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yusime
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Location: United States
Registered: April 2008
Messages: 195
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My aunt has redeveloped breast cancer and my sister's girlfriend is undergoing treatment for cancer as well. Talk about being powerless to affect a situation. The only power I have that I know of right now is the ability to tell them I love them. I don't like being powerless to do anything. It looks like I don't have much of a choice.
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake since for him a spinal cord would suffice. Albert Einstein
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JimB
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Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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You're right Pat, unless you are a doctor or researcher you don't have much of a choice. But don't underestimate your efforts, the love and support you give them is very important. The difficulties they face in dealing with their problems and the treatment involved are very daunting and the love and support they receive from family and friends is very helpful.
JimB
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Pat, Jim is right. When Mark developed cancer all I could do is be there for him and help him thru the worst parts and love him. That means more than you realize.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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John..
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: March 2008
Messages: 56
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Hi
im so sorry to here your bad news.
My sister in law had breast cancer, and is in remission.
my other sister inlaw has stomach cancer,and is in kemo now.
I am amazed at the sucsess rates for cancer treatment nowdays, they have come on in leaps and bounds.
A few years ago it would all be over for the individual, but not so today.
But people die and the new born arrive, and that is life, we all live a lot longer than our forfathers did.
I do feel for you and your sister inlaw.
In time they will fit new parts to us but how long do we want to live really, all we can ask if for a full life. im not makeing a judgement just saying as things flow into my mind of all the people that i have known who didnt have a chance at a littel extra life.
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unsui
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Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:11] |
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It is a good thing to do, and powerful
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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yusime
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: April 2008
Messages: 195
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How do I support them without making myself appear as though it is out of pity for their situation? My parents actually think I don't care. My aunt and my sister's gf already have many people feeling sorry for them. I don't want to add myself to that list. There just doesn't seem to be anything more I can do for now.
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake since for him a spinal cord would suffice. Albert Einstein
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yusime
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: April 2008
Messages: 195
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I do appreciate the support thanks.
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake since for him a spinal cord would suffice. Albert Einstein
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JimB
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Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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Pat, without knowing the particulars of their lives I can only share with you the thoughts that your post created in my mind.
What are their needs? Do they have any that others are not already taking care of? Such as transportation, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn; the everyday things that they may not be able to do because of the illness or therapy.
It isn't necessary to offer your help directly to your aunt or sister's gf; you can offer it to those who are doing things for them.
Explain to your parents your uncertainty and ask them what they think you should do.
Whatever you do, do it with a smile on your face. Give them a hug when you see them, if it wouldn't be out of character; and quietly let them know that you know it is a difficult time for them and ask them if you can be of help.
It is important that you be yourself. It's likely that a lot of people are acting differently and showing the pity they feel; and you're right, they don't need that.
I hope these thought help a little.
JimB
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Dear Pat,
For five years one of my brothers has been fighting multiple myeloma, which is still an uncurable cancer. After his initial life-saving treatment he wanted to leave hospital and go home to die. During late 2003 and early 2004 there were a few of times we thought we were losing him, but he is still with us today. But we know that there will be a day when the strings which attach him to life have become so frail, and his pain and suffering have become so unbearable, that he will want say goodbye to his loved ones, and we will know that it is the right thing to do.
However, the fact, which is also part of our helplessness, is that I may die before my brother does, either by illness or accident.
I have spent hours and hours together with my brother, or at the phone, talking about life and how we spend the time we have, but hardly talking about death. When we were afraid that we might be losing him, there wasn't much talking. I was just holding his hand, listening to his breath and to the clicks and beeps from the instruments we were surrounded by. That was all I could do then, except saying a few prayers, hoping that God would be there to listen to us.
Pat, don't be afraid of adding yourself to the list of people who care about your aunt and your sister's girlfriend. Be honest. They don't need a lot of stupid words, but they are probably scared and need a hand or two to hold on to, and to know that they are not alone. Among all the people on that list of well-wishers, you may, for some reason, be the one who really matters to one or both of them.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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If I may add a word to that, DO talk about the illness, and be unafraid to speak of death. These are not taboo subjects. We all die, we all get ill. Some of us know a little more that we perhaps need to, is all.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Pat, since this thread first appeared I wanted to say something. I felt I ought to have something to say.
I have had cancer and thank the Lord I have been cured. At the end of last month a friend of mine died of lung and stomach cancer after being unexpectedly diagnosed eight days previously. Another friend who rang me last Sunday to say he had pancreatic cancer is expected to be dead within a fortnight. He asked for no visitors and I respect that though I'd dearly love to see him to say farewell. I am trying to think of something to write to him, but so far my thoughts would be in the past tense.
I feel so empty. I cannot advise you on anything. You have my thoughts.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Pat,
It's such a difficult situation -- I don't think there is much one can do but be as supportive, loving and selfless as possible. My aunt is, sadly, in the same position as yours.
My very best wishes to your aunt, your sister's girlfriend, you and the rest of your family.
David
[Updated on: Sun, 22 June 2008 18:13] |
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:07] |
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