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Hi everyone.
It's me again. The time's 1:20AM. I've recently been watching a youtube video on Child Abuse Prevention. After watching it, I've taken it upon myself to raise awareness about Child Abuse. So here I am, telling you all. I was abused by my father for two years (from what I remember,) and endured physical and verbal, as well as emotional abuse from my dad. I hate him for that. The worse part is, he tells me, he doesn't remember any of it. Anyway. I'll give you all a link to the video, so you can watch it if you want to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV56J2LYqyg
I hope the world will change someday...
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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your preaching to the choir...
i kno the exact tune you be singing
your not the only one
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Hi Jordan.
Thanks for replying. Child Abuse is a topic that I feel very strongly for. I believe it's wrong, and should be stopped. I get emotional when I think of how many kids these days are abused. It hurts me, knowing there's nothing I can do about it.
Kids are not toys! by any means. And any form of abuse towards children is uncalled for and disgusting...
*hugs*
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Dear Josh,
The video says there is no way of stopping child abuse. I agree that it is dreadful. The question is what should we do?
The main answer I would give is to increase the chances that the next generation will be nice to each other by bringing up children well.
The second thing is to tell everybody how to recognise child abuse and encourage people to compare the way they are brought up with their schoolfellows and how they bring up their children with other parents and grandparents and when these converations lead people to suspect abuse to talk about it and get the whole community to watch for the signs.
It's another example of the old saying that for tyranny to flourish all that is necessary is that good men should do nothing.
For child abuse to flourish all that is necessary is for people that know the children should feel that they shouldn't interfere or enquire about it and if the children don't recognise when they are being abused and feel that they mustn't ever tell.
But how can this ever happen. What children would accuse their parents? What society could provide adequate care for children taken from their parents?
It's a problem whose solution depends on more courage and honesty and effort and public spirit and willingness to care for others than I think society as a whole is willing to produce.
It makes me sad, but what can one do?
The New Labour government sets a target when children will not be brought up in poverty in 2012. What sort of target is that? The answer is that it is one that they think is *really* unimportant. And so do the people that voted them into power. Ugh!
Love,
Anthony
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Dear Anthony.
I think the chances that abuse will ever stop are very very low. Where does it come from? What prompts one person to abuse another? The answer, I don't know, and it's a sad thing.
So apparently, 2012 is the target date huh. What bullshit. As long as there's people who are assholes, and theres a lot of them, abuse will never stop. That's the harsh, but true reality of the world.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Why parents become abusive is one of the questions that just doesnt seem to have an answer. Even today I have no idea why my dad hates me, all I know is that he will never love me and I cant love him or allow him in my life.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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John..
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: March 2008
Messages: 56
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Hi josh,
I do feel for you and your version of abuse although, correct needs to be reflected on.
Some parents go through so many problems with in there lives and bringing up children, stop and think, your a young dad never had any thing to look after accept for your self, then a child arrives and things are so different.
then you have for example money problems, and you start to argue, and the child listens to to problems, that he shouldnt have heard in the first place and the problems start, the seed is planted for insecurity.
and it grows in the childs mind .
yes some kids are abused badly i am just saying that the word abuse can be used wrongly.
This is a powerfull subject but should be taken in a realistic manner.
every parents has abused there kids in some way, but it was not on purpose.
i bet your dad would be so unhappy at what you have said, unless he is an abuser.
you still live with your parents so i dont think he is that bad.
Josh if you are abused then move out and then move on
i bet in ten years when you have moved on you will think back and think wow my da was a well cool guy. but if he is get out now.
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Why parents become abusive is one of the questions I've wrestled with for the past thirty or forty years. I'm pretty sure that I know why my own father did (other parents may well be different, of course), but this might help understanding some possible reasons:
firstly, he genuinely thought it was for my own good - he'd been brought up (as a strict Baptist) to believe that men must behave in certain rather rigid ways, and hadn't yet understood that the world didn't work like that any more - if it ever did.
secondly, there was a part of him that was rebelling against his Baptist upbringing, and the effort of suppressing that side of him lead to severe anger management issues, which expressed themselves in abuse of his kids and spouse, and some bullying at work
Thirdly, the fact that his kids - and I in particular - displayed feelings, emotions and actions that he had suppressed in himself (in order to appear a "good" boy to his own parents) aroused a massive feeling of jealousy, that we could "have" a freedom he'd never felt he had.
