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For those who are from North Carolina, or those who still live here, or those who have have traveled here, and for those who plan to travel through here in the future...
North Carolina ROAD RULES!!
First, you must learn to pronounce the State’s name. It is “Nawthcahlinah”
Second, be sure your horn is working, loud and strong. You never know when you might need to “give ‘em the horn.”
Next, if you plan on driving in urban areas and if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. Outside urban areas, the maps issued anytime after 1931 are still usable. This is roughly the year when we "started t'git serious" about paving the roads.
If you live near Charlotte and your map is one day old, it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. The Old North State has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray," “Give ‘em the horn!” and “Dontya giv me t’horn y'damned Yankee!”
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in The Tarheel State. We all drive like that! Get over it, get used to it.
All directions in Raleigh start with "Naw, git yo’self up on 440 then…"
All directions in Charlotte start “Well, take 485 ‘till y’git to…”
All directions on the Outer Banks start “Arfter y’all cross ‘at bridge up air…”
The morning rush hour is from 5 a.m. to 11 a.m. in all areas, except on the Outer Banks where nobody rushes about anything.
The evening rush hour is from 1 p.m. to 7 p.m. in all areas, except on the Outer Banks.
Be aware that no drivers on earth are slower than North Carolina construction workers going TO work, and no drivers are faster than those same workers going home FROM work.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning during daylight savings time. It starts earlier in the morning the closer you get to the Atlantic coast, until you actually get within sight of the Ocean, and then everything goes into a time warp and gets slower. On the Outer Banks time can either stand still or sometimes reverse.
On the Outer Banks if you need auto repairs, try not to. “So, when do you think you can repair my radiator?” “Ah, well, ta’marrah sometimes, yeah, ta’marrah.” Keep in mind the Outer Banks Time Differential, and that “tomorrow” might mean any time within the following four weeks, unless the sea bass start running, and then “tomorrow” means a slightly longer wait.
West of Asheville if you need auto repairs, try not to. "So, what do think is the matter with my car?" "Ah, well, we'uns think it's them sparker plugs. Yep, it's them sparker plugs what's most reg'ler the pro'lem in these here green color cars, ain't that right Orville? But don't worry none on account of me an' Orville got t'parts on order fer ya." West of Asheville having "parts on order" is a sly way of detaining you so that you will patronize local businesses.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. Worse, you’ll “get the horn” the ultimate Tarheel insult.
When you are the first one on the starting line at a light, count to five when the light turns green before moving ahead to avoid crashing with all five of the drivers who are running the red light in cross-traffic.
However, if you don't go as soon as it turns green, you will “get the horn,” and be cussed out.
Construction on all Interstates is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment for North Carolinians.
Nobody in the State can explain why Interstate 74 also becomes Interstate 73, and then ends abruptly at Candor. Please don’t ask us about this because doing so will embarrass us.
All unexplained sights and happenings are explained by the phrase, “Yeap, wall y’all knows we in Nawthcahlinah”
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
Korean, Chinese and drivers from other Asian nations so not understand “the horn,” and “givin’ ‘em the horn” will confuse them, cause them to slam on the brakes, and you’ll get the blame for the accident.
All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks have the right of way. Period! This is especially true on Sunday mornings in urban areas, and at all hours in rural areas. Blue haired old ladies must never, under any circumstances, "get the horn." This is because all blue haired old ladies belong to a secret network, and if you give one of them the horn, be assured that two weeks later your grandmother will inquire "Why was you a'bein' so rude to Miss Lenolia on the road t'other day, ain't you been raised up no better?"
And the same goes for all old men wearing hats!!!
Any road might mysteriously change its name as you cross an intersection.
If you see any road kill on the highway pavement, try to “take a’ right good aim at it” and run over it some more. This helps to flatten the remains, spreads them out, and then the rain can wash them away faster. North Carolina road crews are notoriously averse to "picking up dead things.”
If asking directions in Charlotte or Durham, you must know how to speak Korean, Hindi or Chinese. This is especially true the closer you get to a hospital or university complex.
If in downtown Raleigh, ebonics will be your best bet for direction requests. Generally speaking, the indigenous population in downtown Raleigh has absolutely no clue where you want to go and so as not to seem ignorant will invent elaborate directions for your entertainment.
If you stop to ask directions in Asheville... well, don't. People out there are snooty, and expect you to know where you’re going if you’re visiting their city, and if you don’t know where you’re going they expect you to be intelligent enough to purchase and read a map.
Traveling west from Asheville on any type of highway or road, remember that commercial traffic has the right of way. Remember the little ditty… “Uphill slow and downhill fast, tonnage first and safety last!”
A trip across the State on Interstate 95 (north to south) will take a minimum of six hours, although the Interstate does have, on occasion, more than one lane open, but never on holiday weekends.
The minimum acceptable speed on any Interstate is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissified and you’ll “get the lights” and maybe even “get the horn.”
The minimum acceptable speed for fire apparatus and other emergency vehicles is 95 miles an hour. Most fire apparatus in the Old North State is equipped with at least eight headlights, a minimum of eighty red and white flashing lights, two sirens, quintuple air horns and a bell, and drivers like to get their money’s worth out of all these appliances. Speeds increase when the firefighters are “makin’ a pizza run ‘cause we’s hongry.”
Interstate highway driving is our daily version of NASCAR.
If you drive to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the “Campus Lot.” Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7,500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.
If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during any college game, run over him. It's probably not his yard, anyway.
Welcome to Nawthcahlinah!
Y'all come back nah, y'heah?
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:12] |
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Its true.........people in NC are related to people in Tennessee.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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In Israel it is well known that the definition of a split second is the time that elapses from when the light turns to green and the guy behind you toots his horn.
"The minister of transport most respectfully requests, if it does not inconvenience you too much, that you consider the possibility of halting if the traffic signal is red. Thank you in advance for your kind cooperation."
NEVER give way! Who the hell does he think he is anyway?
What's the best thing to do when the intersection is gridlocked? Do what everyone else is doing: toot your horn.
Read my thoughts: I'm going to turn left. Or maybe right.
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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I know this is an older thread donny
but they all held true
especially since my dad's car broke down in Kitty Hawk
did you know
there are no service stations that can fix a car on the outer banks
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