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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I'm not sure if I was stupid yesterday or just silly. I did something I've been wanting to do for ages. I got into my car and drove a round trip of 180 miles, all for nothing.
Some of you know that I'm writing about my schooldays in a format I hope will be published in book form by a mainstream publisher. I started on 17th July, had a 3 month break around my mother's death, and lost momentum. The book starts on 5th August 1965, and I'm currently at 6th July 1967. It's intended to get to December 1970 and then end.
It's about me, as a diary of my days at school, in obsession. And it's true, though dramatised in parts.
Anyway I ran dry on inspiration. So I did something I used to do as a kid. Went for a drive past the house the boy I so wanted to be my boyfriend lived in. Only this time it was 90 miles away.
I've never been there before. I was not going to knock! He lives in what appears to be a great and prosperous suburb of Bristol, in a beautiful house. Somehow I imagined it would be like it was. Awesome location, great building, and unkempt and tatty at the edges. How odd that is also how I have always imagined him to be at 56. He was just a little tatty at the edges at 13, too.
The house was empty. I knew it would be. He was at work and so was his wife.
The trip was not the huge waste it seems. Inspiration is back.
The story isn't going to see the light of day on the site here.
Sorry I was in Bristol without seeing if you wanted to meet up, Anthony. Was very much a spur of the moment thing.
[Updated on: Thu, 06 March 2008 14:54]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Dear Timmy,
Well I do understand but it is still a pity. There are so few of the people here that I'd ever get the chance to meet in the flesh and I'd like to meet everyone. I'm in the phone book, with two numbers! (the first is the business line I had taken out ten years ago).
I would have given you something to eat and a place to rest outside the car before the drive back. Another time, maybe. I'm just over half a mile from the city centre here.
But I don't know which bit of Berkshire I'd need to go to to return the compliment.
Love,
Anthony
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 19:37] |
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Well, this is not a location I am writing about, but yes, we do need a spur.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I think I was 20 yards from your front door! I was in Hampton park.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, Auburn Road makes a T with Hampton Park at one end and with Woodland Terrace at the other.
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You're not the only one who's done that Timmy. At one time I frequented all my old childhood haunts.
I know he's moved and is married now. We occasionally get in contact though not person to person anymore. Actually I think I prefer to remember him as he was.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I kind of just want to know that he's happy, has a good life, and do that iver a lunch that I buy.
I expect he's fat and bald, but that doesn't matter.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, Mike,
Me too! I lived in eight different houses before I was ten, in Newcastle-under-Lyme, Wembley Park, Beaconsfield, Dudley, Belsize Park, Hulme End (Derbyshire) Evesham, Edgeware. I've been back to visit them all.
I was told that I'd find they were very different from my memory of them - especially those from before I was five - but they were wrong and I found that the atmosphere of each place was as I remembered.
But all this was well before sexual awakening which didn't really happen with me until I had left school.
Anthony
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I fell in love with him my first day in Junior High School. I became his friend so that I could be near him as much as possible. I never told him of my feelings for him but I believe he guessed them. At least he didn't shun me because of them but I was afraid he might if I were to bring it out into the open. So I yearned silently. In High School he went on to dating and I knew that my secret fantasies about us were just that... fantasies.
I rarely went back to the hometown after moving away. Things changed so rapidly - his house, my house, our schools... all gone. The town erased my memories. I didn't like seeing the many changes and the reminders that he had moved on. I used to visit him from time to time through the photos in my old yearbooks. I stopped doing that because it was painful. I'm sure he went on to become a successful man and a father and grandfather. I never contacted him because I didn't want to know about that part of his life. I just wanted to remember the parts that we shared together. I don't know that you can ever get over that first love.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Dear Paul,
Am I lucky or unlucky. I fell in love in my first term at university when I was 20 and it was unrequited but he went on being friends. [When I told him I loved him he just told me not to be silly]. He was so nice it was hard to bear. We spent a lot of time together and stayed with each other in each other's parents houses and in our second year we agreed to take adjacent rooms. I doubt whether I've ever lived for a year since then without seeing him. He and I both have two children but his have had a hard life.
He is still nice to me. We are still friends and occasionally he has stayed here and Sylvia and I have stayed there.
Life is strange. But I think if he asked me to go to bed with him I would and we are both 73. What a confession.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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First love stays with you for ever
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I guess Im really lucky because my first love is my lover. I dont knoiw what the future will be, but I cant ever see being with anyone but him.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I hope he feels the same, and that everything goes right to make it all work for you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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