con trick). I don't think sexual orientation is like that - I'm sure mine isn't as I thought I changed it (gave up being homosexual) 46 years ago and here I am.
I will be *very* surprised if even the youngest lurker on this site could honestly say "I'll choose to be gay". How can anyone know what it's like unless they have experience of it and how can anyone who is not gay get experience of it?
The thing is that it sounds like a sensible question. Just as it sounds plausible (to some people) to suggest you could be reincarnated as a different animal. For me it is a non-question.
But I bet there are other points of view. I might try exploring that with two acquaintances of mine who are trans-sexual. I find it really hard to understand how they could possibly want to be a different sex. In fact I can't. I don't understand it. I would have to be mad to want my penis cut off. But they did and maybe they will never regret the change they've made.
Well, Timmy, I am coming round to seeing what a hard question you asked.
Love,
Anthony
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Were I to live in a society more tolerant of homosexuality and bisexuality I would choose to be gay, or at least bi, with my sexual encounters being mostly with males.
I like sex. Sex with men is generally better because they know how to "work it". I guess by "choose to be gay or straight" you mean I have an equal attraction to either? At which point you can take either path? Or do you mean start with zero attraction and then choose to have some.
You see, this may be getting semantic but I think being gay is a choice. Not that you can choose who you are attracted to, but that you can choose how to act on your attraction. Celibacy isn't a nice option, so more and more guys attracted to guys choose to be gay. You can't choose your attraction, but you can choose your relationships.
In the Greek society men often chose to have relationships with both men and women. They were choosing to be bi. I'm not sure what their attraction was, probably bisexual.
It's a confusing question. Even now I'm only really gay because I like cock and men are easier to talk to. I could see myself trying to father a child in a different society. But in our society sexuality is pretty set... Sometimes I wish it was more fluid- I think if I had grown up with a more fluid attitude towards sexuality I'd be more inclined to bisexuality. Much like the Greeks.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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In my experience, the concept that being gay is a 'choice' stems from religious dogma. Believers in the bible (or even the Koran for all I know) are made to believe that God designed everyone as heterosexual. So, of course, those who aren't have obviously made a conscious choice to be gay. For the religious mindset to believe otherwise would invalidate their beliefs.
This is from the Schroder Sociology course 101*.
*non-accredited but donations gladly accepted.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Anthony is right. This is a non-question. What are you before the decision is made? If you are already gay, you are not making a choice or decision. If you are str8, you are unlikely to decide to change as most mentally healthy people have a desire to conform to the norm.
The nearest you can get to it like me is to realise you are gay - for me too late in life - and make a decision to enjoy your status.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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