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Here's Chapter 7 to my story. I hope you all like it.
~Josh~
Chapter 7
I was in my class, thinking about how words never change. They always hurt, even if you shrug it off, like I just did. I pretend it doesn’t hurt, but the words they say stay with me forever.. It’ll never change..
Class was boring. All I could think about was Daren, though that didn’t brighten up my spirits any. Even if I was with him, I was still alone in the world. It would never change. Perhaps in some part of my mind, I didn’t want it to change. Life was so simple. I was a youngster, begging to be set free from this daily life I had led. Though no one cared. I wasn’t even sure if Daren really cared about me.. That hurt me, the deepest hurt possible.. This feeling, once of love, was now of confusion, turning into hatred.. It tore at my heart, making me want to scream out the deaf world that lied before me. This, was a world that I created.
I wanted friends, and someone to love, but the truth was, I was already gone away. It happened that morning…
I remember getting ready for school that morning. Sarah and Ryan were also getting ready. The phones kept ringing, and the calls from random people wouldn’t stop. Perhaps that’s the reason why I slowly came to have different thoughts. Sure, I was your average 14 year old, but something changed. I wasn’t alone anymore. It wasn’t the fact that I met Daren. I had, changed somehow. Perhaps life wasn’t as boring as I had made it seem. The time had come to go to the bus stop, so as usual, I left with Sarah and Ryan.
‘Kyle, you seem different.’ Sarah said to me.
‘How do you mean?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know. Something just seems different about you,’ she said with a smile.
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘I don’t think I’ve changed too much,’ I said.
‘I think you have. You’re more open now.’
‘Hmm.’ I said, thinking to myself.
At that moment, I thought to myself. Had I really changed? Was this a good thing? Or was it a bad thing? Well regardless, perhaps I truly was happy. I thought about it, and it seemed like a good feeling. I smiled as the three of us walked to the bus stop.
When we got there, Daren walked up to me, like he was waiting for me. He \\kissed me again. I was open to the thought, so I kissed him back. We talked for a few minutes while we waited for the bus to come.
‘You look good this morning.’ He said to me.
‘Thanks. So do you.’ I said, smiling.
‘Thanks,’ he said taking my hand. ‘So I was thinking. Would you like to come to my house tonight? My parents will be there, so you can meet them if you want to.’
I thought about it. It didn’t seem that bad of an offer, so I accepted. ‘Sure. I’d like that.’
‘Cool.’ Daren said, smiling at me. I blushed and squeezed his hand in happiness.
‘You know,’ Ryan said, ‘The kid’s changed.’
Sarah agreed. ‘He sure has. I’m glad for him. He’s happier.’
‘Yeah. I’m glad. He’s a good kid.’
‘Yes he is.’ Sarah smiled at Ryan.
‘Okay you guys. Let’s get going.’
The bus had come, so the four of us got on together. Things were looking happier already.
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I had no idea we were in for a saga.
Josh, while I never really "noticed" the poems, the stories kind of need to either be submitted to me for publication (currently not ready, the chapters are too short among other things, so please think that through first) or sent to folk by email, please, if they want to see more.
I don't really want the board to be a story location, please.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hi Timmy.
It's perfectly fine. I'll post the links on another site, then give the links here so people can read it if they want to. Thanks for replying. I'll submit the chapters to you if I make the chapters longer.
And it's perfectly fine. Thanks again.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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That's cool. I most assuredly don't want to discourage you from writing. I've never done that with anyone. It's just that I want to bring us back towards our original purpose. 
If there is any advice you would like from me, email me and ask with pleasure. I have my opinions, you have yours and others have theirs.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Right!
Out of curiosity, how could I make my chapters longer? Personally, I think thats a silly question but I'd like your advice on that, if you don't mind.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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After this, let's go to email.
While a chapter is intended to hold a single sequence of thoughts or events, it is generally expected to take 5-10 or more print pages. It usually links to the previous chapter, and usually also into the next one.
Multiple very short chapters are often, but not always, a misunderstanding of the function of a chapter division; they are often sections within a chapter instead of a whole chapter.
Lengthening a chapter does not mean "pad it out". Instead it means "develop the theme and allow the reader to learn more about the situation being written about". This may be done by character development, or scenario development.
Put nothing in that is not needed, but put everything in that is needed.
I am being deliberately vague, because I am suggesting generic techniques. I'm not going to get into critiquing your tale in any way here I just hope it helps you a little, for now or for the future.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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It does help. Thanks for your advice. I'll be sure to email you.
~Josh~
EDIT: Timmy, I sent you an email to this address:
its_onlyme@iomfats.org
was that the right one to send it to?
~Josh~
[Updated on: Mon, 07 April 2008 15:18]
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Dear Josh,
Please include me among those that want to read more.
Love,
Anthony
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