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ProfZodiac
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 115
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I spent a good part of yesterday reading the most recent of Jamie's stories, Darkfall. As is frequent to happen when I begin any story of his, I become enraptured in the plotline and find it difficult to walk away without finishing what I've started. I've read the entirety of the JHS saga two or three times.
At any rate, I thought I'd offer some thoughts to Jamie and the rest of the community to agree/disagree/throw off topic.
Positive comments:
1. I have always, always enjoyed Jamie's structure in his prose. The flow is solid despite numerous uses of flashback or introspection, and that's not an easy thing to accomplish. I expect he knew right from the start where he was going to go with the story, perhaps to the point of outlining each chapter, and he stuck to it rigidly, to great effect.
2. His character development, in terms of creating predictable habits in his main and most secondary characters, is superb. Their actions make sense in the context of the events that surround them, and in the greater context of the previous exposure the reader has to similar situations.
3. The use of various symbols throughout the story creates a sentimentality with the reader that compels him to continue to read and search for more examples. The use of the hawk, while slow in the middle, picked up again near the end and helped propel the action.
4. Jamie's treatment of sex in the scenes is with something just short of reverence, but not to the point of abstinence and holding the act on an unnecessary pedestal. It doesn't just randomly happen between two characters, but it's not reserved strictly for special occasions, either, and I think it's a fair and somewhat realistic perception of it.
Critical comments:
1. It's very black and white. I've noticed this in more than one story of Jamie's - there is good, and there is evil, but there is very, very seldom anything in between. Even in situations where a character travels from one to the other, the transition is made in the snap of a finger. Callie, for instance, on seeing Wes and Cole in the cave, instantly becomes a villain, and gets further and further afield from reality as the story continues to progress. This can work in some scenarios - the characterization of Karl Sr. is believable in his fundamentalist fervor, but Karl Jr. and Callie were too bad to be believable for me.
2. I feel as if I need to brush my teeth sometimes after reading one of these stories. I know that it's part of the point of the site, to provide stories and examples, true or false, of successful loving relationships between boys, and later, men. But the romanticism bestowed upon 14 year-olds comes across as idealistic and fantasized. And again, I understand that reality must be suspended to some degree when reading any story on this site, but I get this vibe particularly from these stories. But I almost get a slight and temporary depression after completing Darkfall or JHS that I don't and likely won't have any sort of relationship like the protagonists do.
3. The dialogue, while frequently spot-on in its depiction of the attitudes of whatever age it portrays, is sometimes contrived or forced. For example, I expect that by the age of five or six, most if not all children speaking English as their first language have at least a decent sense of the conjugation of the verb "to be". The children (and when I say children, I mean less than 8 years old) tend to speak below their intelligence level, and the adult protagonists often speak above it. Scenes have the ability to become entirely conversation-driven, and some of what's said is just not realistic. This relates, I suppose, to my last point, but I still contest that 22 and 23 year old men would not have long, drawn-out, highly romantic assertions of love when challenged by their partners. They might think it, and maybe even if they've stepped back and prepared what they wanted to say, say it, but I doubt that extemporaneous speech would be so complex.
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All of that said, the story was, as usual, riveting, and I offer my sincere congratulations on another job well done. I will say that I would wish for JHS to reach some sort of conclusion, but I understand that there's not much left to say with respect to that one.
All the best.
Adam
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Jamies stories are some of the best I have ever read. His writting is of the calibre that if he wrote a novel I believe he could get it published. I think the main point is that he brings his characters to life.
You are right in most of what you said, but I disagree with one point. In your critical comments paragraph 2, it seems you take exception to boys having loving relationships. With the help of a good friend (forever thankful Jon)I was able to have a loving and romantic relationship with my best friend. The day I found out that he loved me as much as I loved him, he had me pinned to the couch and looked down at me and said,"Life is a long walk, will you walk it with me?". We have had 100 arguments and one major disagreement, but after all is said and done we love each other and Jeff asked me to marry him. I really got the impression that you dont believe that romance and real love are possible for younger kids. You are so wrong. I know several kids who have fallen in real love and are trying to work thru the tangles. Were starting earlier. Were not sexually ignorant like it was 30 years ago. I think you would be supprised at how many younger Kids are looking for romance in their lives and not just a quick lay. Yeh sex is great, but whats even better is laying on the floor with your lover and just holding each other while you watch a movie.
After all this it probably doesnt make any sense at all. But at any rate, Jamie is an awsome writter and I hope he will keep writting. Jamie, I hope you will find the love of your life. I hope you will always be able to write and keep all us kids hoping for romance and real love. and most of all
THANK YOU
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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Oh yes, Curtis,
I do agree with you Jamie is the best and people nowadays aren't so naive as we used to be. They are capable of more and earlier than we used to be. I, at least am amazed at what you can do and frankly I am jealous of you. I wish I could have had what you seem to have.
But nobody is perfect, even Jamie, and it is really interesting to read careful and non-destructive criticism of such stories.
And, Curtis, I really really echo your good wishes for Janie and I think I am as grateful for his work as you are.
And I hope you will be able to look back (as I can) after 46 years together and not regret a minute of it (whatever else you wanted).
Love,
Anthony
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ProfZodiac
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 115
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...and I'll keep that in mind, but I'll note that it's Jamie's work alone that makes me feel compelled to respond. I refrained from doing so with JHS or any of the other series he's put together because, in the case of JHS it technically remains a work in progress, and with the other stories, they were rather outdated by the time I came across them. I hope my implication in responding solely to this story with any sort of criticism is clear; it is one of the only ones I respect enough to judge in this capacity.
I understand your hesitation to allow literary review, but if we're to permit a serialized story posted on the board, countless poems and elegies, there has to be some leeway given to actual feedback. "Woo, way to go, I love it" isn't helpful, even if it's a nice ego-stroke.
At any rate, I think it would be imprudent to defend my commentary, but rather, I'll let it stand as it is.
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My post was not a criticism of your post and I had no intentions of you having to defend what you said. I just wanted to point out that the kids growing up now are looking for romance and are very capable of having meaningful and romantic relationships. I know what Cole and Wes had to be feeling because I have felt it myself. I love Jeff with all my heart and I love him even more each day. I just wanted to say that when we read the stories we can feel the need for romance and the need for real love in our lives.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have no objections at all. I just wanted to keep our "tone" different from so many other boards. I understand exactly (probably) why you were moved to post, too.
The poems and serialised tale(s) here? To be fair I found those odd, at first, but they are an articulate call for "help" from the poster, almost certainly not intended to have literary merit, though they often do. So I choose, currently, to appear to have a double standard and to let them pass without concern.
I agree with you, too, that a series of "Wow, what a wonderful story" posts would be rather pathetic and pointless (ok, my words, not yours).
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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I think I enjoyed Darkfall the most out of all of Jamie's stories, rather than finding the need to critic, I enjoyed his descriptions of the land and the "Native American" flavor he seems to bring into the story.
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