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When my daughters were growing up and started to bring home boyfriends we told them that if they started to have sex before they were sixteen and they were found out there was some danger that social services would take them away from their parents - so don't do it or don't get caught. But once they were sixteen they could bring a boyfriend home and have him stay the night in their bed (if they really liked him that much). And we provided unlimited condoms. And one daughter was sixteen in 1982 and the other in 1983. And they did bring boyfriends home. And their choice of boyfriend was sometimes far from wise and they both have been divorced.
I don't take any credit for this - not the divorces, silly - (I do think it is creditable) because, as a father with daughters, I felt the urge to protect them. Sylvia persuaded me by reminding me how life was for us at sixteen, when the urges are strongest. It looked to both of us like a sexual desert with no hope of relief for years! And, for Sylvia, who didn't do national service in the navy with the opportunities that provided it was a ten year desert.
I don't know how things would have gone if we had behaved differently. As it was we had almost no teenage tantrums. Life stayed on an even keel and we stayed friends - and we all live within three miles now.
I don't know of any other parents who did this or would do it now. I haven't even asked my daughters whether they intend to do the same. Their eldest children are now both eleven, so it won't be long . . . .
And of course we would have done the same if either had been gay. I'm sure that no difference would be imposed on our grandchildren that depends on whether they are gay or straight or something else. There are lots of parents who do something like this in the stories on thise site. Are there any in real life?
Does anyone in this place of safety think we did wrong? What do you all think about it?
Love,
Anthony
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 19:39] |
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What an interesting concept. People not having children until they are adult enough to, hopefully, handle the responsibility. No unwanted, accidental pregnancies. Children actually growing up in households where they are wanted to parents that can afford to feed and clothe them.
The dance floor at the high school senior prom would look decidedly different than it does today though. And I doubt that the American Boy Scout Association could cope with it. They'd have to redefine the concept 'morally straight'. ::-)
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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I supose the answer as to the soundness of your action is if the now adult girls are happy and sexually content. Have you ever asked them how they felt then and how they feel now about your actions? Some children and young people feel their parents care and love them more if they are not too liberal and keep tighter control. I feel some of my family try to be friends and buddies with their children instead of parents. Their children are not plesent to be around. Thanksgiving dinner is about all I can take of them.
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>Their children are not plesent to be around. Thanksgiving dinner is about all I can take of them.
Agreed, Uncle Jim. I know a number of people's kids who would be better turned into Thanksgiving dinner. ;-D
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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We provided unlimited condoms as well. The instruction was "I don't care what you use them for, they're here in a bowl, and we'll refill it anyway. Just always check the expiry date and use water based lube." And we supplied sachets of that, too.
We also explained Sexual Health Clinics and the need to go (that's where we got the free condoms and lube from anyway!).
Kids need to be safe. That means that parents have a duty to remove the hardest hurdles. No child should get sick because they were too shy to get a condom.
Sexual morality is different. That's to do with real morality, the ability to choose what you do. It's just common sense to use condoms.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, Uncle Jim, we have.
And the answer is embarrassing. They think we are wonderful! Emily will be 42 this year and Alison 41. They each have two children of 11 and 9 and I expect them both to be as liberal as we were - but it depends to some extent on their partners. I await the time with interest.
And of course (notice the 'of course') if either has a child that is gay or lesbian or anything else they will be cool about it.
And I enjoy being with my grandchildren and their friends. They are polite and well behaved - and to be honest I like them to be a bit naughty.
Love,
Anthony
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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"I don't care what you use them for, they're here in a bowl"
Does that include inflating them and hitting them around the school bus?
That was my first encounter with a condom 
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Oh God... me too! ;-D I'd forgotten all about that. I was home alone and wandered into my parent's bedroom to get something. My Dad had left a box of condoms laying on his nightstand. (I imagine they generally went inside.) Being curious, I opened it and took one out. I managed to get the foil off of one and unwrapped it. Wow... a giant balloon! I inflated that sucker to huge proportions and then tied off the end. I then proceeded to bounce it around the house for awhile until I got bored and it drifted onto the couch. It was still there when my Mom got home with my aunt who had my girl cousins in tow. The two girls and I were happily bouncing the balloon around the living room until I heard my aunt shriek. Later on my Mom explained that they were my Dad's 'balloons' and they were expensive and I wasn't to play with them. And then I was told to stay the hell out of their bedroom. 
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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And inflating with helium and putting in someone's briefcase. Yes, of course.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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It's fitting them over the head, or better still over the head and nose and inflating them, that still appeals to my sense of humour. It used to keep the lads on the back seat of the coach on a school trip quiet for hours. Our part of the bargain was to pretend we hadn't noticed.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Dear Timmy,
You wrote:
"Sexual morality is different. That's to do with real morality, the ability to choose what you do. It's just common sense to use condoms."
Yes, morality is morality and sexual morality is just part of it and one uses the same criteria to distinguish between right and wrong. Was that what you meant when you said sexual morality is different? Or were you contrasting the use of condoms (as common sense) with some other aspect of sexual morality? If so which?
Can you understand my delight when you told us you provided condoms for your children too? Did you let them bring their girlfriends/boyfriends home to bed too?
Finding somewhere safe to do it is not easy before one leaves home and providing a safe place removes a good many dangers and some quite awkward pressures. And having it at home provides children with a reason not to get drunk or do drugs or fuck with strangers just for the hell of it.
But now I know of two of us (at least) who have treated our children like that. Do you know of any more?
Love,
Anthony
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Dear Uncle Jim,
I just asked Emily what she felt about it and she replied that she was going to do the same as we did and she said it's just the safest way to deal with all those problems. And she asked why I wanted to know and I told her about my contributions to this site and what I had told you about her. She's fine about it and says her husband will be too!
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Of course I let him bring his girlfriends home to bed. If he'd had boyfriends I would have been just as happy.
I have no idea who else has the same attitude, I am afraod.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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