As so often, the roots of abusive behaviour often lie in the abuser themselves having been abused in the past. This does not condone or excuse their behaviour, but might help make it understandable. And it points out very clearly that helping kids, adolescents, and adults work through their own experiences of abuse has massive benefits not only immediately, but for the future generations that they in turn will help raise. There is no magic way of stopping child abuse ... but I sincerely believe that this is the best possible way of reducing it.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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I live with my step-dad John. I don't know where my real dad is right now. I call my step-dad my dad, because he's a real father to me.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It is very easy to resent a child. The child stops you from having your own life. If you did not wish for a child in the first place it is easier still to see how physical abuse might explode. Even a loved and wanted child can be resented at times.
Sexual abuse of your child I cannot understand, nor rationalise in that way. Even of you can explain physical abuse to yourself as "discipline", you cannto explain sexual abuse as "love".
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I wrote something a while back when my mom was crying. It said: "Love does not hurt." It's a simple phrase, but I still believe it to be true. Loving someone shouldn't hurt you. If you love someone, I believe you should nurture and care for the child. Sexual abuse is not love. To love someone, means not to hurt them. That's what I think anyway.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Talking through our troubles together does indeed help the healing process. Thanks for sharing NW. *hugs*
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Nothing can ever heal what my father did. The broken bones and the bleeding and the heart attack will all heal, but the memory of what he did never will. I wish I could point to one thing and say thats why, but I cant. I had an older brother who died. He was treated like the greatest thing since sliced bread, but that love wasnt pased down to me.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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we have learned from some american psychoanalyst{a student of freud]whose name i cant remember becuz my head hurts right now
he said we are products of our choices and our environment
as were our parents before us and so forth...
so it is now our responsibility to change how we act towards our kinds or adoptive kids {eventually atleast for me]
we must teach them that abuse is wrong and to love them utterly
ps... i remembered his name William James
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Do you remember that poem by Philip Larkin
"They fuck you up, your mum and Dad
"They don't mean to but . . . "
It seems to me that the worst harm is done by people with rigid views about the way things OUGHT to be and that these ideas are held to be beyond question (and are often based on some religion).
I think that people that trust their feelings and are nice to people (and abandon harsh beliefs when they clash with that) may learn to do better than their parents.
There are too many people who think that being good requires one to do what god says (that is, what the clergy SAY god says). How can anyone know?
Being good is being nice to other people and trying to avoid doing them harm.
Love,
Anthony
[Updated on: Thu, 10 April 2008 08:12] |
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According to my Father, who sees a great deal of child and spousal physical and sexual abuse in his practice, the real problem is that only about ten percent of children who are abused ever report it. Given the national statistics for those reporting such tragedies, the unreported total is staggering.
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John..
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: March 2008
Messages: 56
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Hi Josh,
My father committed suicide when I was about 18 months old.
My mother remarried very quickly to a man 14 years older than her, I think she married a man she didn't love but needed security for her two children. She then had two other children by my stepfather. My mother used to abuse me as a young child , she would beat me with a cane, and I would have big stick marks on my body, I hated her for that.
When I was older I realised the reason she beat me was partly because I was naughty but also be cause she was angry that my dad had ended his life, she had lost a lot ,like the house and the person she loved.
So I think even to this day she took her anger out on me.
I will say Josh that I have never intentionally hurt my kids ,they have never been smacked, but our marriage did go through a rocky patch some 20 years ago and I have not doubt it hurt my kids emotionally. That's why I say we don't do it intentionally, even my mum she was hurt from the death of my father.
But I will say that I was never close to my mum throughout my life because of her jealousy of me and my children, I do now realise it was because I have the life that she so wanted with my dad, but we denied it.
Oh my step dad was a great guy and I looked to him as my dad, and still do even though he has passed on.
Just my story.
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Abusers count on the fact that their spouses or children will be too frightened to come forward. The abused also fear the humiliation or embarrassment of having other people know. And children often prefer the hell that they know to some unknown such as state or foster care. They may love one parent and not want to be removed from their custody in order to get away from the other parent. Or, they may be attached to siblings and don't want to feel responsible for splitting the family up. Abusers play on all these fears with great success. And, unfortunately, there are plenty of state and welfare horror stories to back up these fears as well. It's a system that needs an overhaul from the ground floor.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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