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Hey everyone.
How are we all today? I'm fine. I've been watching videos on YouTube. It's what I pretty much do all day, when I don't feel like doing my chores.
It's snowing outside right now. It's pretty. Like a waterfall of snow. I wish I could capture it.
Let's face it. Everyone's got a dark side. I know I do. Not too proud of it, but it's there. And now matter how happy I am, it's still gonna be there. Everyone's got a dark part of them they wish they could erase. Just like how everyone's done things they wish they hadn't done.
No one in life is perfect. Perfection doesn't exist. So when you say someone's perfect, it's not true. Everyone has imperfections. It's a fact of life.
I'm listening to a song called Breathe Into Me, by a band called Red. It's a great song. I like it. I downloaded it this morning, cause I liked it. Hearing music on my MP3 player is the closest thing I can get to being at a concert. That's not the reason I listen to it though.
I have a lot of different moods and emotions, as I'm sure you all are aware from my past posts on the board here. The song I listen to goes with my mood. That's why I do it.
And I changed the song again. That's better.
What are you all doing right now? I'm enjoying my music and thinking, though I don't know what I'm thinking about.
I know that we all have friends, and people we're close to. Everyone does. But would the world be a better place if we didn't have friends? I'm not saying we should. I'm just wanting your opinion on this.
I know I'm not the smartest person out there, but I try to speak my mind, even if someone else doesn't like it. Is that wrong? I don't think so. You're free to say exactly what's on your mind, and no one else can stop you.
We're all human,(except for the animals) so we should all get along right? Okay sure. But eventally we all need some time to ourselves, to be alone for a bit. How come we get irritated? Because something's bothering us. Okay. So what is it about that thing that's bothering us? That's a really vague question if you ask me. There could be tons of things bothering us, that we don't want to talk about it. And of course, if someone pressures us into talking about it, we either say no, or talk about it anyway. Is that to avoid guilt? Or are we afraid that if we don't talk about it, we'll lose those around us?
Just something to think about.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Hi Josh,
I think if I had no friends I would be miserable. I've had a good day. My daughter's partner bought some new tyres for me and we took them and got them fitted on my car. Then I took him to get his car back after it was repaired. Back at his house my daughter was feeling under the weather but her children were glad to see me.
Then I went home and had lunch and read "A place of safety" and then went and played ping-pong for two hours. I finished the day editing a chapter of a gay story by Andrej Koymasky.
When I came home, after a bit more editing I helped Sylvia make supper and then we ate it and had a couple of glasses of nice wine with it.
I haven't listened to any music today, which is unusual. But when I do it's always classical - obviously not your taste or that of most people. I'm surprised that when you are thinking you say you don't know what you are thinking about. Maybe I am mistaken in saying I usually do know.
I suppose people that are introspective may be more aware and the extroverts less aware. I think it is only the extroverts that can live unaware of their sexuality and have a sudden awakening years after puberty.
But I think gay people are more self aware than others - on the whole. What do you think?
Love,
Anthony
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You've asked an interesting question Anthony.
By self-aware, I assume you mean about one's sexuality. I think you're right. I think most gay people would know if they were gay or not, though they may show no signs of it at first, as I have.
The way I ['came out'] I told my parents through letters. That's how I communicate with them, since I can't outwardly tell them what I'm thinking. And I always am concentrated in what I write. I don't show any happy expression on my face when I'm writing, even if I am happy. That's just not how I am.
The reason I put came out in brackets is because I still don't know what my sexuality is at this point, and I consider that irrelevant. My sexuality doesn't define who I am.
I hope I've answered your question.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Josh said:
" The reason I put came out in brackets is because I still don't know what my sexuality is at this point, and I consider that irrelevant. My sexuality doesn't define who I am."
Josh, I have read the same response a few times from Deej. He seems to have a very good grasp on who he is and seems quite content about it.
So it would seem that you are in quite good company. I suspect others feel the same.
~aqua-chan~
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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Dear Josh,
No not just sexuality - all sorts of other things. Do you like swimming? How do you feel if you go with someone to a football match or other sporting event? Do you like spectating? For example my father, as a great treat, took me to watch a county cricket match at Lords cricket ground. I realised then that cricket is a really boring game and not at all fun to watch. I've never been to another game. Same with football- I went to one game and decided that the other spectators were (mostly) so unpleasant that I didn't enjoy it. I've never been again.
What is it about the music you like that makes you like it? What do you think about the 'moral' instruction you get from clergy, teachers, parents and so on?
What do you think about other people - every one is different?
When I was 17 what I wanted to do more than anything else was to find out what I really thought about the world to understand the basis for saying something is good and other things not good and is it the same for people?
And you are certainly right that it is hard (probably impossible) to know what one's sexuality is until you've had a good deal (and variety) of experiences. I'd go as far as to say I was between 25 and 30 before I thought I *knew*.
And so, with that mindset you can understand why I wanted to read philosophy at university. And how, when I was in bed with Peter I would wonder whether, if he were a girl, I would marry him.
And I think I am well over on the introverted side of the scale and more self-aware than most!
And following your feelings and the truth as you appreciate it doesn't usually lead you to adopt conventional beliefs or attitudes and so for most of my life I've not admitted to what I really think (at least not in conversations in the pub) - but with people in bed it was a different matter: there I could let my hair down and be honest, even brutally honest.
Gosh - what an essay! Forgive me for going on so.
Love,
Anthony
[Updated on: Sat, 23 February 2008 10:42] |
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